Serious advice, please.

[little onions]

Since banishing my drunken ex last September I have allowed him contact with our youngest daughter, (5). Initially contact was unlimited, but he repeatedly drank whilst with her and her days out with Daddy comprised being taken from one pub to another. I then limited his access to alternate weekends on condition that he did not drink when he was with her. This didn't work either.

I have now stopped him seeing her, since he returned a couple of Sundays ago barely able to stand. I have asked him to get professional help for his alcoholism, to no avail.

I'm asking if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they resolved it.

I appreciate it's important for them to see each other, can anyone offer advice, please?

[davidP]

Hmmm - extremely tricky. Until he realises and admits that he has a problem there is little you can do. As things stand if he is putting your daughter at risk then IMHO you have every right to stop his access. Perhaps this will be the trigger for him to recognise his problem.

[little onions]

Thankyou, David, you have echoed my thoughts. I just feel like a total bitch because, naturally, when he is sober he doesn't underdstand what's happened. It's also very hard to explain the situation to a 5 year old. I've told her that Daddy is ill and that he needs time to get well before he sees her again.

[Cranfield]

Your daughter is more likely to suffer from not seeing her father, than he is.

 

I don,t know if these are the sort of circumstances where Social Services can arrange "supervised visits", if you wish.

 

If his access rights are the subject of any formal order, this may be the only solution.

[Eddie]

Is'nt it still against the law to be drunk in charge of a child? Get a friend to follow him and make the neccessary phone call a few times.

[uk-carp.com]

I spent most of my childhood down the pub with my dad, I still love my dad but i hate him for taking me. All i can say is try to think long turm, Your daughter may be missing him and want to see him but she may end up hating him the way i do my dad. Being in a pub at the age of 5 is scary, everybody in there are tipsy or drunk and alsorts go on, even in the quite pubs. How many time i saw my dad get into fights or arguements well i have lost count. A pub is not the place a 5 year old should be it really is no good for her health.

 

My life now is diffrent than what it should be, i don't drink! I don't go into pubs (hate the smell) i never went clubbing because booze is about, i get angry when my girlfriend drinks. All becuase i sppent to many days and nights in a pub.

 

I say if he can't become responcible then he should not be allowed access your daughter will benifit in the long turn.

 

That said it's your choice at the end of the day.

[Nugg]

I can't, won't, offer you advice except that you should seek professional advice, as this has an effect on the rest of your daughters life.

I wish you good luck, and a happy outcome to the situation that you find yourself in.

[Newt]

If you want to get more first hand information about having an alcoholic parent and the effect it can have, http://www.nacoa.org.uk/ (NACOA - The National Association for Children of Alcoholics) would be a good source. It's the UK equiv. of ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) in the US.

 

They will also be well aware of your situations, it's likely effect on your daughter, and your options.

[little onions]

Thankyou everyone.

[nursejudy]

Hi

is there a trusted impartial person who could supervise or perhaps meet up with for joint visit,what ever you do please seek advice for your sanity as well as your daughter's safety.have you tried the Gingerbread group.

good luck

judy