Mr. President, I'm headed to Mexico

[Newt]

Dear President Bush

 

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following

 

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

 

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

 

Thank you so much for your kind help.

 

Sincerely,

U.S. Taxpayer

[Ken L]

We should have our own version:

 

Dear Tony

 

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to fly off to Afganistan to see the himalayas, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Kharzi, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following

 

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on British culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the Union Jack flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Afghan flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Afghan driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Afghan police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Kharzi to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the Union Jack from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration every Christmas. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

14. If I do happen to loose my rag and go on a mad orgy or rape and murder, please ensure that I am released back into the community after a short sentence with no mention of all that tedious deportation nonsence.

 

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.K. from Afghanistan. I am sure that Pres. Kaharzi won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go into a timeshare agreement with that nice Mr Berlesconi.

 

Thank you so much for your kind help.

 

Sincerely,

U.K. Taxpayer

[Guest Jan V]

I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

 

You mean we didn't really need to pay all that money for our passports? Nice time to find out now...

[Sportsman]

We should have our own version:

 

Dear Tony

 

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to fly off to Afganistan to see the himalayas, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Kharzi, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following

 

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on British culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the Union Jack flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Afghan flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Afghan driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Afghan police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Kharzi to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the Union Jack from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration every Christmas. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

14. If I do happen to loose my rag and go on a mad orgy or rape and murder, please ensure that I am released back into the community after a short sentence with no mention of all that tedious deportation nonsence.

 

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.K. from Afghanistan. I am sure that Pres. Kaharzi won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go into a timeshare agreement with that nice Mr Berlesconi.

 

Thank you so much for your kind help.

 

Sincerely,

U.K. Taxpayer

 

Do we have a problem with illegal immigrants from Afghanistan?

How many Afghani rapists and murderers were amongst those released?

How many schools in the UK teach Afghan culture and history, and how many Afghan speaking teachers are thereteaching it?

Why is this funny?

[Clifftop]

You mean we didn't really need to pay all that money for our passports? Nice time to find out now...

 

 

Jan you should have came to Australia, you would only need a leaky old fishing boat.

[Ken L]

Sportsman. Dare I suggest you spend a little time in a major city, use public transport and attempt to access services within it's inner housing area. Then you might understand where I and many other posters are comming from.

I don't ask you to agree, just understand.

[Clifftop]

Dear President Bush

 

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following

 

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

 

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

 

Thank you so much for your kind help.

 

Sincerely,

U.S. Taxpayer

 

 

And then!!!!

 

 

 

 

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at everything, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a rat.

 

It has no price tag, but is so striking that he decides he must have it.

 

He takes it to the owner and asks, "How much for the bronze rat?"

 

The owner replies, "$12 for the rat and $100 for the story".

 

The tourist gives the man $12 and says, "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

 

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street.

 

This is disconcerting, and he begins walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the MILLIONS, and are

squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

 

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the water as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it and are all drowned.

 

The man walks back to the curio shop.

 

"Ah ha," says the owner, "you have come back for the story?"

 

"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Mexican, a bronze Muslim cleric, a bronze Democrat, & anything French."

[argyll]

Then you might understand where I and many other posters are comming from

 

NEVER 'many' posters, sadly just the same few. Its one of the signs of an uncertain minority, that they try to drag an unidentifiable majority along to bolster their argument.

 

Before I go any further perhaps I should lay down my credentials that seem to be of of importance to you.

 

I live in a major city.. the biggest and most cosmopolitan in europe. I travel on public transport and constantly access public housing services (its part of my business) But for some reason unknown to me I experience very little of the race issues that seem to be a constant part of your life...other than the usual beaurocracy created by local and central government...but then I dont go looking for trouble.

 

With regard to language. My overriding principal is that if you go to a country for a holiday then you should make an attempt to speak at least a few words, your host will always appreciate the effort. If you go to another country to live as a permanent resident then you must learn the language and use it daily. Lets deal with your 'language' issues first on a local scale and then on a global scale.

 

On a local scale if your first language is urdu or spanish or whatever, then most authorities work on the principal that there is a transition period between one language and another that must be dealt with by providing resources that can help translate the technical side of life. Most other nationals speak at least some english but there's a world of difference between asking for 'two beers' and dealing with the plethora of red tape that we ourselves have invented and which merely serves to employ solicitors and civil servants (housing and otherwise). Eventually those that arrive with only a smattering of the language willl learn enough english to survive the daily grind and mostly that happens.

 

What concerns me is the usual blinkered way that you project 'language' as a major issue that somehow the white English race are simply not part of, when in fact its just the opposite. We are the odd one out in europe and perhaps in the world when it comes to having a second language, or in the case of some of our euro partners, a third, fourth or even fifth. We strut around the world expecting all and sundry to understand english..... 'parlez vous anglais' and a hundred different versions are the first and sometimes the only thing the average english traveller ever bothers to learn...and guess what? The answer is very often 'yes a little' Ask the same question in urdu or swahili in Milton Keynes and they'll likely call the police. Travel to france, spain, germany, holland, italy etc and everything of importance is translated into english so that the millions of brits that have taken up residence in those countries can understand. You can hook up your telephone, electricity and gas in english, open a bank account in english, get advice from hundreds of different foreign government offices in english. There are Ex pat clubs all over europe where brits congregate several times a week to speak only english. You can hear them in the supermarket in Limoges whining about not being able to find Heinz baked beans. I met people that had lived in Brittany for a year and still drove a right hand drive car because 'I couldnt get on with a left hand drive' Some brits take the trouble to properly learn the language of the country that they happen to live in...far too many don't.

 

In short we are the worlds worse. we are mollycoddled abroad and worse still...we expect it. We of all races are the last that have a right to criticise the level of english amongst immigrants..unless of course we have a much darker reason for doing so.

 

I won't even bother with your proposals to commit murder, rape and mayhem in Afghanistan..too stupid for words. But it does give a certain insight into what goes on in your head.

 

Clifftop, an old joke badly reworked. Some of the bunch that I hung around with in the sixties and seventies in West London would probably have wanted an aussie bronze rat too. The australians we all met spent their whole time huddled together (for warmth?) in Earls Court complaining about everything and dreaming of Four X and vegemite. How they managed to describe poms as 'whinging' with a straight face, is beyond me. They'd stand against the wall at parties telling us how much booze they could hold, but were strangely the first to slide backwards down the wall. You'll never made good travellers as long as you have holes in your collective rear ends. Your immigration policy is admirable, got no complaints with that, but you all constantly forget that you all got to Oz on the back of convict relations and fifties immigrants who paid ten pounds assisted fare and arrived without the price of a drink in their pockets. Woe betide anyone else that tries to do that. We'll leave your treatment of the aboriginal race out of the argument..it would take too long. Half of my family are in Perth, Adelaide and Whyalla and as first and even second generation families they have in the past been made to feel like outsiders.

 

Just to head some of you off at the pass. Doubtless a few of you will have little anecdotes about this queue jumping paki, or the woman up the road that's been here for forty years and still doesn't speak english. Bad news.....its happening all over the world and some of the worst transgressors are english. The french have just opened an english tax office in the Dordogne to deal with the large number of social security fraud cases, 60% of which were perpetrated by white english residents.

Edited April 29, 2006 by argyll

[Huge_Vitae]

I thought it was meant as a joke............

 

Oh well.......... Thanks Newt, Thanks Ken and Thanks Clifftop.

 

Alternate part II

 

Why don't the Mexican's do well in the Olympic Games?

 

Because all of them that could run fast, swim fast and jump high got into America already

[Clifftop]

Then you might understand where I and many other posters are comming from

 

NEVER 'many' posters, sadly just the same few. Its one of the signs of an uncertain minority, that they try to drag an unidentifiable majority along to bolster their argument.

 

Before I go any further perhaps I should lay down my credentials that seem to be of of importance to you.

 

I live in a major city.. the biggest and most cosmopolitan in europe. I travel on public transport and constantly access public housing services (its part of my business) But for some reason unknown to me I experience very little of the race issues that seem to be a constant part of your life...other than the usual beaurocracy created by local and central government...but then I dont go looking for trouble.

 

With regard to language. My overriding principal is that if you go to a country for a holiday then you should make an attempt to speak at least a few words, your host will always appreciate the effort. If you go to another country to live as a permanent resident then you must learn the language and use it daily. Lets deal with your 'language' issues first on a local scale and then on a global scale.

 

On a local scale if your first language is urdu or spanish or whatever, then most authorities work on the principal that there is a transition period between one language and another that must be dealt with by providing resources that can help translate the technical side of life. Most other nationals speak at least some english but there's a world of difference between asking for 'two beers' and dealing with the plethora of red tape that we ourselves have invented and which merely serves to employ solicitors and civil servants (housing and otherwise). Eventually those that arrive with only a smattering of the language willl learn enough english to survive the daily grind and mostly that happens.

 

What concerns me is the usual blinkered way that you project 'language' as a major issue that somehow the white English race are simply not part of, when in fact its just the opposite. We are the odd one out in europe and perhaps in the world when it comes to having a second language, or in the case of some of our euro partners, a third, fourth or even fifth. We strut around the world expecting all and sundry to understand english..... 'parlez vous anglais' and a hundred different versions are the first and sometimes the only thing the average english traveller ever bothers to learn...and guess what? The answer is very often 'yes a little' Ask the same question in urdu or swahili in Milton Keynes and they'll likely call the police. Travel to france, spain, germany, holland, italy etc and everything of importance is translated into english so that the millions of brits that have taken up residence in those countries can understand. You can hook up your telephone, electricity and gas in english, open a bank account in english, get advice from hundreds of different foreign government offices in english. There are Ex pat clubs all over europe where brits congregate several times a week to speak only english. You can hear them in the supermarket in Limoges whining about not being able to find Heinz baked beans. I met people that had lived in Brittany for a year and still drove a right hand drive car because 'I couldnt get on with a left hand drive' Some brits take the trouble to properly learn the language of the country that they happen to live in...far too many don't.

 

In short we are the worlds worse. we are mollycoddled abroad and worse still...we expect it. We of all races are the last that have a right to criticise the level of english amongst immigrants..unless of course we have a much darker reason for doing so.

 

I won't even bother with your proposals to commit murder, rape and mayhem in Afghanistan..too stupid for words. But it does give a certain insight into what goes on in your head.

 

Clifftop, an old joke badly reworked. Some of the bunch that I hung around with in the sixties and seventies in West London would probably have wanted an aussie bronze rat too. The australians we all met spent their whole time huddled together (for warmth?) in Earls Court complaining about everything and dreaming of Four X and vegemite. How they managed to describe poms as 'whinging' with a straight face, is beyond me. They'd stand against the wall at parties telling us how much booze they could hold, but were strangely the first to slide backwards down the wall. You'll never made good travellers as long as you have holes in your collective rear ends. Your immigration policy is admirable, got no complaints with that, but you all constantly forget that you all got to Oz on the back of convict relations and fifties immigrants who paid ten pounds assisted fare and arrived without the price of a drink in their pockets. Woe betide anyone else that tries to do that. We'll leave your treatment of the aboriginal race out of the argument..it would take too long. Half of my family are in Perth, Adelaide and Whyalla and as first and even second generation families they have in the past been made to feel like outsiders.

 

Just to head some of you off at the pass. Doubtless a few of you will have little anecdotes about this queue jumping paki, or the woman up the road that's been here for forty years and still doesn't speak english. Bad news.....its happening all over the world and some of the worst transgressors are english. The french have just opened an english tax office in the Dordogne to deal with the large number of social security fraud cases, 60% of which were perpetrated by white english residents.

 

 

come on now argyll you now it was a joke, i mean i could have made a joke about the Irish but i didnt.