KIDS! Who would have 'em!

[Chris Goddard]

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or students .....here is something to make you chuckle.

 

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from

the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

 

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was, "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?

Hey, Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"

"No way!"

"Yes, way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, (wondering why he hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and was

He ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, as our first parent,

asked?

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said,

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and

Eve should have children of their own.

Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed! But there is

reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

 

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it sayson the aspirin bottle:

"Take two Aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

 

CHILDREN...you spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.

Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

 

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

 

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

 

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for

word what you shouldn't have said.

 

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself

that there are children more awful than your own.

 

We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!

 

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home!

[MJB]

Children are like farts. Your own are alright, but you can't stand anyone elses.

[Zigs]

there not all bad

 

 

even my eldest has stopped breaking windows, my ribs etc. since she moved out. she regularly comes back for dads sunday roasts

[Chris Goddard]

Is yours ther BIG brown one too?? Or is that the roast they keep coming back for??

[Zigs]

Is yours ther BIG brown one too?? Or is that the roast they keep coming back for??

 

 

you dont know what complexities are involved when you have 3 totally vegetarian children with fish eating parents. Mrs Becky & i don't eat land animals but the kids wont eat anything that once walked, swam or slithered, their choice & i respect it.

 

sunday roast consists of (sometimes) a fish dish for me & Mrs Becky, roast tiddies (thats somerset for potatoes Newt ) roast parsnips, peas, beans, cabbbbage, usually a quorn roast, yorkshire puddings & gravy made from the stock the veggies are boiled in with a bit of AAAAARRRGH BISTO. mint sauce, apple sauce & sea salt. followed by a pudding of puried pears, apples & blackberries from our garden & the local fields.

 

sometimes with wild fungi like puffball or oyster mushrooms, depends whats around.

 

living off sandwiches all week, you need a good family lunch

[Zigs]

Thank you for stepping in mods

 

 

 

[NP Ziggy. Just sorry it was necessary but the thread certainly did get out of hand for a bit.

 

If that sort of thing happens again, someone needs to report the topic though. I just happened to be on the forum just now. A report sends all the mods an email with a link to the topic and the reason for it being reported.

 

Newt]

[Zigs]

sorted Newt, humans are just curious beings

 

thanks for intervening

 

love you all

 

[zziplexboy]

The ironic thing about kids is that after all the dramas of the teenager JUST when you get to the point of actually having a decent relationship with them they get this idea you are losing your mind and the universe performs this huge reverse where they think THEY need to look after you. This normally consists of looking scared when you drive, asking if you have responded to the "Guaranteed prize" you seem to have won as they check your post and wanting to accompany you to hospital appointments just in case you happen to forget why you went in the first place. The clincher is the present of a cardigan with football buttons on it that you get at christmas.