Big Jeff

Nope I can't find the bit of earth that you mean either. Jeff

I comment very infrequently on anything that is posted, as most is either posted from someone who knows far more than me, or from someone with such views that lead to the conclusion that they are complete nutters. Today however I find myself in the position of having what are quite frankly insane views posted on the way that GP's are in future going to commission services for their patients, in light of changes to the way the NHs is to organise in the future. The idea that anyone who has signed the hipporatic oath would buy a yacht over the life of of a patient is insane. I am not a GP. I work with the GP's day in and day out. GP's are many things, greedy money grabbing bastards is one of them, but mercinary individuals prepared to sacrafice the life of patients is not one of the things that anyone I've met (and I have dealt with thousands) would ever be capable of being labelled with. I suggest that your remarks are withdrawn, unless you are sure that you are not labelling the medical profession as people who would sell their Granny for cash. Jeff

HELP ME GET ME LICENCE BACK Phil. Hi Mate, I am writing to you, because I need your help to get me bloody pilots licence back (you keep telling me you got all the right contacts, well now's your chance to make something happen for me because, mate, I'm bloody desperate). But first, I'd better tell you what happened during my last flight review with the CAA (Commonwealth Aviation Authority) Examiner. On the phone, Ron (that's the CAA guy) seemed a reasonable sort of bloke. He politely reminded me of the need to do a flight review every two years. He even offered to drive out, have look over my property and let me operate from my own strip. Naturally I agreed to that. Anyway, Ron turned up last Wednesday. First up, he said he was a bit surprised to see the plane on a small strip outside my homestead because the ALA (Authorised Landing Area) is about a mile away. I explained that because this strip was so close to the homestead, it was more convenient than that strip, despite the power lines crossing about midway down the strip (it's not really a problem to land and take-off because at the half-way point down the strip, you're usually still on the ground). For some reason Ron seemed nervous. So, although I had done the pre-flight inspection only four days earlier, I decided to do it all over again. Because the git was watching me carefully, I walked around the plane three times instead of my usual two. My effort was rewarded because the colour finally returned to Ron's cheeks - in fact they went a bright red. In view of Ron's obviously better mood, I told him I was going to combine the test flight with farm work, as I had to deliver three poddy calves from the home paddock to the main herd. After a bit of a chase, I finally caught the calves and threw them into the back of the ol' Cessna 172. We climbed aboard but Ron started gettin' into me about weight and balance calculations and all that crap. Of course I knew that sort of thing was a waste of time because calves like to move around a bit - particularly when they see themselves 500 feet off the ground, so it's bloody pointless trying to secure them, as you know. However, I did tell Ron that he shouldn't worry as I always keep the trim wheel set on neutral to ensure we remain pretty stable at all stages throughout the flight. Anyway, I started the engine and cleverly minimised the warm-up time by tramping hard on the brakes and gunning her to 2,500rpm. I then discovered that Ron has very acute hearing, even though he was wearing a bloody headset. Through all that noise he detected a metallic rattle and demanded that I account for it. Actually it began about a month ago and was caused by a screwdriver that fell down a hole in the floor and lodged in the fuel selector mechanism. The selector can't be moved now, but it doesn't matter because it's jammed on 'All tanks', so I suppose that's OK. However, as Ron was obviously a real nit-picker, I blamed the noise on vibration from a stainless steel thermos flask which I keep in a beaut little possie between the windshield and the magnetic compass. My explanation seemed to relax Ron because he slumped back in the seat and kept looking up at the cockpit roof. I released the brakes to taxi out but unfortunately the plane gave a leap and spun to the right. "Hell" I thought, "not the starboard wheel chock again". The bump jolted Ron back to full alertness. He looked wildly around just in time to see a rock thrown by the prop wash disappear completely through the windscreen of his brand new Commodore. "Now I'm really in trouble", I thought. While Ron was busy ranting about his car, I ignored his requirement that we taxi to the ALA and instead took off under the power lines. Ron didn't say a word - at least, not until the engine started coughing right at the lift off point, then he bloody screamed his head off ... "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" "Take it easy, Ron" I told him firmly, "that often happens on take-off and there is a good reason for it." I explained patiently that I usually run the plane on standard MOGAS, but one day I accidentally put in a gallon or two of kerosene. To compensate for the low octane of the kerosene, I siphoned in a few gallons of super MOGAS and shook the wings up and down a few times to mix it up. Since then, the engine has been coughing a bit but in general it worked just fine - if you know how to coax it properly. Anyway, at this stage Ron seemed to lose all interest in my flight test. He pulled out some rosary beads, closed his eyes and became lost in prayer (I didn't think anyone was a Catholic these days). I selected some nice music on the HF radio to help him relax. Meanwhile I climbed to my normal cruising altitude of 10,500 feet (I don't normally put in a flight plan or get the weather because as you know getting Fax access out here is a *** joke and the bloody weather is always 8/8 blue anyway. But since I had that near miss with a Saab 340, I might have to change me thinking). Anyhow, on levelling out, I noticed some wild camels heading into my improved pasture. Now I hate camels, and I always carry a loaded .303 clipped inside the door of the Cessna - just in case I see any of the bastards. We were too high to hit them, but as a matter of principle, I decided to have a go through the open window. Mate, when I pulled the bloody rifle out, the effect on Ron was friggin' electric. As I fired the first shot, his neck lengthened by about six inches and his eyes bulged like a rabbit with myxo. He really looked as if he had been jabbed with an electric cattle prod on full power. In fact, Ron's reaction was so distracting that I lost concentration for a second and the next shot went straight through the port tyre. Ron was a bit upset about the shooting (probably one of those pinko animal lovers I guess) so I decided not to tell him about our little problem with the tyre. Shortly afterwards, I located the main herd and decided to do my fighter pilot trick. Ron had gone back to praying when, in one smooth sequence, I pulled on full flap, cut the power and started a sideslip from 10,500 feet down to 500 feet at 130 knots indicated (the last time I looked anyway) and the little needle rushing up to the red area on me ASI. What a buzz, mate! About half way through the descent I looked back in the cabin to see the calves gracefully suspended in mid air and mooing like crazy. I was going to comment on this unusual sight but Ron looked a bit green and had rolled himself into the foetal position and was screamin' his f*&%# head off. Mate, talk about being in a bloody zoo. You should've been there, it was so bloody funny! At about 500 feet I levelled out, but for some reason we continued sinking. When we reached 50 feet I applied full power but nothin' happened; no noise no nothin'. Then, luckily, I heard me instructor's voice in me head saying "carby heat, carby heat", so I pulled carby heat on and that helped quite a lot, with the engine finally regaining full power. Whew, that was really close, let me tell you! Then mate, you'll never guess what happened next! As luck would have it, at that height we flew into a massive dust cloud caused by the cattle and suddenly went I.F. bloody R, mate. Phil, you would've been bloody proud of me as I didn't panic once, not once, but I did make a mental note to consider an instrument rating as soon as me gyro is repaired (something I've been meaning to do for a while now). Suddenly Ron's elongated neck and bulging eyes reappeared. His mouth opened wide, very wide, but no sound emerged. "Take it easy," I told him. "We'll be out of this in a minute." Sure enough, about a minute later we emerge; still straight and level and still at 50 feet. Admittedly I was surprised to notice that we were upside down, and I kept thinking to myself, "I hope Ron didn't notice that I had forgotten to set the QNH when we were taxiing". This minor tribulation forced me to fly to a nearby valley in which I had to do a half roll to get upright again. By now the main herd had divided into two groups leaving a narrow strip between them. "Ah!," I thought, "There’s an omen. We'll land right there." Knowing that the tyre problem demanded a slow approach, I flew a couple of steep turns with full flap. Soon the stall warning horn was blaring so loud in me ear that I cut its circuit breaker to shut it up, but by then I knew we were slow enough anyway. I turned steeply onto a 75 foot final and put her down with a real thud. Strangely enough, I had always thought you could only ground loop in a tail dragger but, as usual, I was proved wrong again! Halfway through our third loop Ron at last recovered his sense of humour. Talk about laugh. I've never seen the likes of it; he couldn't stop. We finally rolled to a halt and I released the calves, who bolted out of the aircraft like there was no tomorrow. I then began picking clumps of dry grass. Between gut wrenching fits of laughter Ron asked what I was doing. I explained that we had to stuff the port tyre with grass so we could fly back to the homestead. It was then that Ron really lost the plot and started running away from the aircraft. Can you believe it? The last time I saw him he was off into the distance, arms flailing in the air and still shrieking with laughter. I later heard that he had been confined to a psychiatric institution ? Poor ***! Anyhow, mate, that's enough about Ron. The problem is I just got a letter from CASA withdrawing, as they put it, my privileges to fly; until I have undergone a complete pilot training course again and undertaken another flight proficiency test. Now I admit that I made a mistake in taxiing over the wheel chock and not setting the QNH using strip elevation, but I can't see what else I did that was so bloody bad that they have to withdraw me flamin' licence, can you...?

"Getting a bit choppy - Whoops" Donald Campbell

Do you ever worry about the NHS at all? You should - These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow 1. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities . 27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. 28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. 29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. 31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. 33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Just think of the poor child or youngster that made it in some sweat shop somewhere. I know that there are many arguments for and against cheap clothing but really at that price it's a disposal item that ends up in land fill at the end of its short live that has consumed lots of energy in its production and shipping and for what? OR - perhaps I'm just jealous that at 6'8" they don't make them long enough. Jeff

Newt - that Chefs Choice sharpener is the puppies privates and well worth the money, very easy to use and is great for putting on and maintaining an edge. Over the years I have used all manor of sharpening systems and would comment as follows. http://www.razoredgesystems.com/ - a system that uses dry stones and guides that is fiddly and slow but extremely effective at getting something that is scary sharp - when I shapened a bushcraft knife knife using this - on putting it back in the sheath it cut the stitching. http://www.lanskysharpeners.com/video.php - a system that uses guides and stones that again is fiddly and time consuming that I personally have never really got on with (probably because you slide the hone not the knife up the blade) A butchers steel maintains an edge (strictly speaking straightenss it out) and should be smooth and not course - a liitle known fact. There are numerous other sharpeners that I have tried including water stones (which are esential for one sided Japanese knifes) and I have found them all to be disappointing. Finally actual knife choice is a often over looked - remember cost does not always equate to quality and what works for you will not necessarily work for someone else - I like sabatier chefs/cooks knife for the kitchen in stainless (does not not hold an edge as well as carbon steel but remains untarnished) and for fishing hunting etc anything that is made in 01 carbon that developes a nice patina over time particularly in salt! (you do need to oil and maintain these often) I have had and used many many knives and am now settled on 3 that will do all that i need. I have also found damascus to be over rated and stupidly expensive for something that does not perform any better than cheaper alternatives. Just my thoughts - but i do like a very sharp knife. Jeff

If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95, with HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50, £1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5, but..................... if you bought £1000 worth of cans of Stella Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant, you would get £214. So based on the above statistics the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and re-cycle. ps I know that recycled aluminium is not worth that much really - but the principle is the same!! Jeff

a female dwarf goes to her GP & complains about having a problem "below the belt" GP begins his examination by lifting up her skirt and immediately says he can see what the problem is.... he takes a pair of scissors and snips away for a few minutes. the lady dwarf experiences immediate relief and tentatively asks what was the problem, had she needed "a trim" down below??? GP replies "no, nothing of the sort, all i needed to do was cut the top off your wellies....." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?' 'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, David Miliband and Jacquie Smith. They're asking for a £10 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.' The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?' 'Most people are giving about a gallon.'

A young yob on a train eating a bag of prawns and he keeps throwing the shells and heads at a nun sat opposite. She patiently sits through this and when the bag is empty she gets up and pulls the emergency brake cord. The yob laughs and says "you'll get a £500 fine for that". The nun calmly replies, "When they smell your fingers you'll get five years. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mans wife is nagging him for a real fur coat, so being a cheapskate he has one made out of 3600 hamster pelts, took her to Blackpool pleasure beach and couldnt get her off the big wheel for 2 whole days.

Well then, at the weekend we stayed with friends in Harrogate. They lived in a flat with door closures on every door. The kitchen door closure was set incorrectly and kept slamming the door. DIY king here (how un true) decided that it needed adjustment!!! Undid the arm from the frame and discovered that the arm had been painted stuck - I opened the door (big mistake) thus loading up the arm with energy just waiting to close the heavy door with its normal slam!! Then I skillfully slipped a flat balded screwdriver under the stuck arm. Guess what happened. Yep - correct all the stored energy that normally shut the very big and heavy fire door was free and un fettered - leaving the small steell arm to wip round at the speed of light and bury itself in a cinder block wall!! Now if this had of been a modern flat it would have caught me in the temple (being 6'8") but fortunately it just brushed the top of my head. Please tell me I'm not the only stupid person in the world.

Once all the wall has been knocked down you enter your e-mail address and wait. I have heard nothing on e-mail since this morning that is all there is to it. I suspect from doing some googling that it is a marketing campaign for doritos. I expect a free bag!!!!

Just realised I posted the below somewhere else!!]## Anyway Have now finished it!! Waiting to see what happens with regard to the info you have to enter!!# Hint try throwing!!! Is Triangle Mystery an alternate reality game? A recent stumble led me to trianglemystery.com which claims that, “only the cunning will see the end”. The site - a flash application - presents you with a swirling set of triangle objects that you are able to click / throw against the back wall. It feeds you the odd random fact / clue about something that relates to triangles. The more you throw the central object, the more the wall crumbles until you step through and see an animated version of the image above. At this point it appears the only thing to do is populate your email address into the strange pyramid type object on the right. Unfortunately their ‘you will be told’ didn’t mean instantaneously so whatever events are to take place will not be this afternoon. A who-is lookup on the domain confirms that the site: Frito-Lay North America, Inc Domain Name Administrator 701 Legacy Drive - Mail Drop 3A-420 Plano, TX 75024 Domain servers in listed order: NS4.PBSG.COM NS3.PBSG.COM NS2.PBSG.COM NS1.PBSG.COM Created on…………..: 21-Apr-08 Expires on…………..: 21-Apr-10 Record last updated on..: 21-Apr-08 Most of what I was able to find from googling people believe that it is something Dorito’s based and probably going to suck. Since it only started a week ago I’m going to hold off reserving judgement. The visual quality of the site and ominous ambient music are good enough that I’d try following the puzzle trail should they send me a clue or two. UpdatesA Newsweek article from last year talks about Frito Lay trying to Take The Junk Out Of Junk Food with such covert names as “Eden Project”. Perhaps this is the beginning of a new marketing campaign for their newest healthy product and a talking cheetah just wouldn’t cut it. I really hope it’s something more than product placement. Anybody else discovered anything of interest in / related to the site?

Indeed where could you (ps didn't mean to comment on this thread hence edit) I still find the term fanny pack most amusing!!

Low passengers as it was full of lorries (big and Only 1 driver) and trailers they pick up the cab on the other side. Reports state that it was hit by a freak wave out at sea that moved the cargo(the lorries) and broke the restraining chains, causing the list. Bummer for the captain.# Hats off to the rescue helicopters - just flying in those winds must have been hell, let alone hovering with a man on a winch and evacuating people. Jeff