Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

[Newt]

Note - I'm not sure if this is real or not but it is good so I'm posting it. I think it's been around a while.

 

On her radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox

Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and

cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

 

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a U.S.

man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

**********************************************

 

Dear Dr. Laura:

 

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have

learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as

many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle,

for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to

be an abomination ... End of debate.

 

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of

God's Laws and how to follow them.

 

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,

provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that

this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I

own Canadians?

 

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus

21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

 

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her

period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I

tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

 

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a

pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They

claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

 

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2

clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him

myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

 

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an

abomination, Levi. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I

don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

 

7. Levi. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a

defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my

vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

 

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around

their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Levi. 19:27. How

should they die?

 

9. I know from Levi. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me

unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

 

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different

crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two

different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).

 

He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we

go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?

Lev.24:10-16.

 

Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do

with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Levi. 20:14)

 

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable

expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

 

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 

Your adoring fan,

.................... (name removed since I'm not sure it's a real letter)

University of Virginia

 

PS It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian

[Emma two]

I have print outs of that as part of a pack I offer to christians who come knocking at the door hawking 'christ'. I also used it as part of a handout when I worked raising LGBT awareness.

Edited August 3, 2012 by Emma two

[Sportsman]

Sums up the whole nonsense for me

[captain cojones]

Excellent Newt.. :lol:

[Ken L]

Not just Jews........

King James Bible Matthew 5:18.

For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

[Newt]

I've always wondered what jots & tittles were.

[Ken L]

I've always wondered what jots & tittles were.

 

There are alternative translations:

Matthew 5:18

New International Version (NIV)

 

For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.

 

 

I always wondered who Round John Virgin was.......

 

I have the same problem with good king Wenseslass.....

[Zigs]

Love it Newt

[Emma two]

Love it Newt

 

 

Print it out and keep it smewhere handy for when the bible bashers come a' knockin' at the door. Ask them if the bible should be followed and believed, and then hit them with some of the above!

[Andrew]

Nice one Newt..

 

 

Does anyone have beliefs in anything at all.?