The ultimate thread hijack!

[Vagabond]

Well found, Toerag - Hilarious stuff.

 

Liked the dry "Is this negative equinny?"

[Zigs]

nice one toerag & leon

[Ken L]

I read the firsat couple of pages of the tread that Toerag linked to before going to work on Wednesday. I'd only logged on to see if I had e-mail from a mate in Aus but ended up in tears of laughter before getting out of the house.

A top post.

[chesters1]

couldnt the hunting horse get a ww2 folding machette ,their shorter than standard ones because the users were dropped from an airplane into battle.

whilst i'm sure that hunting horses dont drop into action (although i have seen hunting?? horses and mice beating cows strung under helicopters ,oh and polar bears also)the advantage of a shorter machette in under stairs mice hunting deployment could be of advantage not having room for the hunting horses to use shotguns could be to their advantage ,remember that animal hunting/stairs fiasco that resulted in mr martin being sent to the nick for accidentally shooting animals in the back (although in the dark how would he have known) we dont want hunting horses hampered by low light conditions commiting a crime ,maybe in retrospect mice stamping cows could be used in their place although easily killing understairs lurking vermin it may not be an advantage in flats as the neighbours may complain of the moo's of victory and the stoccato beating of feet echoing around their pad annoying when trying to coax the local bike out of her caks.

i suggest in hindsight a set of soft felt shoes being made for the cows ,the soft touch thus made would stun the mice long enough for the cows to toss the unsuspecting vermin into the hall to be dispached by the machette (long or short ,or maybe one of those curved ones although harder to wield against much more than grass) hunting horses cleverly secreted in the hall just outside (but not to close ,maybe behind a curtain or hanging coat) who will finish the job to alls satisfaction.

its ludicrous suggesting in the place of large animals (horses or cows and in cold climes polar bears) such naturally occuring mice eaters such as badgers or weasel/stoats are used, being wild how would one get tham back out of the dark furthest reaches of understair cupboards ,trying to coax them out with succulent morsels such as marmite and cheese sandwiches is doomed to failure as is diet coke etc ,a swift bite will be all the small critter user will be rewarded with and will retire to his room sobbing knowing his small problem with mice is replaced by an even bigger one ,worst of all bill oddie could appear at anytime beardly hiding in the space behind the hoover mumbling to a camera man hidden in the box where those old newspapers lie ,so get a life get a horse :mad: theres one available here (not for people wishing death or wheelchairs)

http://bbs.scoobynet.co.uk/showthread.php?t=97702

[Rockling]

I am really glad that someone else has finally drawn attention to the problem of hunting horses and stomping cows - albeit in a whimsical way - I really thought I was alone in seeing these things about the place. A word of warning, don't let them over the threshold of your home, you will never get them out - the same warning applies to Bill Oddies.

[chesters1]

horses and cows are easy to get rid of

horses: just stand outside your garden and talk very quietly to your friend with your hand in front of your mouth ,horsey being inquisitive will leave his hiding place in your hall and come over to see what your talking about

cows: they are even easier just light a barbie in your garden and look around whilst noisily rubbing two large knives together ,even in the dark recesses of your understairs cupboard cows will associate the smell of barbicue with beef burgers and scarper as quickly as their soft soled shoes will allow ,failing that and a cow with no scense of smell the sound of the knives will stimulate latent escape routines learn over the generations from biblical times and they will hot foot it out of your house thinking a bearded chap witha black hat and ringlets is on their trail with kosher food on his mind.

oddies on the other hand need a different approach ,gently move the hoover whilst making small discrete baby bird noises out of the side of your mouth ,the oddie will dutifully follow peering through binoculars with one hand whilst holding a pen and twitcher book in the other ,once out of the house club him to the ground with the barbie and throttle him dont worry about the cameraman he will follow the oddie filming as he goes satisfied in the fact that his footage will be on the 10 oclock news with several sections of the film used in david attenborough wild life programs for the next 30 years

 

[ 29. January 2005, 11:26 PM: Message edited by: chesters1 ]

[*Ant*]

Classic chesters