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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

Canada's population of grizzly bears is suffering from an outbreak of dysentery.

 

A spokesman for the Government vets who are treating the bears said that things are getting better but they're not out of the woods yet.

:doh:

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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I ordered a Chinese meal last night. Chinese driver came to our door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate" "isolate" I said you’re not that late, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!

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Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So an official went to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities. "T

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ayjay Member

ayjay

Posted
Posted

A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow..

 

He sits at the counter and notices auld Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli....

After a few minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks, "If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?"

 

.Auld Jock slo...owly turns his head toward the young bloke and says, "Nah, ye can gae aheid."

Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom, loving every mouthful, until he notices a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl.

The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up all the chilli back into the bowl........

 

Auld Jock looks at him and says, "Aye, that's as far as I got too."

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ayjay Member

ayjay

Posted
Posted

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?

Johnny: Six, Sir.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?
Johnny: Seven!!! SIR!

A very angry Teacher: Where in the hell do you get seven from?

A very angry Johnny: Because I've already got a f*****g cat!!

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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

There was this Chinese girl at a travel agency when I was in Shanghai ,

I asked her if she could escort me for a city tour and asked for her mobile number,

so I could call her to make arrangements.

She got excited and said:
"sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonigh"

Wow, I'm guessing this is how Chinese women express their hospitality!

But then, my friend interpreted it for me and told me what she really said : 666136429

 

  • Like 2

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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ayjay Member

ayjay

Posted
Posted

A five year old girl goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room

"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly,

"As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"Why is that sweetheart?" said her Grandpa.

"Please, please, please make a noise like a frog because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disneyland!"

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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

 

 

 

 

The biggest lie I tell myself is ..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."


Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!


Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!


I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!


I don't need anger management. I need people to stop **** me off!


Old age is coming at a really bad time!


Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!


I don't have grey hair. I have "wisdom highlights".......... I'm just very wise.



If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.


The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no".....which is shorter than "yes".


I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.


When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"???


Even duct tape can't fix stupid ......... but it can muffle the sound!


Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?


Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!


Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?


At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.


 

 

 

 

 

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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Ken L Member

Ken L

Posted
Posted

My mates kid has pica.

Last night he ate a fill set of Scrabble tiles.

The next time he goes to the toilet, it could spell disaster.

Species caught in 2020: Barbel. European Eel. Bleak. Perch. Pike.

Species caught in 2019: Pike. Bream. Tench. Chub. Common Carp. European Eel. Barbel. Bleak. Dace.

Species caught in 2018: Perch. Bream. Rainbow Trout. Brown Trout. Chub. Roach. Carp. European Eel.

Species caught in 2017: Siamese carp. Striped catfish. Rohu. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Black Minnow Shark. Perch. Chub. Brown Trout. Pike. Bream. Roach. Rudd. Bleak. Common Carp.

Species caught in 2016: Siamese carp. Jullien's golden carp. Striped catfish. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Alligator gar. Rohu. Black Minnow Shark. Roach, Bream, Perch, Ballan Wrasse. Rudd. Common Carp. Pike. Zander. Chub. Bleak.

Species caught in 2015: Brown Trout. Roach. Bream. Terrapin. Eel. Barbel. Pike. Chub.

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ayjay Member

ayjay

Posted
Posted

It was a Saturday morning, May 3rd 1997.

I went to the bathroom for my morning evacuation.

It slid out quickly, leaving very little in the way of a trail, so little wipeage required.

However, when it hit the pan, it slid down the ceramic leaving a long brown trail a dirty snail would have been proud of.

It floated there, looking up at me with a sh*t eating grin that told me it was going to be a bit of a job(bie) to flush away.

I battered it to death with almost a whole roll of Andrex (other toilet papers are available) before it finally went round the bend.



I have to admit, I have an excellent memory for faeces.....

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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

 

 

SEX AT 73

Just took a leaflet out of my mailbox,

informing me that I can have sex at 73.

I'm so happy, because I live at number 71.

So it's not too far to walk home afterwards.

And it's the same side of the street.

I don't even have to cross the road!

~~~~~

Answering machine message, "I am not available right now,

but thank you for caring enough to call.

I am making some changes in my life.

Please leave a message after the beep.

If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

~~~~~

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

~~~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses

without your glasses.

~~~~~

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take

without forgetting.

~~~~~

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your

way around, you're not going anywhere.

~~~~~

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an

answer for her first question.

~~~~~

I was always taught to respect my elders,

but it keeps getting harder to find one.

~~~~~

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

~~~~~

A
spire to inspire before you expire.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

s.gifs.gif

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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Clifftop Member

Clifftop

Posted
Posted

If you have an "Automotive Minded" (aka Rev Head) Person in your life, these gift

suggestions should be considered.

 

1. Tire Air Change Kit. This kit comes with everything you need to

change the air in your tires. This highly recommended but often

overlooked maintenance item is much easier now. Remember to change

your air every 3000 kms or twice a year. $25

 

2. Blinker Fluid. You knew it existed but, WOW, is this stuff hard to find.

100ml bottle. $12

 

3. Synthetic Blinker Fluid. Better yet! 100ml bottle. $24

 

4. Light Bulb Filaments. Why throw away a perfectly good turn signal

or stop light bulb when you can just install a new filament? Premium

Filaments, made in the USA! $1 ea.

 

5. Manifold Heat. Yes, your exhaust manifold should be HOT. If it's

not, you may need this item. Sold by the pound. $3.50

 

6. Steering Wheel Gaskets. All SIZES available! Email for specific

application. From $9.99

 

7. Tie Rod Tensioner. Is your tie rod limp? Tension it with T-50! $14.99

 

8. Alternator Batteries. (4 required, replace them all!) From $2.99

 

9. Fan Belt Buckles. Specify brass or chrome. Gold available special

order. $14.99

 

10. Muffler Bearing Manual. Print version $59.95

 

11. Muffler Bearing Manual. CD version $49.99

 

12. Universal Muffler Bearing Tool Kit $105.59

 

13. Muffler Bearing Hi Temp Synthetic Lube (the only kind we sell!) $40.24

 

14. Muffler Bearings From $19.95

 

15. Muffler Bearing Gasket Kits From $9.99

 

16. Momentum (required for tackling some off road obstacles). Sold by

the lb-ft/sec $0.50

 

17. Microsoft Windows Eliminator. If your car or truck begins to run poorly,

(long time to start, frequent crashes, etc.), it's computer, (ecm,

ecu, black box, etc.), may have become infected with this nasty

computer virus. This product will safely remove the virus. $199

 

18. Mirror Image Flipper Film. Did you know that the image you see in

your rear view mirrors are reversed! This is a manufacturing flaw

that the auto companies have kept secret for years as the recall

would cost BILLIONS! This film can be cut and placed over any mirror

to correct the image. Now you'll be able to read signs in the rear

view mirror! $5 per square ft.

 

----------- Today's saying or thought -------------------------

 

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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