Earthquake in Barnsley

[Paul_D]

This is a variation of a theme I think...

 

 

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Tuesday 2nd September 2003.

 

Epicentre: Barnsley, England.

 

News of the disaster was swiftly carried by 85,000 racing pigeons. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "f*o*kinell" and "choofinnorah" The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. Radio Barnsley reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with

the fact that something interesting had happened in Barnsley.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Braithwaite, a 15-year-old mother of 3 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Madonna came running into my

bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning.

"Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of

Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

 

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockfort boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

 

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in

the compensation forms, £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, and £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter

to calm the nerves of those affected. Urgently required is tinned whippet food.

 

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population or neighbouring areas.

[Newt]

ROFLMAO - I'm gonna take that one and post it a couple other places. Excellent.

[Ian Bass]

We Lancastrians got our revenge at last!!!!!!!!!