Motor Vehicle Regulations

[Newt]

New Regulations in the New Jersey Registry of Motor Vehicle's 2004 Handbook:

 

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident New Jersey Driver avoids using them.

 

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

 

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

 

4. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.

 

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with PA, NY or Del plates. With no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.

 

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

 

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway. (UK note - substitute right for left)

 

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour.

 

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a New York driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

 

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

 

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

 

12. It is tradition in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.

 

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

 

14. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

 

15. In New Jersey, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.

 

Thank You, The New Jersey Registrar of Motor Vehicles

[Blackpool]

WOW How interesting yaaaawn Any more like this?

[yoxer]

In order to assist other motorists in identifying potentially dangerous dim witted drivers, it's now compulsory for anyone with a lower than average IQ and driving ability to display a warning flag.

 

The flag (comprising of a red cross on a white background) will be attached to the top of at least one door of their vehicle. For drivers of exceptionally low ability, additional flags are required.

[bluezulu]

been posted before and was`nt funny then either!!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad:

[Davy Holt]

bluezulu:

been posted before and was`nt funny then either!!!!!!!!!   :mad:      :mad:  

I don't know.. I thought it was hilarious

[Newt]

Blackpool:

WOW How interesting yaaaawn Any more like this?

Dozens and dozens. You want them posted or emailed directly to you?

 

Here is a great one I'll just post for you meanwhile.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Once upon a time there was a very large office building in a very large city. This building had 40 levels: level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40.

 

One day the owner of the building decided to get a PA system installed on every level, in case there was ever a fire and everyone in the building needed to be contacted at once. The system was installed on every level: level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40.

 

One day, an employee named John was doing some paperwork on the 21st level when he saw the pager for the PA system in his boss's office. He could not resist. He picked up the pager, turned it on, cleared his throat, and told a joke. It was funniest joke anyone in the building had ever heard. They were rolling in the aisles, laughing their heads off. The accountants on level 3 were in tears. The engineers on level 34 were in hysterics. In fact, workers on every level -- level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40 -- could not stop laughing.

 

He walked out the door of his boss's office, feeling all proud of himself, when who should he run into but his boss. "John, come with me now!" John relunctantly followed his boss back into his office. His boss looked at him with fury in his eyes. "John," he said, "your joke was very disruptive to the workers in this building! Productivity was decreased on level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40! You're fired! Clean out your desk and get out!"

 

But then his frown softened and he added, "Still, I have to admit, that joke was funny on so many levels."

 

[ 16. June 2004, 04:07 PM: Message edited by: Newt ]

[Blackpool]

WOW NOW THATS MORE LIKE IT NEWT..ANY-MORE LIKE THAT..

[Newt]

I do have to say that is one of the few jokes that absolutely has to be written. Could you imagine trying to Tell it?

[spangles]

Priceless Newt, what a reply!!!!!! Dave

[Blackpool]

Newt you deserve credit for taking time to type it out for us ..or was it a copy and paste job?