Liverpool rocked

[Alan Stubbs]

A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale hit Liverpool in the early hours of July 11th 2005. The epicentre was Huyton. Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying "bang out of order", "mental" and "that did my head in".

 

The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair.

 

Three preserved areas of historic burned out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken before their giros arrived. The local paper reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered. They are still trying to come to terms with the fact that the damage was caused by something else instead of them.

 

One resident, Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said "It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Leigh came running through the cardboard door into my bedroom crying.

My hands were shaking so much that I could hardly skin up when I was watching Trisha the next morning".

 

Another local resident known as Macca said the earthquake would not stop him going to work, after all, the T.W.O.C'ing, Burglaries and Graffiti would not do themselves.

 

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers were still searching through rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Dukes, bone china from Poundstretcher and a number of Argos catalogues. However they were unable to save any furniture from Crazy George's.

 

How can you help?

 

This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster.

Clothing is most sought after. Most needed are Kappa or other tracksuits (his and hers), white socks to tuck the tracksuit bottoms into, Burberry caps, woolly Benny hats and Reebok trainers. Primark clothing is most welcome.

 

Food parcels are also needed. They include Mcains Micro-Chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch, Nutella chocolate spread and Iceland pizzas.

 

Alcohol is also in short supply, mainly Lambrini, White Lightning cider and Carlsberg Special Brew.

 

Cash donations are also needed, 22p buys a Bic Biro for signing on purposes, £1.50 buys cheese & chips and £26 buys 200 Regal from Tommo who has just got back from Kavos.

[honest it got off]

P.M.S.L

Liverpool's new signing, Rigobert Song from Cameroon, has just played his first game for the (once) 'Mighty Reds'. He dashes into the players lounge and phones his mother to tell her all about it. "Oh, Rigobert"...she squeals....."....I am so pleased and proud of you, at last you are playing for a great team......they may not be as great as they once were, but I hear they have won the European Cup four times. ....but, son.....things are not so good at home. I am really worried. The violence is getting too much, your sister has been raped twice, your dear Grandmother has been attacked in the street, there is raw sewage running down the roads, its becoming more like a war-zone every day.

 

How we let you talk us into coming and living in Liverpool, I'll never know...."

 

 

Or like the bloke visiting the docks who sees a docker writhing in pain on the floor. He asks what's wrong with him. Another docker says "He wants to go the toilet". "So why doesn't he go" asks the stranger. "What? On his lunch break?" comes the reply.

[awaaar]

Alan, not as good as the version from Basildon...

 

Love the last comment "where are you bleein' from?" - "Romford!, woss that got to wiv it?"

 

http://www.anglersnet.co.uk/cgi-bin/ubb/ul...ic;f=6;t=009056

 

[ 12. July 2005, 02:44 PM: Message edited by: awaaar ]

[paul mc]

honest it got off:

P.M.S.L

Liverpool's new signing, Rigobert Song from Cameroon, has just played his first game for the (once) 'Mighty Reds'. He dashes into the players lounge and phones his mother to tell her all about it. "Oh, Rigobert"...she squeals....."....I am so pleased and proud of you, at last you are playing for a great team......they may not be as great as they once were, but I hear they have won the European Cup four times. ....but, son.....things are not so good at home. I am really worried. The violence is getting too much, your sister has been raped twice, your dear Grandmother has been attacked in the street, there is raw sewage running down the roads, its becoming more like a war-zone every day.

 

How we let you talk us into coming and living in Liverpool, I'll never know...."

 

 

Or like the bloke visiting the docks who sees a docker writhing in pain on the floor. He asks what's wrong with him. Another docker says "He wants to go the toilet". "So why doesn't he go" asks the stranger. "What? On his lunch break?" comes the reply.

Being a scouser(proud of it to) and coming from the leafy suburb that alan talks about called HUYTON i am absoloutly sick of all these lies.

 

 

WE HAVE WON THE EUROPEAN CUP 5 TIMES NOT 4

[Alan Stubbs]

paul mc:

paul mc:

P.M.S.L

Liverpool's new signing, Rigobert Song from Cameroon, has just played his first game for the (once) 'Mighty Reds'. He dashes into the players lounge and phones his mother to tell her all about it. "Oh, Rigobert"...she squeals....."....I am so pleased and proud of you, at last you are playing for a great team......they may not be as great as they once were, but I hear they have won the European Cup four times. ....but, son.....things are not so good at home. I am really worried. The violence is getting too much, your sister has been raped twice, your dear Grandmother has been attacked in the street, there is raw sewage running down the roads, its becoming more like a war-zone every day.

 

How we let you talk us into coming and living in Liverpool, I'll never know...."

 

 

Or like the bloke visiting the docks who sees a docker writhing in pain on the floor. He asks what's wrong with him. Another docker says "He wants to go the toilet". "So why doesn't he go" asks the stranger. "What? On his lunch break?" comes the reply.

Being a scouser(proud of it to) and coming from the leafy suburb that alan talks about called HUYTON i am absoloutly sick of all these lies.

 

 

WE HAVE WON THE EUROPEAN CUP 5 TIMES NOT 4

These things are relative.... I live in Tuebrook -by comparison, Huyton IS a leafy suburb.

 

One of the things I really love about this city is the ability of people to make fun of themselves. It is fair to say, that as a city of positive things happening, Liverpool knocks spots off Manchester and Birmingham. by comparison, my hometown in Kent is a real hive of apathy and inertia.

 

The best thing about Manchester is the M62 by-pass and the best thing about Birmingham is any road out if it. You can't beat a bit of controversy!

[honest it got off]

quote:

---

---

WE HAVE WON THE EUROPEAN CUP 5 TIMES NOT 4

 

its a old joke

 

[ 13. July 2005, 12:00 PM: Message edited by: honest it got off ]

[sluk]

leafy suburb! ROFL!

[Paul_D]

@ sluk