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  1. Winding down - angling as one gets older and frailer. Having caught shark, marlin, and sturgeon over 300 lb, and several hundred species from places as diverse as the Amazon Basin, the Australian outback, the Southern Ocean, the Caribbean coral flats and the streams of the American Divide. It is with some disbelief that I find age, muscle weakness and increasingly severe angina drastically limiting where I can fish. I have always loved catching wild fish in wild places, which has had me fishing in all seven oceans, and six of the seven continents. (went to the seventh – Antarcti
    6 points
  2. I ordered a Chinese meal last night. Chinese driver came to our door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate" "isolate" I said you’re not that late, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!
    6 points
  3. Damn site more than i caught ,i popped down the river for a couple of hours ,just as i leant forward to drop the float in the bank slid and down i went. The rivers not deep just waist deep in the pool i was trying to fish but getting out was a laugh ,fricking cold and very muddy ! In the end i walked downstream to where the bank was easier to climb but i went down more times than i went up. Must have been a great sight walking along the road ,one hand holding a muddy bag and rod the other desperately trying to hold up sodden muddy trousers with a broken string ! Probably cu
    6 points
  4. Extract from Tony Blair's book! 'I had regularly started jogging out of Downing Street . On each run I happened to jog past a hooker (prostitute) standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension I would brace myself as I approached her for what was most certainly to follow. "Fifty Pounds!" she would shout from the kerb. "No way, 50 pence!" I fired back. This ritual between myself and the hooker continued for days. I'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty Pounds!" And I'd yell back "50 pence!" One day, however, my wife Cherie decide
    5 points
  5. I was naked when I met the postman at the front door this morning. I don't know what surprised him most, that I was naked, or that I knew where he lived. I've been told that a good way of letting go of your anger towards other people is to write letters to those you hate and then burn them. I've done that, but do I have to keep the letters? After finding 5 Mars, 3 Snickers, a Galaxy and a Twix in this Celebrations box, I'm starting to think I'm not cut out to be a Bounty hunter. Boss: "This is the third time you have been late for work this week. You know what this means, don't
    5 points
  6. Well, I'm glad nobody has written my obituary! Thanks for all the kind remarks - especially about the book. I reconnected yesterday - see Tiggers thread 're a few hours out. Still fishing in my 87th year, albeit just small still waters due to ever increasing angina problems.
    5 points
  7. That took me a while.
    4 points
  8. Better was on a State visit to Oz PP was informed he would have to answer the same questions at border control everyone else does, PP was quite happy to oblige. When the Border Official asked “Have you any criminal convictions?” He replied “Sorry I don’t, I didn’t realise you still needed them to come here!”
    4 points
  9. Trumpy at Andrews giving his last speech as President, how many people would have predicted that five years ago. He still seems to be casting doubt on the legitimacy of the election despite so many people, not just in his own Country but others including the U.K. telling him to accept the Democratic vote and move on. Only in the USA some say, thank goodness would never happen here. Can anybody imagine having a democratic vote in this Country and a huge chunk of the minority not accepting the result and continuing to contest it and argue about it four years later?
    4 points
  10. An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter to the family. Dear Mum & Dad, I am well, hope youse are too? Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin’!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not
    4 points
  11. Except in a river or stream Regarding the information about the wind i have come to realise Millenials dont have a sense of consequence, you see them on youtube falling foul of obvious pitfalls any 'normal' adult will predict so everything has to be explained and most likely every time it's published because when you live on a phone there is no need to remember anything, its a wonder some remember to breathe !
    4 points
  12. All, One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, “Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?” His grandpa replied, “Can your pen!s reach your a$shole?” “No”, said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, “Then you’re not old enough.” The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, “Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?” His grandpa replied, “Can your pen!s reach your a$shole?” “No” said Little Johhny. “Then you’re not old enough.” his grandpa replied. The
    4 points
  13. 16/08 a couple of weeks ago obliterating my PB caught 3 Chub. And this one on the same boilie lol
    4 points
  14. all, When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. * * * * * * * * * * * * To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it. * * * * * * * * * * * * Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. * * * * * * * * * * * * When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. * * * * * * * * * * * * I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. * * * * * * * * * * * * I had my patience tested. I'm negative. *
    4 points
  15. Well folks, we arrived at the venue - Kippax Park Lakes about 8:15 Wed' Morning for my first session since last September & Trevor's first a couple of years!! Not the best of starts, as when untangling the 3 made up rods I took, hadn't noticed I'd knocked the landing net (Handle & all) into the swim so had to borrow one from the office at least until a lovely old fella, Lawrence came round later & dragged mine out with a grappling hook - He's part of the furniture there & has never failed (he says) to get "Gone In" pole sections etc. Incidentally he always brings with him the o
    4 points
  16. Although I'd planned a few days previous my health kept me in doors. I was told of a pond, definitely not a carp puddle, localish and reasonably accessible. Despite an 80% forecast of rain I thought why not. It was my daughters fellas only day off this week so yesterday or nothing. Arriving at 0700, I couldn't manage any earlier despite my excitement, retirement has got to me and to get there at 0700 I had to be up at 0500. Early enough. One person fishing, 1st peg out of the car park, ha ha. No longer steady on my feet I don't walk round anymore. Five minutes with the binos an
    4 points
  17. I thoroughly love using a centrepin for trotting on the small streams and rivers that I fish, but not in all swims; some of the swims are too full of streamer weed and cabbages to allow me to trot very far. Plus the smaller streams that I fish have a lot of bends and overhanging branches which can make trotting a float a very precarious pastime in some cases. But the centrepin when in the hands of someone who really enjoys using it and who knows how to get the best out of using one is a tool that a lot of people just ignore; to their detriment in my view; however everyone is different and
    4 points
  18. I’ve just been to the chemist to get Mother’s prescription, I spoke to the pharmacist Alan asking if he sold hypodermic syringes, when he asked why I says, “I’m going to inject bleach to see if it works, not on myself of course but I have a list of people to try it out on!” He smiled (a rare occurrence) and says “Can I add some names to the list!”
    4 points
  19. Alas the ability to read and comprehend what others have written is not a strong point for some. I do try not to bother nowadays as really theres just no getting past those massive blinders but sometimes I can't resist the temptation to try. must be useful at times to be able to blissfully ignore what is going on in the surrounding world and live in ones own little fairy story.
    4 points
  20. I managed to get out when the virus first broke, bought 1,500 rolls of bog paper and 150 bottles of hand sanitiser, thought I would be ok but my sister is coming to stay as she lives in a post office with her daughter’s family and it’s not a good environment for protecting her from infection, so I went out today to get some more bog roll and the shelves are empty, bloody idiot hoarders and panic buyers.
    4 points
  21. Thanks for trying to explain my position Phone, but you've got somethings the wrong way round. It's not so much the 'culture' of the carp anglers in general, I have a few acquaintances, that are carp mad, and we still talk amicably it's a mixture of things. It's not the fault of a virus that it inflicts itself on other people, but we still want to try and control, or eradicate it. We can't eradicate the people who catch and spread the virus, only try and get them to accept more hygienic, and common sense methods to help reduce the impact of that virus. Carp are the virus, anglers are part
    4 points
  22. I saw some absolutely disgusting behaviour on the way through town today. There was a man and a woman having an almighty argument in front of a load of kids. Suddenly the woman just lost it, she was hysterical and smacked the guy straight in the head. It all kicked off then and there was a massive brawl. Someone must have called the police because this poor policeman turned up on his own. He was trying to stop the fight by hitting the man with his baton but the guy took the baton and was hammering the Policeman and the woman with it. Then out of the blue a crocodile appeared
    4 points
  23. They were good "in the day" but compared to most intrepids they were far superior . I have a boxful of Mitchells not worth selling on but dont collect them as such ,some are highly sought after but more to put on a shelf than a bank. I dont rate them today enough to use them but i do use abu closed face reels most trips from the same era they fulfil the need i use them for as most know on here i stupidly becan collecting intrepids this is about 2/3rds of my collection i cannot go back far enough to get them in all in the fram
    4 points
  24. An end to the flat Earth argument.
    3 points
  25. You've spent the last five years telling us there are heaps of fish to be caught. Make up your mind.
    3 points
  26. I've heard North Korea has brought out a vegetarian version called "Not Poodle"
    3 points
  27. Yorkshire Proof Readers Society Fighting the war on t'error.
    3 points
  28. I was a rocker with a bike, not an incel on a scooter
    3 points
  29. With the lockdown being lifted for a few sports etc, and with fishing being one of them I had a few hours on one of the clubs still waters today. I used a rod and reel I use on the river whilst trotting and it worked a treat on the still water just the same :). i caught countless carp and surprisingly, lots of chub!!
    3 points
  30. Last year, I had a good double figure barbel (no scales with me but it was closer to 15lb than 12) from the Avon at Fladbury and that was taken (on a feeder this time) right down the side. I was fishing with my dad (who has never landed a barbel over 8lb in 50 years of fishing) and he has had a few things to say about crude tactics and braid hook-links before now but I pointed out that there's nothing "sporting" about leaving hooks in fish and showed him the two additional hooks that I had removed from the fish's mouth. Earlier that day, after three hours without a tap, I'd spotted w
    3 points
  31. Making stuff (that usualy broke first time out) was part and parcel of our closed season you could smell the new season approaching ,that strange musty water smell when you popped by just before it began. As a kid my gear was all hand downs ,old worn out crap given when an uncle got a new bit of kit (our family was from deptford and pretty thick back then but the place was destroyed in the 60's by development and most went to kent ,londowners did that!) Then i bought bits to build rods from walkers hythe with so so results but it taught you to respect your gear then as i started work at 1
    3 points
  32. I must have written at least a half dozen replies to comments on this thread, and then deleted them HV. This time I couldn't help it. To try and score some petty political points on the backs of the sick and dying, is as low an anyone can stoop, and I couldn't let it go. Every evening, as well as the horrific news reports, we get a facetime call from my daughter checking that we are ok. It breaks our hearts to see and hear the stress, danger and even abuse that her and her colleagues are subjected to every day, and they still keep smiling for the sake of their patients. We can't even give her
    3 points
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