A TRIBUTE TO RONNIE BARKER............

[pestguard1]

In memory of a great man. Ronnie .

> > ------------------------------------------ --------------

> >

> > This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie

> > Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how

many

> > takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of

> > delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting

> > through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your

> > pants] as you read ...

> >

> > ------------------------------------------ --------------

> >

> > This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

> >

> > Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.

Rindercella

> > worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling

> > shot.

> >

> > At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

> >

> > The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary

Hinge,

> > and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible

> > huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters

had

> > tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let

> > Rindercella go.

> >

> > Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.

> > Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She

> > turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with

> > six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks

> >

> > The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight

otherwise,

>

> > there would be a cucking falamity.

> >

> > At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when

> > suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!"

said

> > Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so

dropping

> > her slass glipper.

> >

> > The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door

and

>

> > the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her

leg

> > and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome

> hince.

> > "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the

> > stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both

the

>

> > sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

> >

> > Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a

> > knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge

> > halls and a hig bard on.

> >

> > He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking

> > ferfectly.

> >

> > Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince

> > lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a

> > follen swanny.

 

 

--------------------

[poledark]

Last time this appeared it only lasted a few minutes....how long this time??

 

Den (I have a copy )

[Alan Fawcett]

i got to knucking fackered before i creased up, always do can't help it....[ ]

[Dan]

Hey I saw it this time!

[Snatcher]

Also seen it He was a top man!

[Ken L]

Has anyone ever seen or heared Ronnie Barker doing this one ?

I've just done a quick search to see if I could locate an audio or video file of it on the net and most results seem to indicate that it was acually done by some guy called Red Skelton.

[Dan]

Ronnie was never that vulgar, but its a good read and still here! Newt must be sleeping!

[argyll]

I've heard this piece described as the one that Ronnie Barker never wrote. It wouldnt have been Red Skelton either...it might be bit too coarse for Ronnie Barker but its definitely english and not american.