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Pregnancy & Baby facts


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The Baby Quiz

 

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

 

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

 

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?

A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

 

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

 

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?

A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

 

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

 

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?

A: Whatever she says divided by two.

 

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

 

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

 

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?

A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

 

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

 

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

 

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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:D:D:D

Tony

Tony

 

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

 

 

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Very factual mate

 

 

Fishing digs on the Mull of Galloway - recommend

HERE

 

babyforavatar.jpg

 

Me when I had hair

 

 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy

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Just sent this thread to my boss....

His wife is expecting their second child and is a week overdue. Some kind soul (not me I hasten to assure you) has been leaving messages on his desk telling him to call his wife urgently.

 

Why he'd do that when her name is Carmel, beats me.

 

I work with some people with a strange sense of humour.

This is a signature, there are many signatures like it but this one is mine

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