PAUL v JANET GRUDGE MATCH?

[Janet]

I spoke too soon, didn’t I? That’ll teach me!

 

I think I’ve said in the past that I always enjoy my fishing? I think that perhaps after today I may have to retract that statement…

 

It all started off well enough. After going to bed at midnight and setting the alarm for 3am, I woke surprising bright eyed and raring to go, five minutes before the alarm was due to go off. Why does this never happen when the alarm goes off for w**k? (the word that dare not speak its name….) On a weekday I tend to roll over, hide my head under the pillow and practically have to be prised out of my bed. Fishing is a totally different story!

 

With gale force winds having been forecast for the North West, it was with some trepidation that I looked out of the bedroom window. Hurray! Reasonably clear sky, no wind to speak of, and no rain. We were on! I phoned Paul to confirm the arrangements, and hurriedly got dressed then headed downstairs to finish packing my rucksack and make the all important flasks. I simply can’t survive a day on the bank without my cups of tea and coffee. I normally pack two flasks of tea (well, they are only small ones) and one of coffee. What is it they say about the best laid plans….?

 

Paul arrived to pick me up at just before 4.30, and we set off up to the lodge. It’s only a couple of miles away from home, and I’ve passed it regularly on the bus when I’ve been going over to Clitheroe to fish with Martin James, but it’s somewhere that I’ve never fished. I’d mistakenly thought that it was members only, but they also do day tickets. After parking the car, it was a short but steep climb up to the banks of the lodge carrying all our tackle – rod bags, chairs, rucksacks, brollies, bait bags, cuddly toy, kitchen sink…..but we made it eventually without having to resort to crampons and ropes….just!

 

The lodge looked very inviting as the sky started to lighten. Although it runs next to the main road, this really is just a small village nestled in the valley below Pendle Hill and it is little more than a country lane, so the traffic noise was very unobtrusive, in fact I only remember hearing a couple of cars all day. There are no fixed pegs on the lodge, so Paul picked a spot under some large sycamores, and I picked a place a few dozen yards from him….just far enough away so that I couldn’t hear him singing, but close enough to keep an eye on what he was catching!

 

 

The lodge was long and wide, with large overhanging trees and bushes at our backs and smaller trees and bushes such as elder and hawthorn on the opposite bank with a nice view of fields and the hill beyond. Before starting to fish in earnest, I went for a walk round to investigate further, and check out a convenient bush for those calls of nature….this wasn’t my club lake with my own personal facilities!

 

 

There were clumps of bulrushes and reeds all around, and it was quite clear that the level was rather low, judging by the water marks on the dam wall adjacent to where I was fishing. At the furthest end, opposite the dam wall it was very shallow and silted up, with huge clumps of pond weed. I was very tempted to go to the local shop and get a kiddies fishing net for all the tiddlers I could see lurking!

 

 

Immediately opposite my chosen spot was a small island with a group of ducks and the resident heron perched on a branch. Paul told me that under normal conditions the island was rarely visible. I was glad it was there today. It was a first for me this morning, actually seeing a heron fishing from this island. On our canal narrowboat holidays we’ve seen hundreds of them, but until today I’ve never actually seen one catch a fish. This heron was an expert – scanning the water carefully, then flying down from his branch and walking carefully into the water and plucking out his prey. I’m not fond of many of the predators on our lakes and rivers (cormorants, goosanders, mink etc) but the heron really is a majestic bird, and it was a thrill to see nature in action.

 

It didn’t take me long to set up, and on my first cast I landed just what I’d been hoping for – a perfect perch! OK, it was a trial-size one, no more than about four inches long, but they really are my favourite fish. Belligerent, bad tempered little beauties! My club water has only a few perch, of which I’ve only ever caught one, so it was a welcome change. Although small, it was beautifully coloured – the stripes were bold and clearly defined and the fins were scarlet red. It looked like a kiddie had been let loose with a set of felt tip pens to do a painting by numbers thing.. as I said to Paul. “I can go home happy now – I’ve had a perch”…..Looking back, I should have gone home then!

 

As the morning passed, the weather gradually took a turn for the worse. We had one very squally shower, making me thankful for remembering to pack the brolly, but other than that the rain didn’t bother us much. It started spitting a few times, but the wind soon took care of that. Oh yes. The wind. Have I mentioned that yet? Yes, we had some wind (and this time it wasn’t Paul….)

 

The trees to the left of me, above the dam wall, were practically bent double, and white horses were scudding over the surface of the water. It soon became impossible to fish with a float, but I persevered, mainly because I was too dumb to remember that I had my feeder rod in my bag, and could have used that instead….no, I’m not blonde, I’m just stupid and forgetful! It did die down for short (and very welcome) spells, where I was able to keep my float in position, but all I managed was another perch, and two nice rudd. One was only a tiddler which ought to have known better - the other was about half a pound, but appeared to have been newly minted. It positively glowed. Golden scales on the flanks, deepening towards the dorsal fin, and the most vivid red fins. Only small, but perfectly formed.

 

Paul was doing better than me, as he seemed to have a slightly more sheltered spot. I couldn’t get away from the tiddlers, but he consistently pulled in fish after fish that were much better than my pathetic efforts. His best one of the day was a rather lovely mirror of about 4-5lbs, which put up a devil of a fight for such a small one….. I thought he had something much larger by the fight it was putting up, so I went over and netted it for him. I’d like to say that it’s because I’m nice like that, but it was really just to make sure that he actually had a fish, and wasn’t just stuck on the bottom and pretending….!

 

The last couple of hours were absolute torture. If anything could go wrong, it did. Firstly I discovered that I’d left my second flask of tea at home. It may not be a problem to you guys, but it was to me! I needed another cup of tea. Coffee wouldn’t do the job. Then I managed to get my line somehow tangled behind the spool on my reel just as I had a decent sail-away bite. Not once, but three times! I’ve been using this dinky little Shimano real for two years now, and I’ve never once had a problem with it. I do hope it’s just down to the raging hoolie that was blowing and not that it’s developed a fault.

 

I also managed (not in any particular order…) to find out that I’d left the largest flask of tea at home, to drop my pen in the water, up-end my maggot box (The Great Escape-R-Us), have my umbrella collapse (thankfully when I wasn’t underneath it!), almost got stung by a bumble bee which had decided to settle in my box of feed pellets (luckily I spotted it before I grabbed it!), got snagged up on weed too many times to tell, and just as I was packing up, having stamped my feet and decided to have a major sulk, I managed to knock all the attachments for my chair into the water…brollie arm, rear rod rest, extender arm, bait waiter etc…..all were sitting nicely on the seat of my chair until I decided to lean on it the wrong way and tip the whole lot in! Of course, I’d already packed my landing net away, so I had to dig it out and get it refettled for the rescue attempt. Luckily I got it all back, but a bit wet, muddy and smelly. Bit like that guy fishing next to me?

 

I spent the last couple of hours totally biteless. Nada. Nothing. Nowt. Not even a smidgeon of a twitch. Meanwhile I was rapidly developing frostbite and hypothermia. I found a scarf to keep my neck warm, and put on my Tilley hat, but my ears were frozen and I was really wishing I was somewhere else. Anywhere else. Didn’t matter!

 

It didn’t help when I’d packed everything up and went to talk to Paul, that I found he’d been using his brolly as a windshield. Now why didn’t I think of that? It wouldn’t have helped the fishing much, but at least I could have stayed behind it and gone to sleep!

 

So, the final result? Janet a miserable and pathetic 4, Paul a respectable and very commendable 10. I was well beaten by a far superior angler. He’s forgotten more than I’ve learned, and I bow to his superior knowledge ….

 

Still, I managed to keep hold of the trophy.

 

Janet

 

PS. What’s a bit of flattery between friends? Got to keep on his good side, haven’t I?

[John S]

Sounds like you had a great day, until an hour or two after getting out of bed

 

That looks a good place to fish though, hopefully next time you go it will not be blowing a gale....

[Janet]

You're right John. The day just went downhill after those first lovely couple of hours.

 

Still, if you don't have bad days, what do you have to judge the good days against? It wasn't totally bad, as at least I managed a few fish.

 

I wouldn't have missed it, and now I'm home and warm, I seem to have sort of forgotten the wind, the rain and the problems, so I'm now looking at joining the club.....wonderful thing, having a selective memory!

 

Under the conditions, I'm not sure what I could have done to improve things, apart from switching to fishing a feeder instead. Is there a way to continue float fishing under these conditions? Is it worth persevering, or should I just have cut my losses and changed tactics?

 

Janet

[Paulfisher]

So, the final result? Janet a miserable and pathetic 4, Paul a respectable and very commendable 10. I was well beaten by a far superior angler. He’s forgotten more than I’ve learned, and I bow to his superior knowledge ….

 

Still, I managed to keep hold of the trophy.

 

Finally you know your place Madam. I think, erm.... I now have the trophy. And I think I have it for TWO weeks. You will never win it back!!

[Janet]

Finally you know your place Madam

 

What? Have you all heard that? Is that a challenge or what? I think I'm being bullied here....I'm sure there's summat that shouldn't ought to be allowed...

 

Go for it Paul...I'll slaughter you next time, and the trophy will come back to where it belongs.

 

Janet x x

[Newt]

I vote for a match conducted on a level playing field and with an impartial observer.

 

You can catch a direct flight from London to Charlotte, North Carolina and I can put you on one of my local lakes. At 1000+ acres we can find conditions that suit you both (will need an agreement) and a week on an unpegged area with no other anglers should soon settle which of you is champ.

 

Just let me know your flight number and I'll meet you at the airport. Plenty of room in my truck for your gear. A few hours studying a topo map and you can pick the location. We can drive there if there are roads and if not, we get there by boat.

[Janet]

Newt, I wish.....I really wish! That sounds absolutely idyllic.

 

However, I need to beat Paul on our home turf first.....

 

Watch this space!!! He's just a typical man. All mouth and trousers.....

 

Janet

[Paulfisher]

I vote for a match conducted on a level playing field and with an impartial observer.

 

You can catch a direct flight from London to Charlotte, North Carolina and I can put you on one of my local lakes. At 1000+ acres we can find conditions that suit you both (will need an agreement) and a week on an unpegged area with no other anglers should soon settle which of you is champ.

 

Just let me know your flight number and I'll meet you at the airport. Plenty of room in my truck for your gear. A few hours studying a topo map and you can pick the location. We can drive there if there are roads and if not, we get there by boat.

 

Hi Newt. Paul here. Thanks for that offer. Very neighborly of you sir. That is more than I can say for the attitude of a certain lady angler.

 

When I loose a so called "FRIENDLY" match I am in ore of the winning angler and accept defeat and I am only too pleased that my fishing buddy has had a good day. But, when this certain lady angler looses (I use the term Lady loosely) She uses every excuse she can for loosing. "The seat's too hard" "The water is too wet" " The sky was too high" or " I only brought TWO flasks and forgot to pack the kitchen sink. I tell you Newt, there's no hope for me. I am on a hiding to nothing. I cannot do rite for doing wrong. But time will show where the trophy belongs!!

 

Paul. A male Angler.

 

Post Script. I do have a big mouth and VERY BIG trousers.

[Newt]

LOL - it sounds like the pair of you have a wonderful old time and that's what fishing is all about.

 

Just so you will both know, the offer was a serious one. I know 4K miles is a ways to go for some fishing but the complete change should be fun for you and a free native guide with a boat can't hurt.

 

I have plenty of tackle (different from what you are used to but similar enough it won't take long to adjust and our fish aren't as fussy as yours) and enough gear to easily let two people bivy up for a few days in reasonable comfort.

 

So if the urge ever strikes, just give me a little warning and we are good to go. You can even try a day of short-rod u/l fishing with floats and using crickets or lobs for bait to see who can catch the most, largest, prettiest bluegill on a day's fishing from a boat. We would probably only fish 20-25 miles of shoreline with an occasional high speed run from place to place to locate the sort of depths, cover, structure, etc. the fish prefer on the day since 8 hours is about as long as you can enjoy it unless your muscles are used to that style of fishing. Lots more casting than is usual for UK waters.

[Janet]

it sounds like the pair of you have a wonderful old time and that's what fishing is all about.

 

You're right Newt. We DO have a good time, and indeed, that IS what it's all about. Although we're both serious about our angling, we're not SERIOUS, if you know what I mean? The competition really is all in fun, and each of us is pleased when the other lands a good fish, even though we may pretend to grumble....!

 

I've always preferred fishing alone, or at least I thought I did, until I discovered how much of a laugh it is to fish with others. The friendly banter, the witty one-liners, the clever repartee, the belly laughs that left me in tears .... I used to have them all until I started fishing with Paul......

 

Ah bless...he knows I'm only joking!

 

Newt, thank you kindly for your invitation. I would dearly love to meet you and Jan after all the help and encouragement you've both given me since I started this silly fishing business. I'm sure it would be the holiday of a lifetime!

 

I would so like to take you up on it, and I'm sure Paul would jump at the chance too, but unfortunately, until I find a permanent job, funds just won't allow it. From tomorrow I'm going to buy a lottery ticket and keep my fingers crossed. If I get lucky, or land a decent job, I'll be over there like a shot!

 

Janet