confession time

[kleinboet]

Hi Kendo - My name is Roy Ironside. I used to play for Barnsley Football club when they were in the Fourth Division.

 

We played a game against Tranmere Rovers, which was televised. I had just let a real ripsnort f*rt go and really thought I had sh*t myself when this ball came trundling towards me. I went to bend down to pick it up and f*rted again! I was so worried that I was going to sh*t myself, that I straightened up again and the ball went through my legs.

 

This could have happned to anyone but some *x"!£$%$%^ supporter named John Ellison complained and I was dropped from the team. With no income, my wife divorced me and took our 7 children with her. The last I heard was that she was doing O.K. on the dole and living in a council flat in Liverpool!

[Gerbil0154]

True Story

 

Served my time in an old rambling steelworks. We used to trial assemble cranes in a huge area we called the ranch which was about half a mile from the ablutions so, being young and stupid, we used to make do with the adjacent heavy undergrowth.

 

Now most of you will realise that as soon as you put a load of young apprentices together they're gonna take liberties.

 

Willie Campbell was caught short one day and dived behind the greenery for a number two. If you've ever worn a boiler suit you'll know that it's not a easy garment to open and lower. It gave just enough time for one of the local jokers to slip behind him in the bushes with a shovel, which he slid quietly into place and caught the number two without Willie realising.

 

I still crease myself thinking about Willie coming out of those bushes desperately patting himself down to find his missing number two, which he was convinced was still secreted about his person somewhere.

[nursejudy]

Perhaps now is the right time to make my confession.

In 1969 when a student nurse on nights,I had duly collected everyones false teeth in little named pots,on a tray and made my way to the sluice room and struggled with the door ,fell into the sluice headlong......the tray went up in the air teeth and sterident flying everyway.....

 

Me knocked out...got hit by the door.....carted off to casualty.....

 

Never did find out if everyone got their own teeth back or not......

 

SORRY

[Alan Stubbs]

I cut out a magazine picture of someone's wedding tackle and stuck it over a person's passport photograph when I was at school.

 

I hope they don't read this.

[Snatcher]

When I was about 10 or 11 early one winters morning did not want to go to the cold outside toilet from our upstairs flat so - had a pee out of the window!!

Heard screams from the woman downstairs to us cos she was just leaving the house and got the lot.

Oh dear,knock on the door and father came rushing upstairs. "Have you just peed on Mrs Jones from downstairs" and here was the lie that saved my young neck - "no dad you see that minnow trap lying on the windowsill,well I accidently knocked it over and the stagnant water inside must have spilled out of the window onto Mrs Jones below"

I was given the benefit of the doubt on that occasion. Never done it again. So at what age do anglers start spinning yarns then?

 

[ 21. March 2005, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: Snatcher ]

[Mat Hillman]

my Confession

 

I'm supposed to be working right now, but instead I'm reading AN

 

Mat

[Emz]

My confession..

 

Today I played a really cruel prank on my boyfriend and I really made him worry like hell!

 

I don't think he's quite forgiven me yet