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Conspiracy

Newt

By Newt
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Newt Member

Newt

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Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

 

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

 

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

 

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection........Well, REALLY NOW ......... even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

 

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

 

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

 

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

 

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

 

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.

 

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

 

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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chesters1 Member

chesters1

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being poor i have resorted to buying clothes from charity shops ,the trousers are all in the 30" - 34" sizes (mostly) and the jackets in the 36" - 38" sizes

me being a fat pig take 44 trousers and 48" jackets but these are few and far between why

A) fat people dont die?

B) fat people dont buy clothes

C) someone removes the fat sizes for some unknown reasons

D) being thin is bad for your health and you die young

:(:D:D

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

None of this "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" crap it just means i have at least two enemies!

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

Life insurance? you wont enjoy a penny!

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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John S Member

John S

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Newt:

Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?[/b]

You've got a bosom??? Must be all that GM food....

 

BTW, what size, and do you have pics? :D

John S

Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra

 

Species caught in 2017 Common Ash, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, White Willow.

Species caught in 2016: Alder, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Crab Apple, Left Earlobe, Pedunculate Oak, Rock Whitebeam, Scots Pine, Smooth-leaved Elm, Swan, Wayfaring tree.

Species caught in 2015: Ash, Bird Cherry, Black-Headed Gull, Common Hazel, Common Whitebeam, Elder, Field Maple, Gorse, Puma, Sessile Oak, White Willow.

Species caught in 2014: Big Angry Man's Ear, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Common Whitebeam, Downy Birch, European Beech, European Holly, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, Wych Elm.
Species caught in 2013: Beech, Elder, Hawthorn, Oak, Right Earlobe, Scots Pine.

Species caught in 2012: Ash, Aspen, Beech, Big Nasty Stinging Nettle, Birch, Copper Beech, Grey Willow, Holly, Hazel, Oak, Wasp Nest (that was a really bad day), White Poplar.
Species caught in 2011: Blackthorn, Crab Apple, Elder, Fir, Hawthorn, Horse Chestnut, Oak, Passing Dog, Rowan, Sycamore, Willow.
Species caught in 2010: Ash, Beech, Birch, Elder, Elm, Gorse, Mullberry, Oak, Poplar, Rowan, Sloe, Willow, Yew.

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Newt Member

Newt

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I have pics but it will cost ya to see them. old-laugher.gif

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Jim Roper Member

Jim Roper

Posted
Posted
Newt:

Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become![/b]

I didn't think anybody in America dared to walk anywhere. My sister was in New England about 2 falls ago and appeared to be a topic of conversation because she was 'walking' along the sidewalk.

 

Jim Roper

https://www.harbourbridgelakes.com/


Pisces mortui solum cum flumine natant

You get more bites on Anglers Net

 

 

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Newt Member

Newt

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Jim - it was probably due to the way she was dressed or outfitted. Possiblities:

 

1. Her body armour was too light indicating insufficient kevlar to offer real protection.

 

2. She was carrying the wrong brand of mace. Some have too low a CS content to be really effective.

 

3. She had forgotten to equip her rotweiler with body armour so it could easily be taken out with a small caliber bullet.

 

4. For NYC, she would have needed a good hand gun in addition to the mace to be considered properly equipped for a stroll.

 

If she was good on all the above, another thought is that she was walking "brit style" and keeping to the left. Most US folk bear right when walking on sidewalks the same as we drive.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Steve Randles Member

Steve Randles

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Newt,

 

As there is a "conspiracy" afoot..are you really sure that you are driving on the correct side of the road?

 

Just a thought...

There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs. - Ansel Adams

 

Focal Planet

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Jim Roper Member

Jim Roper

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Steve Randles:

Newt,

 

As there is a "conspiracy" afoot..are you really sure that you are driving on the correct side of the road?

 

Just a thought...

We Brits (and a few more) drive on the Left side. The rest drive on the WRONG side.

 

Jim Roper

https://www.harbourbridgelakes.com/


Pisces mortui solum cum flumine natant

You get more bites on Anglers Net

 

 

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Jim Roper Member

Jim Roper

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Newt:

Most US folk bear right when walking on sidewalks the same as we drive.

The correct way to walk or pass on the pavement (SORRY!! Sidewalk) is for the gent to go on the outside allowing the lady to pass close to the building where she will be protected should someone above shout 'garde lou' (hope that's how you spell it).

Not a lot of people know that!!!

 

Jim Roper

https://www.harbourbridgelakes.com/


Pisces mortui solum cum flumine natant

You get more bites on Anglers Net

 

 

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chesters1 Member

chesters1

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unless ofcourse you are lefthanded :)

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

None of this "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" crap it just means i have at least two enemies!

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

Life insurance? you wont enjoy a penny!

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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