Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I'm told that this got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you'll see why! Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show.

 

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers 'yes', he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

 

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with (phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

 

 

Anyway, here's how it all went down:

 

 

 

DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'

 

Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'

 

DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please.'

 

Contestant: 'Brian.'

 

DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'

 

Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'

 

DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'

 

Brian: 'Sarah.'

 

DJ: 'Is Sarah at work, Brian?'

 

Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'

 

DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'

 

Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'

 

DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'

 

Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'

 

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

 

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...'

 

DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?'

 

Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'

 

DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake.'

 

Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'

 

DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?

 

Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'

 

DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'

 

Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks...'

 

DJ: 'Uh huh...'

 

Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'

 

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

 

Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'

 

DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it.

 

Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up.

 

 

DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?' (Touch tones.....ringing....)

 

Clerk: 'Kinkos.'

 

DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'

 

Clerk: 'This is she.'

 

DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'

 

Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'

 

DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose.

 

Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?'

 

Sarah: 'No.'

 

DJ: 'Good!'

 

Brian: (laughing)

 

Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'

 

Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be

completely honest.'

 

DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

 

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

 

DJ: 'Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'

 

Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'

 

DJ: 'What time?'

 

Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'

 

DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'

 

Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.'

 

DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to

protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one

question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'

 

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

 

DJ: 'Where did you have it?'

 

Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'

 

Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'

 

DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?'

 

Sarah: 'Well...'

 

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?

 

Sarah: 'Up the a**e.....'

 

They had to call an ambulance for the DJ because he thought he was

going to have a heart attack as he could not stop laughing...!

 

Apparently there was also an unusually high call out of the Sydney

Police just after this conversation for minor traffic collisions...!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 2.4k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

I ordered a Chinese meal last night. Chinese driver came to our door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate" "isolate" I said you’re not that late, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So an official went to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities. "T

Posted Images

^^^^Not true (Snopes) BUT...

 

p155ed myself anyway :lol:

 

I put it in the joke thread on the basis that it was probably apocryphal.

 

However, you've encouraged me check it and my Snopes must be different to yours. :P

 

Snopes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Read the entire article in Snopes ayjay, they mention the Australian version near the end :)

John S

Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra

 

Species caught in 2017 Common Ash, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, White Willow.

Species caught in 2016: Alder, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Crab Apple, Left Earlobe, Pedunculate Oak, Rock Whitebeam, Scots Pine, Smooth-leaved Elm, Swan, Wayfaring tree.

Species caught in 2015: Ash, Bird Cherry, Black-Headed Gull, Common Hazel, Common Whitebeam, Elder, Field Maple, Gorse, Puma, Sessile Oak, White Willow.

Species caught in 2014: Big Angry Man's Ear, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Common Whitebeam, Downy Birch, European Beech, European Holly, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, Wych Elm.
Species caught in 2013: Beech, Elder, Hawthorn, Oak, Right Earlobe, Scots Pine.

Species caught in 2012: Ash, Aspen, Beech, Big Nasty Stinging Nettle, Birch, Copper Beech, Grey Willow, Holly, Hazel, Oak, Wasp Nest (that was a really bad day), White Poplar.
Species caught in 2011: Blackthorn, Crab Apple, Elder, Fir, Hawthorn, Horse Chestnut, Oak, Passing Dog, Rowan, Sycamore, Willow.
Species caught in 2010: Ash, Beech, Birch, Elder, Elm, Gorse, Mullberry, Oak, Poplar, Rowan, Sloe, Willow, Yew.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A few minutes before the church services started, the towns people were

sitting in their pews and talking. suddenly, Satan appeared at the front

of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front

entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

 

Soon, everyone had exited the church except for one old man calmly sitting in his pew

without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his

presence.

 

So Satan walked up to the old man and said 'Don't you know who I am?'

 

'Yep, sure do.'

 

'Aren't you afraid of me?'

 

'Nope, sure ain't.'

 

'Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?

 

'Don't doubt it for a minute.'

 

'Did you know that I could cause

you profound, horrifying, physical agony for all eternity??'

 

'Yep', was the calm reply.

 

'And you're still not afraid??' asked Satan.

 

'Nope.'

 

More than a little perturbed,

Satan asked, 'Well, why aren't you afraid of me?'

 

The man calmly replied......'Been

married to your sister for 68 years.'?

Jeff

 

Piscator non solum piscatur.

 

Yellow Prowler13

2274389822_1033c38a0e_s.jpg

Ask me at 75...

Link to post
Share on other sites

A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheely bins and

 

Emptying them into his dust cart lorry. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't

 

been left out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back, but still

 

can't see it. So he knocks on the door. There's no answer so he knocks again

 

Eventually a foreign bloke answers . . .

 

"Harro", says the happy chappy.

"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.

 

"I bin on toiret" replies the bloke, looking perplexed.

 

Realising the fellow has misunderstood, the bin man smiles

and says "No mate, where's ya dust bin?"

 

"I dust bin on toiret I told you" says the man.

 

"Mate" says the dustman... "you're misunderstanding me...Where's you

 

wheely bin?"

 

"OK" "OK" , says the bloke, "I wheely bin having #ank"

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

A man appeared before St Peter at the Pearly Gates.

 

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St Peter asked.

 

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I told them to leave her alone but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of you!"

 

St Peter was impressed "When did this happen?"

 

“Couple of minutes ago".

 

:rolleyes:

John S

Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra

 

Species caught in 2017 Common Ash, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, White Willow.

Species caught in 2016: Alder, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Crab Apple, Left Earlobe, Pedunculate Oak, Rock Whitebeam, Scots Pine, Smooth-leaved Elm, Swan, Wayfaring tree.

Species caught in 2015: Ash, Bird Cherry, Black-Headed Gull, Common Hazel, Common Whitebeam, Elder, Field Maple, Gorse, Puma, Sessile Oak, White Willow.

Species caught in 2014: Big Angry Man's Ear, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Common Whitebeam, Downy Birch, European Beech, European Holly, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, Wych Elm.
Species caught in 2013: Beech, Elder, Hawthorn, Oak, Right Earlobe, Scots Pine.

Species caught in 2012: Ash, Aspen, Beech, Big Nasty Stinging Nettle, Birch, Copper Beech, Grey Willow, Holly, Hazel, Oak, Wasp Nest (that was a really bad day), White Poplar.
Species caught in 2011: Blackthorn, Crab Apple, Elder, Fir, Hawthorn, Horse Chestnut, Oak, Passing Dog, Rowan, Sycamore, Willow.
Species caught in 2010: Ash, Beech, Birch, Elder, Elm, Gorse, Mullberry, Oak, Poplar, Rowan, Sloe, Willow, Yew.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.

 

The majority of the kids identified the following:

 

 

 

Red......................Cherry

 

 

 

Yellow................Lemon

 

 

 

Green...................Lime

 

 

 

Orange.................Orange

 

 

 

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.

 

After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.

 

 

'Well,' she said, 'I will give you all a clue.

 

It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

 

 

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,

 

Oh my God!! They're ass-holes!!!

Species caught in 2020: Barbel. European Eel. Bleak. Perch. Pike.

Species caught in 2019: Pike. Bream. Tench. Chub. Common Carp. European Eel. Barbel. Bleak. Dace.

Species caught in 2018: Perch. Bream. Rainbow Trout. Brown Trout. Chub. Roach. Carp. European Eel.

Species caught in 2017: Siamese carp. Striped catfish. Rohu. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Black Minnow Shark. Perch. Chub. Brown Trout. Pike. Bream. Roach. Rudd. Bleak. Common Carp.

Species caught in 2016: Siamese carp. Jullien's golden carp. Striped catfish. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Alligator gar. Rohu. Black Minnow Shark. Roach, Bream, Perch, Ballan Wrasse. Rudd. Common Carp. Pike. Zander. Chub. Bleak.

Species caught in 2015: Brown Trout. Roach. Bream. Terrapin. Eel. Barbel. Pike. Chub.

Link to post
Share on other sites

And if you're not amused by the written word........

Youtube Video ->

Species caught in 2020: Barbel. European Eel. Bleak. Perch. Pike.

Species caught in 2019: Pike. Bream. Tench. Chub. Common Carp. European Eel. Barbel. Bleak. Dace.

Species caught in 2018: Perch. Bream. Rainbow Trout. Brown Trout. Chub. Roach. Carp. European Eel.

Species caught in 2017: Siamese carp. Striped catfish. Rohu. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Black Minnow Shark. Perch. Chub. Brown Trout. Pike. Bream. Roach. Rudd. Bleak. Common Carp.

Species caught in 2016: Siamese carp. Jullien's golden carp. Striped catfish. Mekong catfish. Amazon red tail catfish. Arapaima. Alligator gar. Rohu. Black Minnow Shark. Roach, Bream, Perch, Ballan Wrasse. Rudd. Common Carp. Pike. Zander. Chub. Bleak.

Species caught in 2015: Brown Trout. Roach. Bream. Terrapin. Eel. Barbel. Pike. Chub.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...