HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

[Guest Jan V]

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

 

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.........Then it hit me.

 

2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

 

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?...........He's all right now.

 

4. To write with a broken pencil........ is pointless.

 

5. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was .................a small medium at large.

 

6. A thief who stole a calendar ..............got twelve months.

 

7. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles ..............U.C.L.A.

 

8. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.............He did a number on it!

 

9. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was........on shaky ground.

 

10. The dead batteries were given out ..................free of charge.

 

11. A dentist and a manicurist................ fought tooth and nail.

 

12. A bicycle can't stand alone....................it is just two tired.

 

13. A will is........... a dead giveaway.

 

14. A backward poet.................... writes inverse.

 

15. A chicken crossing the road..................... poultry in motion.

 

16. With her marriage she got.................... a new name and a dress.

 

17. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France ...............resulted in linoleum blownapart.

 

18. He broke into song because................ he couldn't find the key.

 

19. A calendar's days............... are numbered.

 

20. A boiled egg .........................is hard to beat.

 

21. If you jump off a Paris bridge........................ you are in Seine .

 

22. When she saw her first strands of gray hair.......................she thought she'd dye.

 

23. Bakers trade bread recipes................... on a knead to know basis.

 

24. Acupuncture......................a jab well done.

[DavyR]

A humourless pedant replies: Logophile, surely?

[Alan Stubbs]

How can you have an escalator 'down'?

Edited June 27, 2008 by Alan Stubbs

[severus]

"Oops, I dropped the toothpaste", said Tom, crestfallen.

[Bobj]

..And the pretty secretary who went into the boss's office for an aptitude test, only to come out slightly dishevelled and found that she was apt to.

[severus]

Alan, your first entry was brilliant.

[Alan Stubbs]

Alan, your first entry was brilliant.

 

 

It was also a variation of a theme of #21 from the original posting!

 

I like: Man to girlfriend: 'Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, you know what I'm here after!'

[Guest Jan V]

Man says: "Are you much into making love". Woman says: "Infrequently". Man replies: "Is that one word or two?"

[Alan Stubbs]

Man says: "Are you much into making love". Woman says: "Infrequently". Man replies: "Is that one word or two?"

 

 

He followed that up by saying it felt really good when he was Indefinitely!

Edited June 29, 2008 by Alan Stubbs

[Guest Jan V]

He followed that up by saying it felt really good when he was Indefinitiely!