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A man walked into the ladies department of Myers and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

 

"What type of bra?" asked the salesgirl.

 

"Type?" inquires the man. "There's more than one type?"

 

"Look around," said the salesgirl, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."

 

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

 

The salesgirl replied: "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

 

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

 

The salesgirl responded, "It is all really quite simple...

 

The Catholic type supports the masses.

 

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen.

 

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright.

 

The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.


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Cheers, Bobj.

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Cheers, Bobj.

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These are things lawyers and witnesses actually said in court, word for word, taken down

and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm

while these exchanges were actually taking place.

__________________________________

 

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

__________________________________

 

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 15

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

______________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________

 

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?

_____________________________________

 

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

_____________________________________

 

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

______________________________________

 

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________

 

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he

doesn't know about it until the next morning?

A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________________________________

 

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

_____________________________________

 

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

______________________________________

 

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

______________________________________

 

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None

Q: Were there any girls?

______________________________________

 

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

_____________________________________

 

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

______________________________________

 

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

 

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

______________________________________

 

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

______________________________________

 

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

_____________________________________

 

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

______________________________________

 

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


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Cheers, Bobj.

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Australian joke......well some of us understand it.......I think ;)

 

 

Two aboriginals were driving their old Ford Falcon in the outback one day, when off in the distance they saw a police booze bus.

 

One of them thinks "this is great" and heads straight for it. As they pulled up, the driver winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"

 

The copper looks at him and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this tube for me."

The driver got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."

 

The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample.

 

"Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin' that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Haemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that," said the driver.

 

By now the copper is getting fairly irate and finally demands a urine sample for testing. The driver looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either." The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!!"

 

"Bloody oath mate." says the driver, "It's from the government. Says that you whites can ' t take the **** out of us blackfellas no more.


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Cheers, Bobj.

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Australian joke......well some of us understand it.......I think ;)

Two aboriginals were driving their old Ford Falcon in the outback one day, when off in the distance they saw a police booze bus.

 

One of them thinks "this is great" and heads straight for it. As they pulled up, the driver winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"

 

The copper looks at him and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this tube for me."

The driver got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."

 

The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample.

 

"Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin' that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Haemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that," said the driver.

 

By now the copper is getting fairly irate and finally demands a urine sample for testing. The driver looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either." The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!!"

 

"Bloody oath mate." says the driver, "It's from the government. Says that you whites can ' t take the **** out of us blackfellas no more.

 

What a cracking joke! :lol:


Growing old is inevitable but growing up is optional

 

http://www.bass-online.co.uk/

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In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

 

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

 

Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

 

Thought for the day: there is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


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Cheers, Bobj.

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A man enters a confessional in Ireland and says to the Priest, "Father,

 

It has been one month since my last confession. I've had s*x with Fannie Green every week for the last month."

 

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys."

 

Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had s*x

 

with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."

 

This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?"

 

"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.

Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Marys'."

 

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church.

 

All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar.

 

Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

 

The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.

 

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?"

 

The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

Edited by Bobj

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Cheers, Bobj.

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This is a riot!!

An Englishman is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

 

Frenchman: "You English folk eat the whole bread??"

 

Englishman (in a bad mood): "Of course."

 

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

 

The Englishman listens in silence.

 

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

 

Englishman: "Of Course."

 

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

 

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England."

 

After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

 

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

 

Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

 

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

 

Englishman: "We don't. In England, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."

Edited by Bobj

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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This is outstanding lads !!! :clap2::clap2:

 

I nearly p*ssed myself !!! :clap::clap:

 

Keep them coming !!!! :clap::thumbs::clap2::clap:


The Older I get .. The better I was.

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A man enters a confessional in Ireland and says to the Priest, "Father,

 

It has been one month since my last confession. I've had s*x with Fannie Green every week for the last month."

 

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys."

 

Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had s*x

 

with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."

 

This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?"

 

"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.

Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Marys'."

 

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church.

 

All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar.

 

Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

 

The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.

 

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?"

 

The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

:bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163:

 

:bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163:

Australian joke......well some of us understand it.......I think ;)

Two aboriginals were driving their old Ford Falcon in the outback one day, when off in the distance they saw a police booze bus.

 

One of them thinks "this is great" and heads straight for it. As they pulled up, the driver winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"

 

The copper looks at him and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this tube for me."

The driver got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."

 

The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample.

 

"Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin' that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Haemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that," said the driver.

 

By now the copper is getting fairly irate and finally demands a urine sample for testing. The driver looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either." The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!!"

 

"Bloody oath mate." says the driver, "It's from the government. Says that you whites can ' t take the **** out of us blackfellas no more.


my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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