Very Poor Friday Joke

[Paul_D]

GREEN BANANA

 

This bloke is working on the buses and collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus

and is killed.

At the trial the bloke is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's

sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

 

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?"

 

"Yes" answers the executioner.

 

"Can I have that green banana?" the man asks.

 

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits until he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

 

"Can I go?" the man asks.

 

"I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's

never happened before."

 

The man leaves and eventually gets his job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still

getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair.

 

The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is again sat in

the chair.

 

"What is your final wish?" asks the executioner.

 

"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the condemned

man.

 

The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still there smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

 

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all the electricity in America to the chair,

determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

 

"What's your final wish?" asks the executioner.

 

"Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch?"

 

The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner then pulls the handle and a zillion million trillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

 

"I give up" says the executioner,

 

"I don't understand. How you can still be alive after all that?"

 

He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it?" he asked.

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"Nahh" said the bloke,".....I'm just a really bad conductor."

 

 

SORRY!

[*Ant*]

[littlefeathers]

very good.

[Scapanapper]

Shocking

 

Scapa

[Newt]

Gasp. Choke. And ROFLMAO.

 

That's as good (bad?) pun as I've seen in a while and I really, really, really love a good pun.

 

I don't seem to have a fresh one handy just now so will have to make do with this very interesting story. At least, interesting if you ever listen to baseball games.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

PRILEP, Yugoslavia (AP) - Outside a small Macedonian village close to the border between Greece and strife-torn Yugoslavia, a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of the site of significant historical developments spanning more than 2,000 years.

 

When Sister Maria Cyrilla of the Order of the Perpetual Watch dies, the convent of St. Elias will be closed by the Eastern Orthodox Patriarch of Macedonia. However, that isn't likely to happen soon, as Sister Maria, 53, enjoys excellent health. By her own estimate, she walks 10 miles daily about the grounds of the convent, which once served as a base for the army of Attila the Hun.

 

In more ancient times, a Greek temple to Eros, the god of love, occupied the hilltop site. Historians say that Attila took over the old temple in

439 A.D. and used it as a base for his marauding army.

 

The Huns are believed to have first collected and then destroyed a large gathering of Greek legal writs at the site. It is believed that Attila wanted to study the Greek legal system, and had the writs and other documents brought to the temple. Scholars differ on why he had the valuable documents destroyed -- either because he was barely literate and couldn't read them, or because they provided evidence of democratic government that did not square with his own notion of rule by an all-powerful tyrant.

 

When the Greek church took over the site in the 15th Century and the convent was built, church leaders ordered the pagan statue of Eros destroyed, so another ancient Greek treasure was lost. Today, there is only the lone sister, watching over the old Hun base.

 

And that's how it ends: No Huns, no writs, no Eros, and nun left on base.

[Elton]

Grooooaaannn!

 

Nice one, Paul

[Wag]

quote:

---

And that's how it ends: No Huns, no writs, no Eros, and nun left on base.

---

You're going to have to explain that one to me Newt, either I'm thick or something gets lost mid-Atlantic.

 

[ 12. July 2003, 09:39 AM: Message edited by: Wag ]

[Newt]

Wag - I was afraid that one wouldn't work.

 

Baseball related punch line. At the end of an at-bat period for a team when the pitcher was better than the batters, you will often hear a radio or TV announcer say

 

"No hits, no runs, no errors, and no one left on base" as the result of the at-bat.

 

thus the punch line

 

And that's how it ends: No Huns, no writs, no Eros, and nun left on base

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

 

How about

 

A baby rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as if it were one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviours on the part of the rabbit, including a tendency for it to run around like its stepsiblings instead of jumping around.

 

As the rabbit reached puberty, however, it soon faced an identity crisis (don't we all). It went to its stepparents to discuss the problem.

 

It confessed how it felt different from its stepsiblings and was much forlorn.

 

Their response was... "Don't scurry, be hoppy."

 

***************

 

or maybe some short ones

 

- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

 

- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

 

- Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

 

- Acupuncture is a jab well done.

[Paul_D]

Nice ones Newt....

[Wag]

I'm pink therefore I'm spam.

 

Apologies to Descartes.