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An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

 

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

 

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

 

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

 

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

 

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

 

The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

 

The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

 

The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

 

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

 

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..."

Chortle😸

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

 

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen. "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?"

 

"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

 

Jeremy Corbyn then asked. "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"

 

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch me and listen."

 

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?"

 

Prince Charles walked into the room and said. Yes, Mother?

 

The Queen smiled and said to Charles. "Answer me this please Charles. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

 

Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered. "That would be me."

 

"Yes, very good!" Said the Queen.

 

Ah ha I get it said Jeremy, thank you Ma'am. And in a great rush he left.

 

Corbyn went back to Parliament and decided to ask Diane Abbott the same question.

 

"Diane, answer this for me." "Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

 

"I'm not sure." Said Abbott. And then in true Diane Abbott style she went on to say. "Let me get back to you on that one."

 

She went to her advisers and asked everyone, but none could give her an answer.

 

Frustrated, Diane went for a coffee and met Nigel Farage. "Nigel, see if you can answer this question."

 

"Okay." Replied Nigel.

 

"Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

 

Farage immediately answered,."That's easy, it's me!"

 

Abbott grinned and said. "Good answer Nigel, I see it all now!"

 

Abbott then, went back to find Corbyn and said to him. "Jeremy, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle

'If your mother and father have a child who is not your brother or your sister, the child is Nigel Farage!"'

 

Corbyn went red in the face, got up, stomped over to Abbott, and yelled in hher face. "No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles!"


Species caught in 2019: Pike. Bream. Tench. Chub. Common Carp. European Eel. Barbel. Bleak. Dace.

Species caught in 2018: Perch. Bream. Rainbow Trout. Brown Trout. Chub. Roach. Carp. European Eel.

Species caught in 2017: Siamese carp. Striped catfish. Rohu. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Black Minnow Shark. Perch. Chub. Brown Trout. Pike. Bream. Roach. Rudd. Bleak. Common Carp.

Species caught in 2016: Siamese carp. Jullien's golden carp. Striped catfish. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Alligator gar. Rohu. Black Minnow Shark. Roach, Bream, Perch, Ballan Wrasse. Rudd. Common Carp. Pike. Zander. Chub. Bleak.

Species caught in 2015: Brown Trout. Roach. Bream. Terrapin. Eel. Barbel. Pike. Chub.

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Titter like all the best jokes you can visualise it happening although in the case of royalty there could be someone locked up somewhere like prince john was or the odd cousin lol

 

Just trying to visualise the offspring of a corbyn / abbot relationship ,IQ in single figures ,probably do well as a judge or member of the lords

Edited by chesters1

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

 

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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thumbnail-1573833651540blob.jpg


Species caught in 2019: Pike. Bream. Tench. Chub. Common Carp. European Eel. Barbel. Bleak. Dace.

Species caught in 2018: Perch. Bream. Rainbow Trout. Brown Trout. Chub. Roach. Carp. European Eel.

Species caught in 2017: Siamese carp. Striped catfish. Rohu. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Black Minnow Shark. Perch. Chub. Brown Trout. Pike. Bream. Roach. Rudd. Bleak. Common Carp.

Species caught in 2016: Siamese carp. Jullien's golden carp. Striped catfish. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Alligator gar. Rohu. Black Minnow Shark. Roach, Bream, Perch, Ballan Wrasse. Rudd. Common Carp. Pike. Zander. Chub. Bleak.

Species caught in 2015: Brown Trout. Roach. Bream. Terrapin. Eel. Barbel. Pike. Chub.

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Not sure i want to join that gang lol


Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

 

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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Best cartoon I've seen for ages.

 

 

the scottish wasp chewer modified.jpg

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On 11/5/2019 at 11:27 PM, Ken L said:

"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obviously that does not include her favourite son, nor come to think of it Wingut and the Horse Bride.


The problem isn't what people don't know, it's what they know that just ain't so.
Vaut mieux ne rien dire et passer pour un con que de parler et prouver que t'en est un!
Mi, ch’fais toudis à m’mote

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16 minutes ago, corydoras said:

Obviously that does not include her favourite son, nor come to think of it Wingut and the Horse Bride.

It's not like Andrew's inclinations were ever really hidden:

 


Species caught in 2019: Pike. Bream. Tench. Chub. Common Carp. European Eel. Barbel. Bleak. Dace.

Species caught in 2018: Perch. Bream. Rainbow Trout. Brown Trout. Chub. Roach. Carp. European Eel.

Species caught in 2017: Siamese carp. Striped catfish. Rohu. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Black Minnow Shark. Perch. Chub. Brown Trout. Pike. Bream. Roach. Rudd. Bleak. Common Carp.

Species caught in 2016: Siamese carp. Jullien's golden carp. Striped catfish. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Alligator gar. Rohu. Black Minnow Shark. Roach, Bream, Perch, Ballan Wrasse. Rudd. Common Carp. Pike. Zander. Chub. Bleak.

Species caught in 2015: Brown Trout. Roach. Bream. Terrapin. Eel. Barbel. Pike. Chub.

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BRAINS (🧠) OF BRITAIN (🇬🇧) (these are real)

 

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:

Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:

Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston:

There's a clue in the title.

Contestant:

Leicester

 


BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White:

Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Stewart White:

I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:

Arm

Stewart White:

Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant:

Strong.

Stewart White:

Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant:

Louis

Stewart White:

Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

Frank Sinatra?

 

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski:

What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant:

France.

Trelinski:

France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:

Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski:

Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:

Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski:

Just guess a country then.

Contestant:

Paris.

 

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:

Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or

the Conservative Party?

Contestant:

The Conservative Party.

 

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark:

For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis:

I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

 

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne:

What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant:

Goosey?

 

GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter:

What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant:

I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

 

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO? MANCHESTER)

Phil:

What's 11 squared?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Phil:

I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:

Is it five?

 

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:

Forrest Gump.

 

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:

Er. ... ....

Richard:

He makes bread . . ...

Contestant:

Er .. .......

Richard:

He makes cakes . . ...

Contestant:

Kipling Street?

 

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter:

Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:

Barcelona.

Presenter:

I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:

I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

 

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question:

What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant:

The Pacific.

 

ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter:

Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

 

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre:

What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:

Magna Carta?

 

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O'Brien:

How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:

Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?

 


CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle:

In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller:

Japan.

Chris Searle:

I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:

Er ........ Mexico ?

 

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat:

How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause):

Fourteen days.

 

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham:

In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant:

Holland?

Daryl Denham:

Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant:

Iceland? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully)

It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:

No.

 

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood:

What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:

Er... .... ....

Phil Wood:

It's got two syllables . . . Kor . ..

Contestant:

Blimey?

Phil Wood:

Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ...

Contestant:

(Silence)

...

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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