HAVE A LAUGH

[Zigs]

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says,

 

"Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."

 

Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says,

 

"Better think it over ............. women like that are hard to find."

 

TOO RIGHT ME OLD BEAUTY

[Sportsman]

My girlfriend is convincd she is being stalked!

 

well

she's not actually my girlfriend yet

[Newt]

Hillbilly Mirror

 

After living in the remote wilderness of West Virginia all his life, an old

hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he

picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he

remarked at the image staring back at him,

 

"How about that! Here's a picture of my Daddy."

 

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his Daddy, but on the way

home he remembered his wife didn't like his Father, so he hung it in the

barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and

look at it.

 

His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.

 

One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.

 

As she looked into the glass, she fumed:

 

"So that's the ugly bitch he's been running around with."

[Newt]

A Cow’s Tail

 

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

 

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to YOU?"

 

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

 

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's ass.

 

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife,

"Hey, this looks like yours!'"

 

"I don't remember much after that"

[greg long]

A Cow’s Tail

 

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

 

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to YOU?"

 

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

 

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's ass.

 

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife,

"Hey, this looks like yours!'"

 

"I don't remember much after that"

 

What's good for getting tea out of a keyboard?

[Clifftop]

A woman was sitting on the verandah with her husband and he said, "I love you!"

 

She asked "Is that you or the beer talking?"

 

He replied "It's me............. talking to the beer."

[Sportsman]

I went for a walk down the garden to visit my wife's grave.

 

She thinks I'm digging a fish pond

[Newt]

Olaf Swensen, out in his pasture in northern Wisconsin, takes a kick from a cow...right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

 

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He says, 'How bad is it, Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek, and my fiance, Lena, is still a virgin.

 

The doctor tells him, 'Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and to keep it straight. It should be okay next week but leave it in there as long as you can.'

 

He takes four tongue depressors and forms a neat little four-sided splint and tapes it all together.

 

Olaf mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Duluth, Minnesota.

 

That night in Motel 6, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She says, 'Olaf, you're da first vun! No vun has ever seen deez.'

 

Olaf immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis, Lena...still in da crate!'

[Alan Stubbs]

Olaf Swensen, out in his pasture in northern Wisconsin, takes a kick from a cow...right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

 

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He says, 'How bad is it, Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek, and my fiance, Lena, is still a virgin.

 

The doctor tells him, 'Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and to keep it straight. It should be okay next week but leave it in there as long as you can.'

 

He takes four tongue depressors and forms a neat little four-sided splint and tapes it all together.

 

Olaf mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Duluth, Minnesota.

 

That night in Motel 6, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She says, 'Olaf, you're da first vun! No vun has ever seen deez.'

 

Olaf immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis, Lena...still in da crate!'

 

 

Quality!

[greg long]

GOLF

 

PANTIES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The

 

Norskie's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a

gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of

 

underwear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Good

 

God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole

 

demanded.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well,

 

you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford

 

any.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Norkski

 

immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's

 

a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next,

 

the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also

 

blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Blessed

 

Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She

 

replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Patrick

 

reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go

 

and buy yourself some underwear!'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lastly,

 

the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to

 

reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Sweet

 

mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer

 

drawers?'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She

 

too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd

 

any.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The

 

Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency,

 

here's a comb.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tidy yerself up a bit.