Hating Inanimate Objects

[Wordbender]

What inanimate objects do you loathe and detest, and have you ever taken drastic action against one?

 

I despise the M25 - for stealing and wasting large chunks of my life, all vacuum cleaners - for being more intrusive and boring than a convention of canvassing politicians, and my 'self-triggering' car alarm - for going off when it fancies and making my neighbours 'tut' at me. I quite frequently have full-on rows with these instruments of Satan, and dream of the day I am able to avenge their wrongdoings.

 

I once had a printer that was obviously possessed, and always failed just as I needed it to regurgitate a speech or somesuch important document. Upon its replacement, I took the satanic printer into the garden and put an axe through it until it was rendered into electronic mulch. That exorcised its soddin' demons, I can tell you - and felt absolutely fantastic, too.

 

So, what are the objects of your ire - and don't include partners / kids / workmates etc, even if they move so infrequently that they qualify as 'inanimate'.

 

Terry

[Gaffer]

I've got the shortest fuse you could ever imagine. I can go 'off on one' over the slightest things.

 

Rather than chop things up I tend to have a throwing reflex! (ever seen a spod rod go like a javelin?)

 

Is the list exhaustive? How long have you got?

 

[ 16. November 2002, 08:11 AM: Message edited by: Gaffer ]

[Elton]

That little rolled pin that connects the gear linkage to the gearbox on a Mini used to have it in for me.

 

Half an hour to get everything off to lift the engine out, another hour trying to knock one 3cm little piece of metal out of a tight hole to be able to finish the job :mad:

 

Elton

[little onions]

A favourite topic of mine, this. I refer to inanimate objects by a group name I invented for them, the I.O.A. Inanimate Object Army.

When those buggers are on the march we mere mortals have no adequate ammunition. They abide exclusively by 'Sod's Law' and their raison d'etre is to turn what should be perfectly simple tasks

into physical impossibilities, and to turn normally rational human beings into psychopathic monsters.

Their numerous batallions are led by deceptively innocent objects such as:- tin openers

individually portioned

sauces and condiments, (Grrrrr)

curtain rails

ring-pull cans and many, many more. While we're on the subject, where o where do all the biros go?

Why does flat-pack furniture try so hard to become a pile of firewood?

How do sink plungers know exactly when to vanish?

How does the can of de-icer know it's time to lock itself into your iced-up car.

And keys!!!!!! sneaky little b*****ds.

Then there's the other sock, your favourite screwdriver, your sharpest knife and the telephone that knows precisely when you step in the bath.

They're all in it together.

I once had an oven which managed to lock in Christmas dinner.

O.K. I'm ranting, I know, so I'll leave you with three words. METAL COAT HANGERS. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Wordbender]

little onions:

METAL COAT HANGERS. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Especially those with auto-tangle built into 'em!

 

Terry

[Paul_D]

Why, in the 21st Century, does that most vicious and injurious of articles, the Corned Beef tin, still exist...???????

[OregonDave]

little onions - You don't happen to be related to Joan Crawford by any chance? I watch reruns of "Mommie Dearest" just to see her metal hanger rant!

[Wordbender]

quote:

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Originally posted by Gaffer:

[QB]I've got the shortest fuse you could ever imagine. I can go 'off on one' over the slightest things.

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Queen.

 

Terry