Zootime

[davidP]

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

 

The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.

He starts on this when suddenly a huge fish leaps out and bites him. He is not going to let a fish have a go so he beats the offending fish to death with a spade. Realising that his boss is not going to be best pleased. He tries to find a way to hide the dead fish. He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions, as lions will eat anything. So he throws the fish into the lion's cage.

 

He then moves on to his second job, which is to clear out the monkey house.

He goes in and a couple of chimps start throwing coconuts at him. Not amused he swipes at the chimps with his spade, killing them instantly. He's really worried now, so what does he do? He feeds the chimps to the lions, because lions eat anything. He hurls them into the lion's cage.

 

Anyway, he moves onto his last job, which is to collect honey from South American bees.

He starts on this and quickly gets attacked by the bees. Alarmed, he grabs his spade and smashes the bees as hard as he can, squashing them to death. By this point he is not too worried about the death of bees as he knows what to do by now. He throws them into the lion's cage, because lions eat anything.

 

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. It wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like in here?" The other lion says: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees"

 

 

 

 

And before you ask, no, I don?t know what species the fish was!

[chesters1]

i think it was a lion fish or was it a tiger barb?

[Newt]

The Zoo had recently gotten, at great expense, a a very rare breed of female gorilla. Her name was Maggie.

 

Maggie wasn't thriving however. She alternated between periods of depression/inactivity and periods of rage when it was not safe to approach her at all.

 

The head veterinarian examined the gorilla. It seems that she was in dire need of a male to mate with but there was no available male anywhere. The vet was worried that if the situation continued she might injure herself or possibly even die.

 

He reported his findings to the head of the zoo and they tried to figure out what to do. They finally decided that one of the zookeepers, Bubba, was known to be not very bright and always willing and anxious to have sex, might be willing to mate with Maggie so they called him in.

 

"Bubba, we know this is a little odd but would you be willing to have sex with Maggie the gorilla for $500?"

 

Bubba thought for a few moments and then said, " I would but there are conditions."

 

"Just name them", responded the vet.

 

"Well, first it would have to be at night so no one could see and you would have to swear not to tell anyone. And second, you will have to give me at least a week to come up with the $500."

[chesters1]

$500 we have people over here that have sex with goats and horses for nothing not to mention sheep