Not tonight, darling.....

[Alan Stubbs]

HONEY, NOT TONIGHT

By GreyBeardedOne (a MAN, of course)

 

I have never understood why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

 

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

 

The passion starts to heat up, when she eventually said "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

 

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

 

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

 

She then responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?"

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep...

 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

 

We went out to a good lunch and then went shopping at a very big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

 

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.

 

She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said "Let's get a pair for each outfit".

 

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

 

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she then asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

 

I think I threw her when I said, "That's fine, honey."

 

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

 

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

 

I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

 

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

 

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

[Newt]

:D

[severus]

Sounds about right.