Funny yarns with mates while fishing

[Dave H]

Well i have had some good laughs over many years. i take my fishing seriously but it is obvious that over 30 odd years there is going to be something funny that you did or did not mean too your mate.

 

This is the one for me that sticks out a mile and i will never forget it for the rest of my life. I have told it hundreds of times in Pubs while fishing and even at weddings and even if you do not fish i think that women have in most felt sorry for my mate and men side with the prank and laugh. That is how it normally goes though isn't it...LOL

 

 

Two of us were fishing and settled into our bivvies for the night. It was a long river bank on the Broads and we were Pike fishing. Then off went the alarm and I jumped up and struck into the fish. Already I knew it was a big one it took me up and down the river and I saw its head it was enormous and after what seemed an eternity I shouted to my mate who was still out of it and he got up and grabbed the net. I saw it. I can say it was at least 30Lb +

Then it did an enormous tail swipe drenched my mate who then slipped into the water. I had a choice save my mate from drowning or landing a big thirty. There was no competition and I carried on playing the fish...LOL. Now it was a nightmare. Mate in the water up to his neck and the landing net twisted round him and he could not get out. I decided that for the sake of getting the net I passed him a long bank stick and started pulling him out. I had just got him out with landing net ready and whoosh the pike gets off...Damn!

 

My mate was covered in silt and weed and stank and after a few moments I started laughing at him. Well mates do don’t they. Then he looked at me like the Devil. I said sorry but what else can I have done.

He replied...You could have woken me up you T^^^^R! As that was my Rod!

I looked down and I was dumbfounded. I very slowly crept back in my bivvy with tail between my legs and was very silent. But then there was a twist in the tail. After all that disturbance 15 minutes later my rod screams off and I shouted ‘You can take that and I was trying not to giggle as I could still hear the squelching of his boots as he moved forward to strike. I still did not come out but could not resist so I peeped through the zip and I was now in a state of bursting at the seams as he had landed about the smallest jack you have ever seen....Then as the squish squish squish and the muttering of some very choice words he went back in his bivvy....LOL

 

But believe me he got me back over the years trust me!

[Dave H]

Oh come on you miserable old farts!. Are you telling me that you guys who started fishing when the wright brothers got off the ground you have a funny yarn.

I know you think it will not be funny enough...What the hell spit it out!!!!!!!!

[Phone]

Hawk,

 

Yarns are so spontaneous maybe these will help. I've collected them over the years and hope credit is given where credit is due. I've posted this before. (For some reason, I cannot come up with a single "yard" that seems appropriate.)

 

Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box; there's a reason they call it fishing and not catching; fishing not a matter of life and death - it's much more important than that; even a bad day of fishing is better than a good day of work; I spend most of my life fishing, the rest I just waste; nothing grows faster than a fish from when it bites until it gets away; the difference between fly fishers and worm dunkers is the quality of their excuses; work is for people who don't know how to fish – all Anonymous

 

Only an extraordinary person would purposely risk being outsmarted by a creature often less than twelve inches long, over and over again ~ Janna Bialek

Three-fourths of the Earth's surface is water, and one-fourth is land. It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn. ~ Chuck Clark

Idiots cannot conceal themselves for long on a fishing trip. ~ John Gierach

The gods do not deduct from man's allotted span the hours spent in fishing. Herbert Hoover although I often steal this one without credit.

If people concentrated on the really important things of life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. ~ Doug Larson

The two best times to fish is when it's rainin' and when it ain't. ~ Patrick F. McManus

Scholars have long known that fishing eventually turns men into philosophers. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosopher's salary. (another)~ Patrick F. McManus

If fishing is interfering with your business, give up your business. ~ Alfred W. Miller

There he stands, draped in more equipment than a telephone lineman, trying to outwit an organism with a brain no bigger than a breadcrumb, and getting licked in the process. ~ Paul O'Neil

Calling Fishing a hobby is like calling brain surgery a job (Phone [stolen from someone]

Many go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. ~ Henry David Thoreau

The best time to go fishing is when you can (Phone and many others I’m sure)

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the bank like an idiot. ~ Steven Wright

I fish not because I regard fishing as being terribly important, but because I suspect that so many of the other concerns of men are equally unimportant, and not nearly so much fun. ~ John Volker

 

Phone

Edit: I found this whilst looking through my old "Word" files.

Edited February 18, 2012 by Phone

[Dave H]

Hawk,

 

Yarns are so spontaneous maybe these will help. I've collected them over the years and hope credit is given where credit is due. I've posted this before. (For some reason, I cannot come up with a single "yard" that seems appropriate.)

 

Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box; there's a reason they call it fishing and not catching; fishing not a matter of life and death - it's much more important than that; even a bad day of fishing is better than a good day of work; I spend most of my life fishing, the rest I just waste; nothing grows faster than a fish from when it bites until it gets away; the difference between fly fishers and worm dunkers is the quality of their excuses; work is for people who don't know how to fish – all Anonymous

 

Only an extraordinary person would purposely risk being outsmarted by a creature often less than twelve inches long, over and over again ~ Janna Bialek

Three-fourths of the Earth's surface is water, and one-fourth is land. It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn. ~ Chuck Clark

Idiots cannot conceal themselves for long on a fishing trip. ~ John Gierach

The gods do not deduct from man's allotted span the hours spent in fishing. Herbert Hoover although I often steal this one without credit.

If people concentrated on the really important things of life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. ~ Doug Larson

The two best times to fish is when it's rainin' and when it ain't. ~ Patrick F. McManus

Scholars have long known that fishing eventually turns men into philosophers. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosopher's salary. (another)~ Patrick F. McManus

If fishing is interfering with your business, give up your business. ~ Alfred W. Miller

There he stands, draped in more equipment than a telephone lineman, trying to outwit an organism with a brain no bigger than a breadcrumb, and getting licked in the process. ~ Paul O'Neil

Calling Fishing a hobby is like calling brain surgery a job (Phone [stolen from someone]

Many go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. ~ Henry David Thoreau

The best time to go fishing is when you can (Phone and many others I’m sure)

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the bank like an idiot. ~ Steven Wright

I fish not because I regard fishing as being terribly important, but because I suspect that so many of the other concerns of men are equally unimportant, and not nearly so much fun. ~ John Volker

 

Phone

Edit: I found this whilst looking through my old "Word" files.

 

:lol: :lol: love it. Like you i love this kinf of stuff

[Andrew Burgess]

Oh yeah got a few but not spilling the beans about it!

[robtherake]

Many moons ago,a mate and I used to night fish for tench on Dringhouses pond in York. I'm not sure we should have been, mind, but no one ever objected.

 

This particular night, said friend, who has a pathological aversion to rats, was fishing off one of the wooden platforms which projected about 15 feet out. When he grabbed for some sweetcorn to feed up, he picked up a very surprised and angry rodent, which had been having a casual munch under cover of darkness.

With a noise like escaping steam ,and forgetting completely in his abject terror that his legroom was very limited, he leapt backwards and disappeared into a bed of lilies.

I'd nodded off, but alerted by the sounds of attempted murder in the next peg went charging round to find the geezer missing and a series of diminishing ripples to the left of his platform.

Fearing the worst, I scanned with the head-torch and discovered a dome-like object, with a big lily pad for a hat, about 6 foot out. The lily pad slowly tipped back to reveal a head, submerged to the nostrils. Further tipping revealed the owner's mouth. Words followed - "Get me out nob 'ead, me feet are stuck".

I almost fell in laughing, it was about ten minutes before I recovered enough strength to pass him a long bankstick and pull him out, complete with a couple of stone of mud and lilies.

 

Precious

[Dick Dastardly]

Oh yeah got a few but not spilling the beans about it!

 

 

"Giant Rat"?

"Washington DC"?

"Telling the syndicate leader,head baillif and baillif to F-----O--- all in the same day"?

"The Blindman and the Deafman telephone conversation"?

 

Dont worry Bruv I wont tell any of "your" storys!

[Dick Dastardly]

Oh come on you miserable old farts!. Are you telling me that you guys who started fishing when the wright brothers got off the ground you have a funny yarn.

 

Your right Dave Ive got a 101 daft tales! When I did the slide show circuit people often said the silly tales were the best bit about the talk! (not surprising because Ive very little of interest to say about fishing!) Trouble is I'm not very good at writing them down as they simply dont come across the same. I did write one down a few years a go about my old recently departed dog you might like even though you never met him-

 

http://www.anglersnet.co.uk/forums/Bull-Ma...Mastiffs,Briefs

[Dave H]

Your right Dave Ive got a 101 daft tales! When I did the slide show circuit people often said the silly tales were the best bit about the talk! (not surprising because Ive very little of interest to say about fishing!) Trouble is I'm not very good at writing them down as they simply dont come across the same. I did write one down a few years a go about my old recently departed dog you might like even though you never met him-

 

http://www.anglersnet.co.uk/forums/Bull-Ma...Mastiffs,Briefs

 

A 'Fisherman's tales' are not all about Moby Dick and it was this big!!! (i am sure a woman wrote that ?)

 

Budgie...That was excellent. What do you mean not very well at writing them down? We want to hear more...LOL

 

That was funny. Not too sure who was having more fun you or the dog?

I think regardless of no bait I think I would have to have given up after that anyway. A real fisherman could not concentrate on the matter in hand after such an adventure.

I am thinking of a common phrase used I think it is ‘A bird in hand is worth two in the bush’. But I am trying to fit this phrase into the aftermath of your story?

A ‘Dog in hand’...No that is not it? A ‘Bush in hand is worth 2 dogs in the bush’...No that is not it?

Perhaps someone has the right combination here?

 

Perhaps if there are any anglers from Essex can clarify the situation you were in?

[Andrew Burgess]

 

"Telling the syndicate leader,head baillif and baillif to F-----O--- all in the same day"?

"The Blindman and the Deafman telephone conversation"?

 

 

 

err.......firist one is incorrect budgie!

 

haven't got a clue what you on about on the last one!