Got Any Good Jokes????

[me]

a blonde and a brunnette walking up a mountain. The brunette says "wow you get a good view from up here. Look at that rainforest there"

The blonde say " I cant see it there's to many trees in the way."

[SharSam]

SharSam:

 

 

 http://www.go-fishing.org/upload/files/ZooBloke.doc   so can't be seen as a picture.  But I like the joke.  - Newt

Couldn't possibly put it up here for me somehow could you please Newt?? I'm just as awful at computers as I am at jokes!!

[SharSam]

Oh, you just have to click the link-DOH!!

[SharSam]

[rabster]

 

I'm knicking that one to use elsewhere

[severus]

Q: Why is the new Italian Navy building ships with glass bottoms?

 

A: So they can see the old Italian Navy.

---------------------------------------------

Q: How do the French hold their liquor?

 

A: By the ears.

 

These are old. Sorry if you've heard them already.

[MickJ]

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.

One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

 

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

 

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."

 

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

 

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."

 

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

 

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

 

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

 

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

[little onions]

A young man in a swimming pool climbs up to the very highest diving board, walks long to the end and with very little preparation performs the most amazing dive, 2 triple somersaults, 3 twists, a perfect tuck and flips into the water making the tiniest splash. He swims to the steps, leaves the pool sits on he bench beside the pool and towels himself dry. He notices an attrative young woman entering the water. She is an amazing swimmer and completes 25 lengths of the pool in 2 minutes flat.

She then leaves the pool and sits beside the young man. After a minute or two she turns to him and says,

"Wow! That dive you did was incredible, do you dive for your country or the Olympic team?"

The young man admits that he has indeed won gold medals for his diving and then returns the compliment...

"You are a fantastic swimmer," he says, "I have never seen anyone swim that fast, do you swim for a team?"

"No", she says, "I used to be a prostitute in Venice."

[Cartman]

How come you can sue McDonalds if you get fat or

Lambert & Butler if you develop cancer,Yet you

can't touch Budweiser for all the ugly women you

have slept with?

[Cartman]

Why do men fart more often than women?

 

 

Cos women can't keep their mouths shut long

enough to build up the required pressure.