What a smart lot we are!

[Peter Waller]

I'm not sure why but every Sunday atleast two mystery tour coaches go along my road. Have done for years. No one famous lives here, nor ever has done. Real mystery as to why. Lots of little old grey haired ladies, all clutching the seat in front of them, all admiring the houses, except mine which is a typical anglers house, it needs painting and the garden is a shambles.

 

This past Sunday was probably the last time they will ever do it though! A party of fellow pikers stood outside my house, talking as fellow pikers do! Effing this, effing that, effing great thing came off at the effing net, effing thirty pound if it was an effing ounce! Why do anglers swear so much? Yea, we've all been there, you know what I mean! Yes, they must have heard us, it had been a great days fishing, a good laugh. But it was how they must have seen us that made me smile! What a smart lot we were!

 

Okay, so a few matchmen have their natty colour co-ordinated blue Halkon Hunts on; no, thats not Cockney slang. You might see a carp angler, or two, with pressed creases in their Real Tree strides. But for most of us, sartorial elegance is not part of yer average angler's make-up, or is it? I have an American book that shows a typical American angler. Its called The Ultralight Angler and, on the cover, is an angler in natty, matching primrose yellow shorts and shirt! Not dressed as yer actual average UK angler might be.

 

My mate Trev was there, fashionably showing his exceedingly ample bare midriff over the top of his jeans, noticeably with the zip still down! Big Charlie was dressed in a subtle green drab outfit, a tad undersize, that hadn't seen a washing machine in years, if ever. Brian, well, even the Sally Anne charity shop would have rejected his outfit had he donated it. He still had his pyjamma top on under his 'lucky' jumper, a garment with more holes than wool in it. Collin was obviously a would be 'action man', a surplus store junkey if ever there was. Paul stood there, in his green fluffy baby-grow, a fine figure of dyslexic manhood. His hair clearly untouched by comb or brush. As for the array of hats! Ha, anglers hats!! Our first group piking session of the year. They had had since March 14 to sort themselves out for heavens sakes!

 

Is this just an 'older pike angler' thing? Or are the majority of us old gits just oblivious to the influence of the fashion world when it comes to our clothing? In the main our tackle has to be just right, but our clothing! Oh dear! Sandra Halkon Hunt has a very, very long way to go.

 

[ 18. September 2002, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Peter Waller ]

[poledark]

Well Peter, you should come "darn sarf" a bit more, I saw a guy(?) a couple of seasons back on the Kennet...he arrived and loaded his trolley, all gleaming chrome and shiny paint, his box and quiver were spotless, his wellies were clean, his clothes were VERY clean, his hair was combed and he had had a shave just before leaving home(???)

Straight out of an angling catalogue.

 

Now the banks were wet and muddy, the track to the river was rutted and muddy, one had to stagger and slip all the way, he went almost to the top of the beat, fished all day, caught some Barbel, and arrived back at his spotless car without a mark on him or his tackle!!

 

Everyone else came back covered in mud and muck, as usual.

 

I think his father was a bloke I used to fish and camp with, this bloke would not eat fried eggs if there were any burnt crinkly bits round the edge, he would cut them off with scissors, and always peeled the mushrooms I gathered.

 

If I can still find it, and the mice have left any of it I will be wearing my 40+ year old Barbour on the March,, over my AN Tshirt of course, wouldn't want to let the side down

 

Den

[AberdeenAngus]

I say, Old Boy. Letting the side down a bit are we not?

 

I often wonder why young whippersnappers stare at me whist I fish. After all, what is wrong with me wearing my Harris Tweed Jacket, woollen tie (or cravat in the winter), Deer Stalker, Plus Fours (tweed of course) and brown brogues.

 

I often get in an awful stew when Humphreys my Butler, who always accompanies me on my expeditions, fails to keep the hamper containing the Dom Perignon at the right temperature. How do the rest of you lower classes cope?

 

Mind you, Humphreys always does a splendid and spiffing job in retrieving my tackle when it gets snagged. Never complains about wading out into the water. I always slip him an extra guinea or two to keep the old boy happy.

 

Another mystery I would like you lower class chaps to resolve. How do you keep the blood off your clothes when you kill the fish with your priest? I am always berrating Humphreys standard of attire... splattered in blood. Not a good show.

 

And one further thing you chaps. What is the best way of cooking Carp? I often take home a jolly good sized Carp for the table. Mrs Potter, My cook, is a dab hand at gutting it, but is running out of recipes. Any ideas chaps? The last dish she served up was called "Terrine of Two Tone."

 

If any of you fancy earning a guinea or 2 this weekend, I need my Bentley "minding" (I think thats what you Cockney Wits call it) whilst I go on this march thing. I have a brace of Purdeys which should help keep the young ruffians off the old Bentley.Bit of a bore I know, but doesn't require a Public School Education to look after the motor does it, so you lower classes should be able to cope.

 

Tally Ho

[Bluey]

Well Peter

 

I suppose if anyone was to ask who you were you could always tell them you're the Compo appreciation/fan club having your weekly meeting in honour of the great Compo from "Last of The Summer Wine" cus that's the picture that conjures up in my mind

(I bet there's more than one set of wrinkled stockings on those buses )

[greg long]

You could try leaving a bowl on the bank behind you whilst fishing, you might collect a few bob for those trendy new threads, designer of course.

 

anglingireland.info

[AberdeenAngus]

I say, old boy, steady on. Would these be the same bowls that one uses for mixing the Pimms? I hadn't realised that matters were so bad out there among the working classes that you chaps had to resort to begging.

[Adz]

Anyone who drinks pimms needs using for bait! There's only one drink for the waterside... a nip of scotch every half hour or so and a taxi home ;D

[AberdeenAngus]

Are you not a tad concerned about using transport in which any old Tom, Dick or Harry may have been conveyed? It must be frightfully inconvenient not having your own motor car. It is dashed useful having Humphreys to drive me home in the Bentley.

[Adz]

Bl00dy terrified mate... especially since all the drivers around here are usually more ****** than I am...

 

Hence the polythene suit and gas mask... and although I try _really_ hard not to enjoy it, I just can't help meself!

[Adz]

Ah... not allowed to use the vernacular for 'drunk' or mildy inebriated - perhaps 'pickled' would be accepted by the autocensor? We wait with 'baited' breath.