Sorry Sandtiger

[Huge_Vitae]

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer --you're in the wrong place."

 

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

 

pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and

flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

 

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

 

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

 

God replies, "WHAT You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

 

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

 

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

 

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

[Vagabond]

 

One of our "treasured possessions" is a letter of apology from a solicitor

 

[ 03. February 2005, 08:30 PM: Message edited by: Vagabond ]

[SandTiger]

LOL@Huge_Vitae...

 

A lawyer, a rabbi and a priest are in a boat in shark-infested waters. The boat springs a leak, and they draw straws to pick who will have to leave the boat and try to swim to shore. The rabbi loses, and he jumps into the water and is promptly consumed by the sharks.

 

The priest and the lawyer next draw straws, and the priest loses. He then jumps into the water, and the sharks quickly devour him. When the boat is almost filied with water, the lawyer jumps into the water and begins swimming to shore.

 

When the lawyer gets to shore, the people on the beach run over to him and ask, "How is it that the priest and rabbi were eaten by the sharks, and you were given a clear path?" The lawyer responded, "Professional courtesy!"

 

[argyll]

.....apparently lawyers are now being used for laboratory experiments. It seems the lab assistants got rather too attached to the rats.

[SandTiger]

Did you hear about the terrorist who hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

[SandTiger]

A man was on vacation when he ran into an old acquaintance. "Hello, Joe," he said. "I haven't seen you in years. What are you doing these days?"

 

"I'm practicing law," whispered Joe. "But don't tell my mother. She thinks I'm still a pimp."

 

[Newt]

A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

 

*********************

 

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.

"Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 of them."

[SandTiger]

Right back at you Newt

 

Here lies John Shaw,

Attorney-at-law;

And when he died,

The Devil cried,

"Give us your paw,

John Shaw

Attorney-at-law!"

 

H. J. Loaring, Epitaphs Quaint, Curious and Elegant, 1872

[severus]

It was real cold here this morning. My lawyer had his hands in his own pockets.

[Huge_Vitae]

LOL.......

 

looks like we have found a thing we all have jokes about...

 

Next..........

 

Few Good lawyers

 

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.

 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

 

"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."

 

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"