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Autumn Classes for Women

Newt

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Newt

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Autumn Classes for Women at

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

 

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

by Friday, August 15, 2009

 

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS

MAXIMUM.

 

 

Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

 

Class 2

Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching

About It for 3 Hours?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

 

Class 3

Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and

Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

 

Class 5

Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning

at 7:00 PM

 

Class 6

How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

 

Class 7

Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

 

Class 8

Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 9

I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

 

Class 10

How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

 

Class 11

Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers

Through the Windshield.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

 

Class 12

How to Shop by Yourself.

Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store,

Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

 

 

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to

the survivors.

 

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Janet Member

Janet

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Autumn Classes for Men

 

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

 

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

 

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

 

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy

Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and

Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

 

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

My flickr photostream....
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Ken L Member

Ken L

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Morning face wash.

 

Male:

Turn on the tap.

Wet hands and face.

Pick up soap, rub with water and place back in the soap dish.

Rub hands and face vigourously for five seconds.

Rince hands and face with clean water.

Rub face with towel to dry.

 

Female:

Stare into the mirror lamenting the glory of lost youth.

Pull at eyes and the corners of the mouth flatening out wrinkles.

Sigh heavily.

Run both taps for five minutes.

Sigh heavily and then clean the mirror which has now steamed up from the hot water.

Half fill the sink with water adding thimble fulls of hot or cold water until the temperature is just right.

Glance to one side and notice that the toilet seat is up - save this nugget of information for latter !

Wet hands and face taking as much time as possible.

place Dove soap into the water and use it to gently massage hands whilst turning the water into an unspeakable white gloop.

Wash face very slowly with the gloop using a face cloth.

Empty the sink and wash it out.

Rince the face cloth.

Refill the sink using the same procesure as before to ensure the correct temperature.

Rinse face carefully.

Rinse face again noting that it's actually impossible to remove the residue of Dove soap from your face with ordinary water.

Empty the sink.

Wash the sink out and rinse the face cloth - leaving it somewhere unsightly to dry.

Take a clean towel and dab inefectually at face with it noting that it doesn't actually absorb any water because you put fabric conditioner in the wash again.

Pull at eyes and mouth again.

Sigh heavily.

Reach for the makeup.

 

Put the toilet seat down on your way out, knowing that the next person to use it will be your partner - who will then have to put it back up.

Species caught in 2020: Barbel. European Eel. Bleak. Perch. Pike.

Species caught in 2019: Pike. Bream. Tench. Chub. Common Carp. European Eel. Barbel. Bleak. Dace.

Species caught in 2018: Perch. Bream. Rainbow Trout. Brown Trout. Chub. Roach. Carp. European Eel.

Species caught in 2017: Siamese carp. Striped catfish. Rohu. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Black Minnow Shark. Perch. Chub. Brown Trout. Pike. Bream. Roach. Rudd. Bleak. Common Carp.

Species caught in 2016: Siamese carp. Jullien's golden carp. Striped catfish. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Alligator gar. Rohu. Black Minnow Shark. Roach, Bream, Perch, Ballan Wrasse. Rudd. Common Carp. Pike. Zander. Chub. Bleak.

Species caught in 2015: Brown Trout. Roach. Bream. Terrapin. Eel. Barbel. Pike. Chub.

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greg long Member

greg long

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Autumn Classes for Men

 

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Why, my beer should be already chilled.

 

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

 

Who uses most of it?

 

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Yes

 

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

 

We don't want to make the basket too heavy for you...it's called being considerate.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

 

Whats the dishwasher for?

 

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Its ok, you can't figure out how to replace the batteries, and you change your mind so often they will run out in no time

 

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

 

Did you mention your 'safe place'? If you left it where we put it down we could find it.

 

 

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Yes it is, you will just assume we are guilty of something and assuaging our conscience

 

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

 

Real men don't get lost

 

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

 

That is called hibernation .... men don't sleep that long

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

 

Mothers don't nag, wives don't say why don't you go out and play....... that ones easy..

 

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

We know how to shop, go to the store pick out what you need, pay for it, and leave....not spend all day trying on shoes and dresses we know are two sizes too small....It's just you are not able to learn the basics..

 

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy

Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and

Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

You don't actually want to be reminded of your real age do you?

 

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

 

WE know all about this.....our Mothers can actually cook, it's just the wives that can't.

 

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

IF YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE THE BEST

Don't seek a second opinion.

 

http://www.anglingireland.info

Fish Paintings

Linocut fishy prints..

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