Things To Be Aware Of

[nursejudy]

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

 

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

 

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

 

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

 

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

 

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

 

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

 

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

 

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

 

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

 

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

 

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

 

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

 

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

 

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

 

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

 

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

 

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

 

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

 

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

 

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

 

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real

world.

 

25 . It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

 

26. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

 

27. You should not confuse your career with your life.

 

28. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

 

29. Never lick a steak knife.

 

30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.

 

31. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

 

32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep

down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

 

33. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

 

34. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

[Newt]

 

Great list.

[Guest sandpipper]

No19 is me all over

[Puggy]

No19 is me all over

 

Same as me on that one. And number 6 is my misses all over

[chesters1]

No19 is me all over

 

the opposite is also true ,waiting for years trying to find something at a bootfair then giving up and buying it full price ,you can bet your last doller it will be at the next bootfair you visit

[Jim Roper]

Happiness is egg-shaped!