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Dangerous question - good answers

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Guys - here are some suggested responses to the ever dangerous "Do I look Fat?" question from your female partner:

 

"No, not to Stevie Wonder."

 

"Big time! That's why I'm sleeping with your best friend."

 

"Does this tie make me look stupid?"

 

"No hablo ingles."

 

"Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things kinda balance out."

 

"If I answer that question, then the terrorists have won."

 

"Okay, listen: What's important is that you not focus in a negative way on the comparison I am about to make."

 

"Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity."

 

"Let me jog around to your front and take a look."

 

"No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea captains."

 

"Whoa! A talking couch!!"

 

"May I consult the Iraqi Minister of Information before answering that?"


" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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And the age old classic....

 

"Does this make my bum look big?"

 

"No, your bum makes your bum look big." :D


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How about:

"Is she prettier than me?"

 

Possibly fatal answer:

 

"Only that she's younger and slimmer"

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When in your car she opens the glove compartment and finds a pair of skimpy knickers (not hers) and demands to know how they got there.

You answer " you get a free pair with every 20 pounds worth of petrol at the local garage.

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my wifes so fat we have to pierce her ears to watch the tele. shes so fat she doesnt have a g string its a g rope ( qoute les dawson)


The salary of the chief executive of a large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

John Kenneth Galbraith

 

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Guest allibee

Just to balance the books a little gents ...

 

 

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator :)

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