Joke of the Day

[Guest Jan V]

It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

 

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

 

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

 

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly,----- it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

 

"Sh*t!" said the Hypnotist...

 

It took three weeks to clean up the senior center.

 

Edited January 9, 2006 by Jan V

[TubularBelle]

HaHaHaHaHaHaPlop. That was me laughing my head off

 

 

 

 

Okay, something that the senior citizens can cope with after that embarrassing experience.

 

What did the Nuns do when a streaker ran through the Monastery?

 

They had a stroke!

 

 

My Mum told me that joke many many years ago and I never understood why she thought it was so funny, until recently, I'm a bit slow.

 

Anyone doesn't get it, let me know.

[Guest sandpipper]

entertainment night at the old folks home near me had a striper she kept rubbing her hands up and down her body saying supersex supersex most of them opted for the soup

[poledark]

As a Senior, I found them both very funny :)

Den

[cujimmy]

A family took their frail elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, dressed her, did her hair, fed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed OK but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again, she seemed fine but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.

 

"So Mum, how is it here? Are they treating you well?"

 

 

"It's all right" she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

[Newt]

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

 

George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off."

 

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

 

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

 

"Oh my God!" Ethel exclaims. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

[Guest Jan V]

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great.

 

Newt - you changing the name to protect the innocent - again???

 

BTW: You're going to be 61, not 80.....

Edited January 11, 2006 by Jan V