Beware of the bull

[Newt]

Very most excellent Terry. Thank you.

[RUDD]

BEWARE OF THE BULL

 

and there was me thinking AN had been taken over by one of the angling weeklies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chevin]

Good one Terry and congratulations on the book! I can't wait to see my copy! Thank you!

[Vagabond]

Good story WB. Having met(head on)Chevin's Penfold, I can appreciate it the more. Never a dull moment with Penfold around

 

Chevin's story about his windscreen wipers is pretty good too - How about it me old Chavender?

[Andrew Boyd]

Book, let me know when published etc ( pm me )and I'll have one, no I don't expect gratis.

[Gazza_Wakey]

Brilliant story had me in stitches

[chevin]

Vagabond:

Good story WB.  Having met(head on)Chevin's Penfold, I can appreciate it the more. Never a dull moment with Penfold around      

 

Chevin's story about his windscreen wipers is pretty good too - How about it me old Chavender?

Well, Like Terry's it is a bit long, but here it is. Two incidents in a couple of days here!

 

 

*I had to take Penfold to the vet today, and for most part, he was very well behaved. He let me pick him up and put him on the examination table with out any fuss, and he let Vanessa, (the vet) examine his paws without the histrionics one comes to expect from bull terriers. While she was looking at his paws, we heard a, "Yip yipping" from a small dog in the waiting room, and I saw Penfold prick up his ears, but as he never did anything else I stupidly thought that he might be maturing a little and that he was going to ignore whatever it was. However, I suggested to Vanessa that she took my money and went out to the waiting room, got my change, the receipt and medicine so that when I went out, I could go straight through the waiting room and out into the street. She thought that was a good idea, and while she was doing that, I got Penfold off the examination table and he stood quietly beside me while I waited for his medicine etc. Once she had given me those, Vanessa opened the door into the hallway which leads into the waiting room and THAT is just what Penfold had been waiting for! The instant the door was unlatched he was through it at a rate of knots, the door crashed back against the wall sounding as though a bomb had exploded, I was almost surprised to see that Vanessa's hand was not hanging from the handle, but I didn't have time to ponder on that because Penfold had run out of slack in the lead and I was following him at speed, quite certain that my right shoulder had already been dislocated. As the surgery and waiting room are tiled - for obvious reasons - the grip Penfold was getting wasn't the best and so all of his legs were skidding around as if he was in dire danger of drowning and was trying to do a canine version of the Australian crawl. On top of that his mouth was open in that big silly grin so that his magnificent set of teeth was clearly visible. Now even though Vanessa and I had some idea of what was going on, we were still pretty surprised by all of this, so just imagine the thoughts of the people in the waiting room. They had no idea of who or what was in the surgery, the first they knew of any of it was when the door crashed back against the wall, (I think that was the reason for the little brown lumps on the floor rather than any incontinence on their dogs' part), and then they saw Penfold who at that time probably didn't look like the friendly puppy he is. They would have seen legs thrashing the air and the tiles, and they would have heard his claws scratching as they slipped on the tiles. (If his claws had been steel, there would have been sparks). They would have seen me - a fairly solid guy - being dragged along as if I wasn't there, and they would have seen Penfold's teeth. I saw the look of abject terror on their faces as they scooped up their Pekes and Silkies, clutched them to their chests and prepared to die with them. I managed to gather my wits together to tell Penfold to stop and he turned his head suddenly and cracked my shin with it, which, being as I was only wearing shorts meant that the sensitive bone of my shin came into direct contact with the solid insensitive bone of his head. That is an agonising experience as you will no doubt imagine! However, I am not a bull terrier owner for nothing, I kept telling him to stop and while doing so, I noticed the look of terror on the faces of the spectators change to one of astonishment as I hopped sideways on one foot still shouting at him until we got to the exit. I managed to get the door open and then, realising that we were going to get into the car again, Penfold, not wanting me to change my mind, accelerated and made sure that we got there in double quick time. I would think that there is major damage to the surgery door and there may be a fee charged for cleaning up the mess the other dogs made. I guess the bill will probably be in the post tomorrow. However, I think that I might 'phone them and tell them that the only way I will pay that bill is by going in there and taking Penfold with me when I do so. *

 

 

*Why is it, that while not always instigating disasters, bull terriers always seem to be in place to compound them? Today, because I was going to be at home for a while, I decided to pump down the pond a bit and put in some fresh water. Sadly, I forgot to set the timer and as I was driving away, I suddenly remembered what I had done. I rushed back home and sure enough all of the fish were on their sides in a couple of inches of water. I switched off the pump, switched on the bore pump and started filling the pond up again, forgetting that Penfold was in the other part of the garden and that he loves to destroy sprinklers that are spraying. I heard him barking, realised what I had done and rushed to the gate. Sure enough every pop up sprinkler was just gushing water - he had bitten the tops off all of them. Obviously I couldn't leave him in the garden because I had to leave the pump running, and I had to go to the bank and then let Valerie get away from the kiosk so that she could get home for a shower being as she was going out this evening. So I dried him off and chucked him into the car, and rushed off to the bank. Just as I slammed the car door in the bank car park, I realised that I had left the key in the ignition, thankfully, I had left the window slightly open, so I thought that one of the girls in the bank might be able to get their arm through the gap to get the key. Sadly, although they had much thinner arms than me, none of them could. They gave me a coat hanger, but I couldn't get the key out of the ignition because I had stalled the engine and so the ignition was still switched on, nor could I unlock the door with it. The manager then came out and tried to help, and by this time, Penfold was becoming a little excited with all of the action going on around him so he got onto the driver's seat and stood up, resting his front paws on the centre of the steering wheel, which, of course, blows the horn. The noise of the horn excited him even more, and he was jumping around so much, he switched on the wipers! Now they really caught his attention and so he started barking at them. It was bedlam - it really was, There we were, me and the bank manager with a bent coat hanger trying to break into a car, the horn of which was blaring, the wipers were going at top speed and a bull terrier was in a frenzy trying to protect it as far as any passers by were concerned! (Shows the value of a simple alarm doesn't it?) We just had to ignore it all and after what seemed an age, the bank manager went back into the bank and brought out a plastic 12" rule. With the aid of that I was able to unlock the driver's door and regain access! I got back to the kiosk and rather leave him in the car, I took Penfold with me. I was somewhat mollified to have everyone we met make a fuss of him and say what a lovely dog he is etc etc! Little do they know!!!! *

[Wordbender]

Excellent stuff, Ian!

 

I think we must have been gits in a former life and our dogs are God's way of punishing us. Or perhaps it's the 'dogs reflecting their owners' deal, eh?

[Vagabond]

Yes mate, excellent stuff.

 

Reminds me of another Penfold/windscreen wiper incident.

 

Now readers have a pen-picture of Penfold, it can be kept brief - as recounted by Chevin

 

"...trip up to Exmouth.......we ran into a short rainstorm.......I switched on the windscreen wipers. Penfold promptly came over the top from the rear seat in an attempt to kill them"

 

BTW Wordbender. The name Morris.

Is that inspired by the Bull-nosed Morris car ?

 

[ 06. March 2005, 08:34 AM: Message edited by: Vagabond ]

[chevin]

Wordbender:

Excellent stuff, Ian!

 

I think we must have been gits in a former life and our dogs are God's way of punishing us. Or perhaps it's the 'dogs reflecting their owners' deal, eh?    

Buggered if I know mate - it has me beat. I know people have said to me about how Penfold, (and Sullivan before him)gazes at me with adoration. I don't disillusion them but I know that when he has THAT look on his face and in his eyes, he is trying to work out a stunt that will cause me maximum embarrassment at that particular time!