Apache

Luvley fish there Julian. Brilliant mate.

WMP 10 is now out for Windows XP by the way. It can be downloaded using the link below: http://www.microsoft.com/windows/windowsme...t.aspx#download

Nice one monkeyboy.

Welcome to AnglersNet.

LMAO! And some more: It's good to know that some pilots have a sense of humour. Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally don't hear. The following are actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world: While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 767. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGW was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?" A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport." La Guardia Airport in New York, late on a Friday afternoon, many flights delayed and awaiting clearance to take-off: Unknown aircraft: "I'm ****ing bored!" Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was ****ing bored, not ****ing stupid!" Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and have already notified our caterers!" The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206": Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but it was dark and I didn't stop." O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, One o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight." A PanAm 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

I would be in hospital having my hands stitched back together if that was my cat! LAMO! Nice one though.

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

Nice one mate. Just the thing I need to laugh at after an exam!

The club which owns a stretch of the river behind my house has madea £5 visitors fee, but if I want to take a guest to the carp lake I can for free and I do, to try and get more people my age and younger interested.

Brilliant mate.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. I love that one. Only a lawyer.

very very true indeed.

bodyguard

armour

The police have to proove intent, IE that he intended to kill someone when he heaved the rock. And obviously they couldn't.

If I see a mink either at the ponds in my garden, which I do, or at the carp lake, then I reach for a rifle, and if it hangs around long enough for me to take a shot at it, it is dead.

scales

detective

If as you say, there is a law against stocking signal crayfish in any water in England then that woudl include garden ponds in my opinion

skiff

ET

samaritans

therapy

Jeepster, I had exactly the same problems as you. And I found a way to get rid of Matt saying that.

marlboro