Some Behavior Rules

[Newt]

As some may know, Trev Manning (Ziptrev) is headed to sunny North Carolina in a few days to visit and fish. I thought I'd post this for him and any others who have plans to visit the US South (except Florida which is IN the South but IS NOT a southern state. )

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WARNING Issued By The Southern Tourism Bureau To All Visitors

 

1) Don't order steak at the Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day, so let them cook something they know.

 

2) Don't laugh at Southern peoples' names. (Merleen, Bodie, Gertrude, Joe Boy, Sudie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, etc.)

These people have been known to open up a can of whup a%$^ for less.

 

3) Don't order a "bottle of pop" or a can of "soda". This can lead to a beating. Down South it's called Coke. It don't make a damn whether it's Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever else; its a Coke.

 

5) Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better-educated and generally a lot nicer. We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do sometimes have a small lapse in judgement (e.g. Clinton, Fordice, David Duke). We don't care if you think we are dumb, because we will whup your %.

 

6) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut up, spend your money, and get out of here.

 

7) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from some where strange. Eat your biscuits with gravey like God intended and don't put sugar on your grits.

 

8) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot.

 

9) We don't play soccer, lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy Northern games. So don't come down here asking the score because we don't give a rip.

 

10) We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners do understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go the hell

 

11) Last but not least. DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to make barbecue. This will get you shot. You're lucky we let you come down here. Question our barbecue and go home in a pine box.

 

Any questions?

 

Y'all come back, now, heah?

[phonebush]

AND, I might add - As for the Civil War between the North and the South. In the South it is just halftime.

Phone

[chesters1]

good job i`m not visiting ,when people say don`t i doo ,order that pine box in xxxL one day i might,

[chesters1]

as you can tell i kinda side with the little guy ,rise up you southeners and whup those yanky dogs,if you win this time we might let you back in the commenwealth ,our queen has less kraut than the king you had bother with

[Newt]

I dunno chesters1 - do you folks still have that tax on tea?

[chesters1]

not now we have the yorkshire tea plantations