HAVE A LAUGH

[ayjay]

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour

group and explore the city on his own. He wanders

around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a

quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the

locals, and have a pint of bitter.

 

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice

neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs,

no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public

restrooms.

 

However, he really has to go, after all those pints of beer.

He finds a narrow side street, with high

walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides

to use the wall to solve his problem.

 

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a

London bobby, who says, "Sir, you simply cannot do

that here, you know."

 

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but

I really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."

 

"Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me". He leads

the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which

he opens.

 

"In there," points the bobby, "whiz away sir, anywhere you like."

 

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most

beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass

lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and

huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

 

Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves

himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes

back through the gate, he says to the bobby "That was

really decent of you. Is that what you call English

hospitality?"

 

"No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call

the French Embassy."

[Bobj]

Vive l'entente cordiale

 

:bigemo_harabe_net-163:

[Clifftop]

my next door neighbour said to his

wife, "Darling, it is your 60th birthday

tomorrow. What would you like as a gift?".

 

She answered, "I would like a divorce".

 

He answered, "Sorry, I wasn't planning

on spending that much".

[Guest Jan V]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense..'

 

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his

parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the

nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father

in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed

 

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

 

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

 

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.

The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh1t

Edited April 2, 2008 by Jan V

[Bobj]

:bigemo_harabe_net-163:

 

So, you blokes want a "six-pack" body???

 

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z282/Fe...um/Six_Pack.jpg

Edited April 2, 2008 by Bobj

[Janet]

Women's Arse size study

 

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their arses.

 

The results are pretty interesting:

1. 5% of women surveyed feel their arse is too big.

 

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their arse is too small.

 

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway

[Guest Jan V]

Women's Arse size study

 

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their arses.

 

The results are pretty interesting:

1. 5% of women surveyed feel their arse is too big.

 

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their arse is too small.

 

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway

[Guest Jan V]

Subject: fishin' store:

 

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her

grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she

just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark

shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can

you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it

on the counter, I can tell you everything from the

sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the

counter anyway.

 

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a

Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around

combination and it's on sale this week for only $20 .00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by

the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll

take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on

the floor.

 

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At

first she is really embarrassed, but

then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it

was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she

was the only person around.

 

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you

tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

 

He replies," Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the

Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50."

[Bobj]

A farmer got in his pickup, drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the

farmhouse door.

A young boy about 12 opened the door.

'Is your dad home?' the farmer asked.

'No, sir, he ain't' the boy replied.

'He went into town.'

'Well, said the farmer, is your mom here?'

'No sir, she ain't here neither...she went into town with dad.'

'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?'

'He went with mom and dad.'

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other

mumbling to himself.

'Is there anything I can do for ya?' the boy asked politely.'

'I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or, maybe I could

take a message for dad.'

'Well, said the farmer uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to your dad...

It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae pregnant.'

The boy considered for a moment.

'You would have to talk to Pa about that,' he finally conceded.

'If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the

hog, 'But I really don't know how much he gets for Howard.'

[Guest Jan V]