HAVE A LAUGH

[Guest Jan V]

And very clever, too.

[Bobj]

Paddy went up to the pay clerk and asked for a pay rise as his job as a Knicker-Stitcher was quite complicated. The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him 80 dollars a week.

 

 

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel Fitter."

 

 

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160 dollars a week.

 

 

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

 

 

The clerk explained, "Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour."

 

 

"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head

and says: "Yep, diesel fitter."

[corydoras]

This is not a joke, I swear on my children's lives that this is true.

 

I was doing some work for the Radiocommunications Agency (now part of OFCOM) at Baldock Radio Station. One of the jobs I had to do was to transfer all the records from an old Accident Records and Health and Safety Database into a new system. After the data had been copied over I was giving the new system a bit of a sanity check, running some test reports etc. when I spied this entry in the H&S Log. 'Caught Mr. XXX twiddling with the big knob that he claims is giving him RSI' Priceless.

[Bobj]

This is not a joke, I swear on my children's lives that this is true.

 

I was doing some work for the Radiocommunications Agency (now part of OFCOM) at Baldock Radio Station. One of the jobs I had to do was to transfer all the records from an old Accident Records and Health and Safety Database into a new system. After the data had been copied over I was giving the new system a bit of a sanity check, running some test reports etc. when I spied this entry in the H&S Log. 'Caught Mr. XXX twiddling with the big knob that he claims is giving him RSI' Priceless.

 

:clap2:

[corydoras]

BRS is quite an interesting place Bob, I am sure you would love to have a nosey around. The two big satellite dishes are used by the plumbers to monitor Mr Murdoch's satellites.

Baldock.kmz

[Mister Toad]

A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike

English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

 

"House" is feminine - "la maison."

"Pencil" is masculine - "le crayon."

 

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

 

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups

male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether

"computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked

to give four reasons for their recommendation.

 

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the

feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is

incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible

later review; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half

your salary on accessories for it.

 

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine

("le computer") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE

the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a

little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

 

The women won.

 

 

Ah ha. I just found an (incomplete) list of other things that Jan's joke reminded me of

 

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

 

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

 

TIRE: Tire are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

 

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go

anywhere, you have to light a fire under their arce

 

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

 

WEB PAGES:

Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

 

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

 

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

 

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

[corydoras]

"House" is feminine - "la maison."

I hate to be pedantic Jan, (well at least in a jokey type thread ), but House is masculine, 'le maison'. Computers are indeed masculine, le ordinatuer. Edited July 30, 2007 by corydoras

[Guest Jan V]

I hate to be pedantic Jan, (well at least in a jokey type thread ), but House is masculine, 'le maison'. Computers are indeed masculine, le ordinatuer.

thanks for that, cory. the only french i know is sold by mcdonalds (french fries )

[Bobj]

BRS is quite an interesting place Bob, I am sure you would love to have a nosey around. The two big satellite dishes are used by the plumbers to monitor Mr Murdoch's satellites.

Baldock.kmz

Excellent, mate. When I pulled it up on Google Earth it reminded me of that terrific programme about the Time Team and, dare I say...Baldrick, we have been getting recently. And, as it is on tonight, I have set the DVD thingo to save it, as I will be outside watching the stars.

[corydoras]

Excellent, mate. When I pulled it up on Google Earth it reminded me of that terrific programme about the Time Team and, dare I say...Baldrick, we have been getting recently. And, as it is on tonight, I have set the DVD thingo to save it, as I will be outside watching the stars.

Baldrick would be right at home in deepest darkest Baldock.