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Vampire Death

davidP

By davidP
in Non-Fishing Chat

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davidP Member

davidP

Posted
Posted

Count Dracula is on the pull in Glasgow. He spends the night drinking Bloody Mary's in various clubs and biting on unsuspecting women's necks.

He is heading for home, wandering along Argyle street sometime before sunrise.

 

Suddenly he is hit on the back of the head.

He looks round and sees nothing. He looks down and sees a small sausage roll.

"Mmmm", he thinks, "What's going on here?"

 

A few yards further on and ..BANG. Smacked on the back of the head again! He whirls round as quick as he can, nothing. Again he looks down and there is a small triangular sandwich lying on the ground.

"How odd!" he thinks.

A few yards further along the street and .... crash. Smacked on the back of the head again!! He whirls round as quick as he can, nothing. He's getting really angry now. Again he looks down and there is a cocktail sausage lying on the ground.

He stands and peers into the darkness of the night. Nothing. He walks a few yards further on when he gets a tap on the shoulder. With a swirl of his cape and a cloud of mist he turns as fast as he can. He feels a sharp pain in his heart. He falls to the ground clutching his chest, which is punctured by a small cocktail stick laden with a chunk of cheese and a pickle.

On the ground dying, he looks up and sees a young female. With his dying breath he gasps, "who are you?"

 

She replies my name is ...........

 

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>Buffet, the vampire slayer.

DISCLAIMER: All opinions herein are fictitious. Any similarities to real

opinions, living or dead, are entirely coincidental.

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chesters1 Member

chesters1

Posted
Posted
:D:D

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

None of this "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" crap it just means i have at least two enemies!

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

Life insurance? you wont enjoy a penny!

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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Newt Member

Newt

Posted
Posted

That one is either a 2-groan or a 3-groan. Good stuff. :)

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Newt Member

Newt

Posted
Posted

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic.

 

After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy because they had heard that Italian food was really good. So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice.

 

On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner.A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way. As they neared, the vampires made their move. Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below.

 

The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first-sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.

 

Our vampires are now fairly full but decide to get dessert. In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal.

 

The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous dinner but that it was time to head back home. As they started to walk away they began to hear some singing. They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge.

 

As they listened, they realized that it was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang........

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Here it comes . . .

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"Drained wops keep fallin' on my head . . ."

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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poledark Member

poledark

Posted
Posted

Oh deary deary me, that is one of your best Newt, :D:D:D

 

Den

"When through the woods and forest glades I wanderAnd hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,And hear the brook, and feel the breeze;and see the waves crash on the shore,Then sings my soul..................

for all you Spodders. https://youtu.be/XYxsY-FbSic

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