SHARK!!

[Bruno Broughton]

You become ship-wrecked in a shark-infested ocean. You clamber aboard a small but fully-equiped life raft, bobbing about on calm waters without land in sight.

 

Given these circumstances, what do you do - and (more importantly) what do you NOT do - to ensure your survival.

[Newt]

Bruno Broughton:

.... a small but fully-equiped life raft, bobbing about on calm waters without land in sight. ...

Get on the radio and call for air-sea rescue. Then take a nap until they arrive.

[chesters1]

to ensure that your genes can go forward , you would have to remove any threat to your existance i.e remove all others from the boat thus ensuring the food and water last ,try not to eat fish (have a catch and release policy to pass the time) ,never urinate unless recycling ,do not invite your friends round for a fancy dress party ,use the 32" widescreen telly sparingly (to conserve power) (you did say fulley equipped ) dont wear crampons when walking ,never go for a pizza (the raft will be nicked) ,use text messages instead of calls ,arrange to break wind in a controlled fashion to use it as a propulsion method ,do not tip the raft over to check for barnicals, never try to fashion your raft into a crude "glass bottomed boat" by cutting a hole in the bottom ,always use an ashtray ,look both ways before crossing the road

make sure your liferaft is a twin enginned 40ft cruiser with lots of fuel and have a spare one on the liferaft incase of emergency.

do i win £5

[spangles]

Chesters, if you dont win drop me a mail and i`ll give you the money mi self!!!!!

[phonebush]

Bruno,

I would spend time swimming and paddling about, spash the water around alot. Fatalist bloke that I am.

Phone

Curious for the answer as I don't really have a clue.

[Bruno Broughton]

Ok, peeps, you are obviously confused. Newt & Chesters - you're both shark supper, I'm afraid. Phone - we'll get there... eventually, but your actions have already ensured that you take the one-way trip to the world of gastric juices.

 

I'll give you some hints:-

 

1. the raft is fitted with a set of oars and an outboard motor (with fuel). Forget the other 'fully fitted' stuff. (Chesters - you are much more fun on here than on the coarse angling site - love it!).

 

2. a shark could chomp thro' the raft quite easily

 

3. use any knowledge you have of shark behaviour to save your ass!

 

Now, what should you NOT do?

 

[ 04 April 2002, 01:31 AM: Message edited by: Bruno Broughton ]

[Newt]

Well - right off hand I'd say that going for a swim would be a bad idea. Especially if I were black as the lighter bottoms of the feet flashing would act as a serious lure.

 

If I used the oars, it would have to be very carefully since a lot of sploshing about would also be a stupid idea.

 

Not wise at all to toss left over food bits over the side. Probably not good to even try to catch a fish either since any blood would be a meal call for the sharks.

 

Although, to tell the truth, any life raft without a radio is pretty silly. At least one of the automated signal things like they put in aircraft which will broadcast a distress signal.

[Bruno Broughton]

Newt - the raft is bleeping its emergency signal (unfortunately for you). A potential Newt-eating elasmobranch is a mile away, desperate for a square meal. How do you prevent it fulfilling its desires?

[Newt]

Bruno - here lately, the best way to keep a fish away would be for me to fish for it. They been staying away in droves.

 

But I have no real clue how to make a shark decide a raft isn't anything it wants to sniff around.

 

BTW - the distress thing should be on a radio frequency and I don't think even a shark can hear in that range.

[chesters1]

not to do ? ,dont cut your finger off and let the blood spurt into the sea, dont cut out pictures of particulary attractive sharks (of both sexes)and leave them in an inticing trail to your craft ,never shout with your head under water " come on you poof shark i`m gonna make mincemeat out of you" ,never decide to make minced whole fish fish fingers (look a vebal brace ) and leave the pulp in a canvas bag hanging over the side , never don a completly black all over wet suite ,jump in the water swim around with a fish in your mouth,then jump onto a large ball and clap your hands , never ever sing "duuuuur dent ,duuuur dent ,duuur dent ,duur dent ,dur dent durdent durdent " (wish i could write music) , never whilst drifting decide to open a kosher slaughterhouse , dont hang large steel cages under your raft ,never attach large lumps of meat or fish on rope and let them drift about ,never ever record the vibrations of dying fish and transmit them under water usind a hydrophone , keep those surfboards on the roofrack for later.