HAVE A LAUGH

[kleinboet]

Here's a conundrum for you : You are a mother at home making tea. Suddenly your 9 year old son, who was playing at a friends, comes running in shouting "Mommy, Mommy - I sat on a drawing pin - PLEASE kiss it better!!

 

What would YOU do?

Edited February 26, 2008 by kleinboet

[Bobj]

A japanese sign.......Fishing in a dunny???

[barry luxton]

Yes, i agree with that. It would be a bit harsh if you wasn't allowed to go fishing in a dunny for example, if you lost your keys down one, you would be right in the poo then, you would have to use your hands.

 

Mind you refering to the items you can't do, there ain't a lot you can. No standing 'pees', no sickies, it also looks like no dogging or squatting.

Edited February 26, 2008 by barry luxton

[John S]

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa. When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grandpa's room.

 

"Grandpa, Grandpa," he says excitedly, "as soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog! Please, please, make a noise like a frog!!"

 

"What?" said his grandpa.

 

"Grandpa! PLEASE! Just make a noise like a frog. Grandma said that as soon as you croak, she's going to take me to Disneyland"

[Bobj]

:bigemo_harabe_net-163:

[Bobj]

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Nancy.

 

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

 

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

 

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

 

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Nancy staring at him from across the room.

 

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

 

Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

 

'Well,' Nancy said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

[poledark]

Smashing :)

 

Den

[John S]

A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks."

 

A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks."

 

A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks."

 

The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, put her in the White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work in one week!

 

[Bobj]

Notes from a primary school teacher....

 

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.

 

And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

 

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

 

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."

 

"First, mum and dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then dad put a seed in my mum's stomach, and Luke grew in there.

 

He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

 

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.

 

The kids are watching her in amazement.

 

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mum starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

 

"My dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the pizza man. They got my mum to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

 

"And then, pop! My mum had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!

 

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from mum's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."

 

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.

[Clifftop]