Wives

[Paul_D]

Something About Wives"

 

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

 

-Henny Youngman

 

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

 

-Rodney Dangerfield

 

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

 

-Milton Berle

 

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was

 

water in the carburettor." I asked her, "Where's the car?"

 

She replied, In the lake."

 

-Henny Youngman

 

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

 

-Henny Youngman

 

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I

 

was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear,

 

but I was in love and didn't notice."

 

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than

 

to let him keep her.

 

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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't

 

like to interrupt her.

 

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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.

 

So I got myself two girlfriends.

 

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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided

 

not to report it since the thief was spending much

 

less than his wife did.

 

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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is

 

finished.

 

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does

 

it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm

 

still paying."

 

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa, a

 

Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad:

 

That happens in every country, son.

 

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real

 

happiness was until I got married; then it was too

 

late.

 

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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

 

The next day he received a hundred letters.

 

They all said the same: "You can have mine."

 

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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a

 

millionaire." And what was he before you married him?"

 

asked the friend. "A billionaire." she replied,

 

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

 

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

 

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It's not true that married men live longer than single

 

men. It only seems longer.

 

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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost

 

impossible.

 

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go

 

Through life Thinking they had no faults at all.

 

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A successful man is one who makes more money

 

than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can

 

find such a man.

 

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for

 

whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he

 

gets.

 

The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a

 

million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

 

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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.

 

They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

 

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The most effective way to remember your wife's

 

birthday is to forget it once

[Emz]

[David.W]

...and these are the reason that I just borrow someone elses wife, I can hand them back...

[*Ant*]

Brilliant.

[Ken Davison South Wales]

You two have a lot to learn about women.

 

a) They do the handing back, you only think you do.

 

A married woman on the hunt is far more dangerous than a single one, she knows whats she looking for and it ain't fun.

 

c) When a married woman finds what she wants she will also now how to get it.

 

BEWARE

[Huge_Vitae]

Why do me die before their wives?

 

 

Because the WANT to

[Emz]

Ken Davison South Wales:

You two have a lot to learn about women.

 

a) They do the handing back, you only think you do.

 

A married woman on the hunt is far more dangerous than a single one, she knows whats she looking for and it ain't fun.

 

c) When a married woman finds what she wants she will also now how to get it.

 

BEWARE

Got it in one

[n4lly]

Do i go to the car wash or the lawyers?

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[Paul_D]

Take her to the cleaners........