Banned from Sainsburys - Joke.

[Andy_1984]

Shamefully pinched off my cousins facebook page...........

 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Sainsbury's

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Sainsbury's...
Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,
Mr. Harris, are listed below and are "documented by our video
surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
Maltesers.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the
fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'
One of the Staff passed out.

[robtherake]

Never done any of those things, but I've:

 

Done the Fosbury flop, repeatedly, into a giant box of potatoes.

 

Done the world's loudest chicken impression in the queue for Easter eggs in Woolies (got to the front in no time).

 

Had the wife chase me round Morrison's when a bout of sciatica put me in a wheelchair for a while. Boy, can you wheely those things!

 

Hid in a wheeled clothes rail and propelled it round New Look, laughing hysterically.

 

And other sundry stuff too numerous to mention - well, shopping's so dull, isn't it. The wife loves it (not) .

[Ken L]

I try to refrain from silliness, but I did once have an accident.

[Phone]

Andy 84,

 

Congratulations ! You and your cousin are a "coffee clutch" hero. We all found it quite funny. We are all old retired guys with varying degrees of shopping patients.

 

Phone

[Andy_1984]

Rob, I love the fact you hid in a wheeled clothes rail, i can picture it now

 

Ken, priceless

 

Phone, glad to amuse you and your buddies but I can't take the credit nor can my cousin she pinched it from somewhere too.