BMP consultation closed today.

[Steve Coppolo]

Well, the consultation on the bass MLS closed today. To those that have responded, well done. To those that haven't, you're too late!

 

So now it's all down to waiting to see what the outcome will be. There will now be a very complicated and confusing decision making process carried out by people who are paid to be far more clever than us. I wonder what it will involve? We can only imagine.................................................

 

..........

 

All the responses will be counted and separated into two heaps. One heap will be typed responses, the other will be hand written ones. The two piles will then be counted. The total number on each pile will be multiplied by the number of anglers in the UK and then divided by the number of commercial bass fishermen. This figure will then be subtracted from the number of miles of gill net used around the UK, and then divided by the average mesh size. The number of tackle shops will then be added to the number of under 10m commercial fishing boats and multiplied by the square root of the number of charter boats operating from Weymouth. The tally will then be fed into a computer where it will be crunched with the winning numbers from last saturdays lottery.

 

This should give a number of between 36 and 45. So that will take care of the actual MLS in cm's. Then they are going to have to come up with a minimum mesh size.

 

To get the mesh size right the new MLS will be fed into a model, where it will be compared to other models. The Airfix 72:1 scale Supermarine Spitfire is a favourite, as is the car from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The number that is arrived at will be fed into a knitting machine which will then knit a one metre square of gill net. The knitting will then be measured with a plastic ruler and 5mm will betaken from the final measurement, just as a goodwill gesture. This will give us the right mesh size to compliment the MLS.

 

The decision should be made by the Spring of this year, so somewhere in between the MLS and the mesh size being decided, the whole department will take their annual leave. Some of them will retire. There will then have to be a recruitment campaign and interviews to replace the retired members of the team. The new members will then have to serve a probation period before being confirmed into the post. This will put the deadline back by at least 6 months and increase the budget by about £200,000. The knitting machine will then be due for it's annual service, and someone will stand on the spitfire breaking off a wheel and a piece of the tail.

 

By this time global warming would have reversed the decline in Cod stocks and everyone will have forgotten about bass.

 

 

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER. This thread is not intended to make fun of, hurt the feelings of, any person who works at DEFRA. It is just a bit of fun after what has been a very tense few months.

Edited February 9, 2006 by Steve Coppolo

[steve good]

Well, the consultation on the bass MLS closed today. To those that have responded, well done. To those that haven't, you're too late!

 

So now it's all down to waiting to see what the outcome will be. There will now be a very complicated and confusing decision making process carried out by people who are paid to be far more clever than us. I wonder what it will involve? We can only imagine.................................................

 

..........

 

All the responses will be counted and separated into two heaps. One heap will be typed responses, the other will be hand written ones. The two piles will then be counted. The total number on each pile will be multiplied by the number of anglers in the UK and then divided by the number of commercial bass fishermen. This figure will then be subtracted from the number of miles of gill net used around the UK, and then divided by the average mesh size. The number of tackle shops will then be added to the number of under 10m commercial fishing boats and multiplied by the square root of the number of charter boats operating from Weymouth. The tally will then be fed into a computer where it will be crunched with the winning numbers from last saturdays lottery.

 

This should give a number of between 36 and 45. So that will take care of the actual MLS in cm's. Then they are going to have to come up with a minimum mesh size.

 

To get the mesh size right the new MLS will be fed into a model, where it will be compared to other models. The Airfix 72:1 scale Supermarine Spitfire is a favourite, as is the car from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The number that is arrived at will be fed into a knitting machine which will then knit a one metre square of gill net. The knitting will then be measured with a plastic ruler and 5mm will betaken from the final measurement, just as a goodwill gesture. This will give us the right mesh size to compliment the MLS.

 

The decision should be made by the Spring of this year, so somewhere in between the MLS and the mesh size being decided, the whole department will take their annual leave. Some of them will retire. There will then have to be a recruitment campaign and interviews to replace the retired members of the team. The new members will then have to serve a probation period before being confirmed into the post. This will put the deadline back by at least 6 months and increase the budget by about £200,000. The knitting machine will then be due for it's annual service, and someone will stand on the spitfire breaking off a wheel and a piece of the tail.

 

By this time global warming would have reversed the decline in Cod stocks and everyone will have forgotten about bass.

 

 

Hi Steve

 

LOL LOL I heard they had a paper shredded under the letter box at defra, all incoming consultatiion responses just got shredded, so what they do now is put raffle tickets in a hat with numbers 36 to 45 and draw one out for the mls, then the whole defra department go's for a well deserved holiday after all the hard work they done sorting through all those responses

 

might easyer than that just throw darts at dart board till they reach a number some where between 36=45

 

 

we of little faith LOL LOL LOL

 

Steve

[stavey]

Ok steve's, whats your gut feelings will it or wont it?

[Tom Pinborough]

quote from stavey

 

"whats your gut feelings"

 

it really depends on how you treat a gut , treat badly and you could hurt its feelings.

 

cheers

Tom

 

[Ian Burrett]

Nice post Steve

Does that mean we can all be friendly now?

[Steve Coppolo]

It depends what colour wool they use Stavey

 

 

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER. This thread is not intended to make fun of, hurt the feelings of, any person who works at DEFRA. It is just a bit of fun after what has been a very tense few months.

Edited February 9, 2006 by Steve Coppolo

[Tom Pinborough]

stavey , 10 pints of bitter and an "iffy" curry hurt my guts feelings :-)

 

cheers

Tom

[GowerRay]

The Welsh consultation still has 5 days to go. Time enough if anyone's interested. Reply details:

Closing date 14 February 2006 to:-

 

Mrs Hannah Hess

Welsh Assembly Government

ECM Fisheries

Government Buildings CP2

Cathays Park

Cardiff

CF10 3NQ

email:Fisheries@Wales.GSI.GOV.UK

[wurzel]

I think Steve is begining to get the measure of DEFRA.

 

Just about sums up fisheries managment in general.

[Norm B]

I think Steve is begining to get the measure of DEFRA.

 

Just about sums up fisheries managment in general.

Fisheries management is on par with Army intelligence.