HAVE A LAUGH

[poledark]

:)

 

Den

[Slack lines]

One for Jan & Newt.....

 

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

 

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

 

 

About 90 students raise their hands.

 

"Well, that's a good start.Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

 

About 40 students raise their hands.

 

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

 

About 15 students raise their hand.

 

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

 

Three students raise their hands.

 

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

 

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

 

The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

 

 

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

 

Bubba replied, "Shiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said "Goats."

[Guest Jan V]

"We're about 50% there on housebreaking. He meets the Vet tomorrow. "Is that the dog ... or Newt ?

There days I wonder, Mr. W. The dog does listen more attentively and fetches lots better than Newt.

One for Jan & Newt.....A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural.To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"About 90 students raise their hands."Well, that's a good start.Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"About 40 students raise their hands."That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"About 15 students raise their hand."Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"Three students raise their hands."That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"Bubba replied, "Shiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said "Goats."

nice one, Ian.

[Guest Jan V]

[barry luxton]

Silent treatment.

 

A man and wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly he realised that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5.30am to catch a business flight.

 

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (lose) he wrote on a piece of paper, 'please wake me at 5.30 am'. He left it in a place were he knew she would find it.

 

The next morning the man woke up, to his horrer found it was 9am and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife had not wakend him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It's 5.30 am, wake up.'

 

It goes to show that men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

 

Wife v Husband

 

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

 

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcasticlly 'relatives of yours',

 

'Yep' the wife replied, 'inlaws'.

Edited February 6, 2008 by barry luxton

[Guest Jan V]

good ones, Larry. With Newt being from Arkansas, some of those critters might actually be in-laws to me

[Bobj]

An old photo of me and my baby sitter....

[Bobj]

An old photo of me and my baby sitter....

[Clifftop]

In your dreams mate.

[Guest Jan V]

A new supermarket opened near my house.

 

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it

goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

 

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the

scent of fresh mown hay.

 

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with

onions.

 

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air

is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying

 

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread &

cookies.

 

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sven and Olaf worked together in a Minnesota

factory....and both were laid off. So...dey went

to the Unemployment Office together.

 

Asked his occupation, Olaf said, 'Panty stitcher.

I sew da elastic onto da ladies cotton panties.'

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it

classified as unskilled ! labor, she gave Olaf $300

a week in unemployment compensation.

 

Sven, when asked his occupation replied,

'Diesel fitter.' The clerk looked up diesel fitter...and it was

classified as a skilled job. So, the clerk gave

Sven $600 a week in unemployment

compensation.

 

When Olaf found this out, he was furious ! He

stormed back into the office to find out why

his friend and co-worker was collecting double

his benefits. The clerk explained, 'Panty stitchers are

unskilled labor and diesel fitters are skilled

laor.'

 

'Vat skill?' yelled Olaf. 'I sew da elastic on da

panties. Olaf puts dem over his head and says,

'Yah ------------- DIESEL FITTER.'

Edited February 8, 2008 by Jan V