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HAVE A LAUGH

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By Bobj
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Bobj Member

Bobj

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WHO SAID FOOTBALLERS AREN'T INTELLIGENT?

"My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7." - David Beckham

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." - Mark Viduka

"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." - Neville Southall

"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." - Paul Gascoigne

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." - Mark Draper

"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.” - Ugo Ehiogu

"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough." -Jonathan Woodgate

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." - Stuart Pearce

"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right." - Lee Hendrie

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." - Ian Rush

"Germany are a very difficult team to play. They had 11 internationals out there today." - Steve Lomas

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." - Barry Venison

"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet" - David Beckham

"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European" - Phil Neville

"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." - Mitchell Thomas

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." - Alan Shearer

"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd." - Johnny Giles

"Sometimes in football you have to score goals." - Thierry Henry

 

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ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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*Ant*
*Ant*

I ordered a Chinese meal last night. Chinese driver came to our door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate" "isolate" I said you’re not that late, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!

wotnobivvy
wotnobivvy

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So an official went to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities. "T

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Bobj

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chesters1 Member

chesters1

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The last one rarely applies to goal keepers LOL

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

None of this "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" crap it just means i have at least two enemies!

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

Life insurance? you wont enjoy a penny!

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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John S Member

John S

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:bigemo_harabe_net-163:

John S

Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra

 

Species caught in 2017 Common Ash, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, White Willow.

Species caught in 2016: Alder, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Crab Apple, Left Earlobe, Pedunculate Oak, Rock Whitebeam, Scots Pine, Smooth-leaved Elm, Swan, Wayfaring tree.

Species caught in 2015: Ash, Bird Cherry, Black-Headed Gull, Common Hazel, Common Whitebeam, Elder, Field Maple, Gorse, Puma, Sessile Oak, White Willow.

Species caught in 2014: Big Angry Man's Ear, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Common Whitebeam, Downy Birch, European Beech, European Holly, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, Wych Elm.
Species caught in 2013: Beech, Elder, Hawthorn, Oak, Right Earlobe, Scots Pine.

Species caught in 2012: Ash, Aspen, Beech, Big Nasty Stinging Nettle, Birch, Copper Beech, Grey Willow, Holly, Hazel, Oak, Wasp Nest (that was a really bad day), White Poplar.
Species caught in 2011: Blackthorn, Crab Apple, Elder, Fir, Hawthorn, Horse Chestnut, Oak, Passing Dog, Rowan, Sycamore, Willow.
Species caught in 2010: Ash, Beech, Birch, Elder, Elm, Gorse, Mullberry, Oak, Poplar, Rowan, Sloe, Willow, Yew.

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Vagabond Member

Vagabond

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:bigemo_harabe_net-163:

Me too

 

With regard to the last item, I remember a play about a West Midland football manager who said, "Most people think football is about gowls (sic), but it ain't, its about commitment". His team were bottom of the league, but he ran 15 miles every morning to show "commitment"

 

 

RNLI Governor

 

World species 471 : UK species 105 : English species 95 .

Certhia's world species - 215

Eclectic "husband and wife combined" world species 501

 

"Nothing matters very much, few things matter at all" - Plato

...only things like fresh bait and cold beer...

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Ken L Member

Ken L

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That reminds me that more than 20 years after the death of Conservative MP for Eastleigh Stephen Milligan, police have finally reviled that in addition to being found dead with a black bin liner over his head and wearing stockings and suspenders, Mr Milligan was also wearing a West Bromwich Albion shirt.

 

A spokesperson for the Metropolitan police explained that this detail was omitted from the public record at the time because it might have embarrassed Mr Milligan's family.

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Species caught in 2020: Barbel. European Eel. Bleak. Perch. Pike.

Species caught in 2019: Pike. Bream. Tench. Chub. Common Carp. European Eel. Barbel. Bleak. Dace.

Species caught in 2018: Perch. Bream. Rainbow Trout. Brown Trout. Chub. Roach. Carp. European Eel.

Species caught in 2017: Siamese carp. Striped catfish. Rohu. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Black Minnow Shark. Perch. Chub. Brown Trout. Pike. Bream. Roach. Rudd. Bleak. Common Carp.

Species caught in 2016: Siamese carp. Jullien's golden carp. Striped catfish. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Alligator gar. Rohu. Black Minnow Shark. Roach, Bream, Perch, Ballan Wrasse. Rudd. Common Carp. Pike. Zander. Chub. Bleak.

Species caught in 2015: Brown Trout. Roach. Bream. Terrapin. Eel. Barbel. Pike. Chub.

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gozzer Member

gozzer

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The beloved terrier of a Yorkshireman dies, the man is heart broken, and decides he wants a special permanent reminder of his late pet. He goes to a local artist and asks if he could make a statue of the dog, the artist says of course he could, and asks what material he would like it made from. The man thinks for a while, then asks if he could make it from gold. The artist says he could, and asks if he wants it 18 carat. "Don't be so bloody daft", says the man, "but tha can av' 'im chowin' a bone if tha likes".

 

 

John.

Angling is more than just catching fish, if it wasn't it would just be called 'catching'......... John

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poler Junior Member

poler

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Posted

Heres a few insurence claims,they are real ones and they do make you wonder,are we on the same planet......

 

Quote...

On going to work at 7am,i drove out of my driveway and into a bus,it was five minuets early..... :doh:

-------------------------------

 

I did not know the speed limit applied after midnight... :bangin:

-----------------------------------

 

The car in front hit a person but he got up so i hit him again... :shutup:

 

-----------------------------------

 

I thought my window was down but found out it was up when i put my head through it.... :yahoo:

 

---------------------------------

 

if you think these are daft wait till you read the next lot from court rooms,remember these are real,not made up and it will make you wonder.....

 

Quote....

 

Q....What gear was you in at the time of accident

A...Gucci Sweats and reebox... :doh:

 

-------------------------------

Q....How old is you're son,the one living with you?

A...38 or 25,i can't remember now.

Q....How long has he lived with you then?

A.....48 years.... :bangin:

 

----------------------------------

 

Q...What was the first thing you're husband said to you on the morning in Question?

A.....He said,where am i Cathy.

Q...And this upset you?..why?

A...my name is Susan.... :clap3:

----------------------------------

 

Q....Do you recall what time you examined the body?

A..The Autopsy started at 8.30.

Q...And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?

A...NO ,he was sitting on the table wondering why i was doing a bloody Autopsy..... :yahoo:

-----------------------------------

This is my all time fav,unreal this is....

 

Q...Doctor,before you did the Autopsy,did you check for a pulse?

A...No.

Q...Did you check for blood preasure?

A...No.

Q..Did you check for breathing?

A...No.

Q....So is it not possible the person was still alive when you did the Autopsy?

A...No.

Q..How can you be so sure Doctor?

A...Because his Brains was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q...But could the person still have been alive none the less?

 

A...YES...it is possible and he might be practicing law at this moment as well.... :yahoo:

 

CLASSIC.

Take life as it comes,you get one chance so enjoy it.

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Clifftop Member

Clifftop

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John brought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they
arrived at the door his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John
and kissed him passionately.

"My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?"

"22 years", replied John.

"You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that
after all those years."

"Don't be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous."

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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poler Junior Member

poler

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Two old guys was talking one day and one called Joe said to his mate Fred,you know we are getting on a bit now mate and i was thinking what about us having one last good time with the ladies,well said Fred you might be right,what about us having a few drinks and going to the brothal on the back street,good idea said Joe,so they got there money and off they went.

They had a few drinks,a lot in fact,and got to the house to be greeted by the Madam who seeing they was old and drunk thought she would get one over on them,she asked them to sit down and told her male minder to put two blow up dolls in the beds because these was so drunk they would never know the difference,so he did it,she took them to the rooms and siad,have fun guys.

After a hour they both came down stairs looking pleased but wondering what was wrong,Fred said to Joe,well how was you'rs,he said,well i think she was dead mate,what said Fred,dead said Joe,why you say that mate,well no matter what i did she never made a sound,same expression on her face all the time,no life in her at all.....well said fred,thats better than mine,i think mine was crossed between a witch and the tooth fairy,how come said Joe,well i gave her a love bite and she made a funny hissing sound then she took off and flew out the window,taking me best teeth with her :yahoo:

  • Like 1

Take life as it comes,you get one chance so enjoy it.

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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

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Posted

 

PRESBYTERIAN :

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

 

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

 

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

 

THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

 

THE MORSE CODE :

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

 

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

 

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

 

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

 

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

 

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

 

A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

I'M A DOT IN PLACE

 

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

 

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

 

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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