SAT Tests

[SandTiger]

The following questions and answers were collated from the SAT

tests given to 16-year-old students!

 

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

 

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

 

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

 

Q: What is a planet?

A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

 

Q: What causes the tides in the ocean?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water

tends to flow toward the moon because there is no water on the moon and

nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

 

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?

A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

 

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets on the stairs.

 

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

 

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to adultery.

 

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

 

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

 

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g.,abdomen).

A:The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

 

Q: What is the Fibula?

A: A small lie.

 

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

 

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?

A: Most people prevent contraption by wearing a condominium.

 

Q. Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section"

A. The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

 

Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman Emperor..

 

Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport.

 

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

 

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

 

Q: What is a turbine?

A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

[Steve Burke]

[honest it got off]

That really cant be true can it

Todays youth whats wrong with then and im only 25 in the ten year since i left school i feel the education system has gone to pot

[severus]

Those are classic.

[Slack lines]

Reading that reminded me of this:-

 

"Northern" Medical Terms

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Benign..........What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria........... ...Back door to cafeteria.

Barium.........What you do with dead folks.

Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan................Searching for the cat.

Cauterize......Made eye contact with her.

Colic..............A sheep dog.

Coma...............A punctuation mark.

D&C..............Where Washington is.

Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do.

Enema...........Not a friend.

Fester............Quicker than someone else.

Fibula............A small lie.

Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on.

Impotent...........Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work.

Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates......Cheaper than day rates.

Node....................I knew it

Outpatient..............A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear.............A fatherhood test.

Pelvis...................Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative...........A Postman

Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery.

Secretion.......Hiding something

Seizure..........Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.

Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the train station

Tumor...............More than one.

Urine...............Opposite of mine.

Varicose............Near by

Hospital............The biggest building in town,

 

[ 14. July 2005, 12:54 AM: Message edited by: Slack lines ]