the alligator handler

[mike the pike]

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

 

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man slapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised.

 

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.

 

"I'll pay anyone one hundred pounds if they are brave enough to do that." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

 

A blue rinsed little old woman woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to slap me on the head so hard."

[chesters1]

a man goes into a bar a small dog by his side ,after a few pints he gets talking to the person sitting next to him ,after a while the convesation gets round to his dog ,"its a really clever dog "the owner slurs ,"he will do anything i ask"

"he doesn`t look very clever "says his new friend

"i`l prove it " says the owner "i`l send him down the shop to buy a sun newspaper" he mumbles" not only that he will bring it back here and drop it by my feet"

he pats his pockets for loose change ,finds none so pops a fiver in the dogs mouth "go get me the sun newspaper and bring it straight back"

ten minutes go past no sign of the dog,

fifteen minutes go by ,so the owner goes looking for the mutt,

he walks for a hundred yards and spots the pooch in the act of copulation with a well groomed poodle,

he drags the dog off the poodle and says "STOP IT youve never done THIS before!!!!!!"

to which the dog says " I know ,but i`ve never had a FIVER BEFORE"

i`l get me coat