HAVE A LAUGH

[severus]

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, "Hello, sir. Can you please tell me why you're here to see the doctor today?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

 

The receptionist replied, "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private." The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

 

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?" "I can't pi$$ out of it," he replied.

[Guest Jan V]

[lureloser]

An old farmer is saddened one morning to find that his herd bull has died overnight. Realizing that this is a problem for his herd of cows, he calls a neigbour to ask if he could borrow his neighbours bull until he can find a replacement. His neighbour tells him that he no longer keeps a bull and all his cows are serviced by 'artificial insemination'.

 

After this conversation the old farmer decided to try this artificial insemination and so contacted his nearest AI center. A helpful guy took the farmers address and arranged a suitable time and date for the AI guy to visit.

 

The AI guy turned up on time and asked where the cattle were. The farmer told him that he'd put them in the milking parlour ready to be serviced.

 

When they went into the parlour the farmer turned and pointed to a nail sticking out from the inside of the door. The AI guy asked why it was there and the farmer said.

 

"I thought you'd need somewhere to hang yer trousers, floors a but mucky".

[Bobj]

OILS AINT OILS

 

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of

> the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for

> the birth of their first child.

>

> The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old

> gentleman and said, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

>

> The old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old motor running."

>

> The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of

> their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went

> out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, "Sir, you are something

> else. How do you manage it?"

>

> The old man grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor running."

>

> A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their

> third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the

> delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said,

> "Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?"

>>

> The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old

> motor running."

>

> The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:

>

> Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black."

[Guest Jan V]

 

Bob, if you download: http://www.download3k.com/Internet/Email/D...ilSTRIPPER.html then the > get stripped out of text and it generally looks better. We use it all the time.

[Chris Goddard]

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal."

[severus]

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal."

 

Boo. I'll remember that pun.

 

An old man goes to see the doctor and gets some tests. When the results come in, the doctor calls the old man in and says, "You'd better sit down. It's pretty bad." The old man becomes nervous and asks, "What is it, Doc? Don't hold back -- just give it to me straight."

 

"Well," says the doctor, "you have cancer and you have Alzheimers." The man replies, "Wow. Well, at least I don't have cancer."

[barry luxton]

For those who like to snuggle up to your pussy. Cleanish.

 

who likes to join a crowd. Unclean.

 

Finally a drink for our mates. I'm tight

Edited October 26, 2007 by barry luxton

[Clifftop]

· One morning at church, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with little flags mounted on either side of it.

The six year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."

"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" he asked.

The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked,

"Which service, the 9:30 or the 11:15?"

[Bobj]

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to

feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured

maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up

for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they

ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was

unable to find out what had happened to him.

 

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill,

but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat

Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then

he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'

 

Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'

'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde

waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'

 

'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'

 

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89

years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty' and

the judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'