Another joke . .

[Andrew Boyd]

Mike is cheesed off. Not just any old cheesed off but cheesed off big time, yep that bad.

Talking to his old mate Nick down the local, out spills a tail of woe which strangly enough is all about his wife. Turn's out she's having an affair, has raiding the savings, crashed the car ( again ) plus her credit card bills are eye poppingly huge, all 27 of them!

Nick has a suggestion. He has a mate who murders for fun, yep it's a bit of a hobby and he's very good at it, never been caught and has turned his grisley pastime into an artform . . so long as you like red! "I'll give him a call, he'll be pleased to help out, he gets to murder and you get rid of your problem" . . "everyone's a winner, well maybe not your wife".

Nick makes the call and his mate, Arti is his name, agrees instantly, well it will save him the bother of locating his next victim. All Arti needs to know is where the victim will be on a particular day plus a description.

Mike tells Nick "let Arti know she shops in Sainsburys every Friday morning about 10.30 and always wears a red coat and hat". "Oh and how much will Arti want"? "Nothing" says Nick, "he does it for fun remember". Mike insists on taking 'ownership' for the deed, I need to give him someting just to feel conected, to make me feel better, to make me feel some responsibility, here's a £1 coin give him this at least. Nick agrees and they go their seperate ways.

The next Friday Arti cases the joint looking for a sutable sopt where he won't be seen but can observe the shoppers as they load their trollys with E numbers and such like. He finds just the place beside the freezer cabinets and settles down to wait. It's not long before a woman in a red hat and coat appears and he grabs her choking her to death, quickly stashing the body next to the frozen peas. "Enjoyed that" he says to himself and is just about to leave when . .. Another woman in a red hat and coat appears! "Dratn'blast" he murmurs "I'd better do this one as well just to be sure" . . so he does!

But Arti has not been very clever, he has fogotten the CCTV and is soon caught! The very next day the headlines read . . . .

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Arti-chokes 2 for a £1 at Sainsburys !

[wheatsmum]

[Newt]

Excellent.

[Slashley]

LOL

[Tyke]

what a vegetable.

[peterpikefisher]

A stock broker, on his way home from work in New York City, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems much worse than usual. He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?

The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is depressed, so she stopped her motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband has spent all her money and the Democrats told her to forget about running for President in 2008. So we're taking up a collection for her.

The stock broker asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replies "About 4 1/2 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."

[Snatcher]

[MrWiggly]

Wait .......... there's more ...

 

 

A lunatic escapes from a local assylum and legs it down the road.

 

He dashes into the local launderette, much to the dismay of the women who are in there.

 

Overcome by lust the lunatic has his wicked way with the women, before escaping out of the rear door.

 

That evening the local newspaper carries the headline ......

 

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NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS !!!